I’ve had an extremely full day, today, and I’ll probably pay for it tomorrow… heck, I’m paying for it now. But who cares! I had a great day!
I started out the day reading through my notes from my first neuropsych recap meeting, when the doctor confirmed that yes, there are scientifically detectable issues going on with my brain and my thought process. Some of the things found surprised me a little bit — I had thought I was doing just fine, on some of them, but — as is often the case with me — the very areas where I think I’m doing great(!) are the ones that I’m lagging on.
Things like speed of processing. And memory… short-term recall. Things like how long I can last at certain tasks… things like attention issues… things like language comprehension and learning.
I admit I am more than a little relieved, even if some of the things are bothersome — it’s not in my head! Well, it is in my head, but it’s not something I made up! As though a lifetime of hassling with all this cognitive-behavioral stuff isn’t proof enough… But for people around me who need a doctor’s opinion to convince them, this should be plenty convincing. I’m so relieved!!!
Anyway, I am compiling question for the good doctor, which I’ll type up and take with me, so we can both follow along and make sure I don’t miss anything… and the doc will give me more info, and then I’ll come up with more questions… etc., etc. This could take a while, but I’ve been told it’s okay if I take my time. I guess I may need to… tho’ it might not seem to me like I’m being slow
Then, after I pulled together my questions, I actually went for a walk! Woo hoo. What a beautiful day — clear and crisp and very quiet. I was surprised at how much I saw today. I noticed details about houses in my neighborhood that I never noticed before. I think having the testing out of the way has taken a burden off my mind, which is allowing me to pay attention to more things around me. It feels a little strange to be seeing things that may have been there all along, but at least I’m seeing them now!
It’s been a month or so since I got out of the house on a Saturday to do anything other than errands. I had a great walk in the woods — and I was only startled by one hiker. My hearing has been really acute, lately, though, so the sound of my keys in my pocket and the swish-swish of my windbreaker was pretty distracting. I kept thinking I was hearing the tags of a dog running up to me – I hate when that happens, and I’m taken by surprise – but it was just my keys.
Then I came back home and had some lunch and read some neurology and anatomy texts I’ve had lying around, so I can at least not be completely taken off guard by what my doctor says on Tuesday. When they start throwing around all these terms, I tend to get anxious, if they’re completely unfamiliar. Now, at least I may have more of a chance of not getting spooked by terminology. Sometimes that’s half the battle.
Then I took a nap. Woo hoo! Just for an hour, and I woke up worried and anxious, but at least I did sleep a little.
Then I got up and did yard work… and split the firewood I’ve had my eye on for quite some time. The pile of wood has been sitting under a tarp for more than a year, and I’ve been promising myself I’d split it, one of these days. Well, today was the day. And I did really well — as in, I was careful and methodical and I didn’t injure myself in the process. I took breaks when I needed to, and I stopped completely, when I knew I was tired. Working with ax and maul, it’s important to be careful! I used to use a chainsaw, but I kind of screwed it up when I ran it without oiling the chain. One of those cognitive deficit things, I guess. I haven’t used a chain saw in a couple of years. I figure, it’s just not worth it, to run the risk of doing some real damage to myself — which is entirely possible, given a motor and a rotating chain and my sudden distractability streak.
After the wood was split and stacked, I ate a little snack and took a shower and then made supper. Now I’m suitably tuckered out, aching and burning and sore from head to toe — but in a good way. I’m going to bed early, to celebrate.
It’s the little things, y’know?