Since last August, I’ve been undergoing neuropsychological testing to assess my relative cognitive strengths and weaknesses. I’ve sustained numerous mild traumatic brain injuries over the course of my life, but not until the past year did I become fully aware of how deeply those injuries have impacted my life. The testing has been a fairly extended process (and it has been slowed down by my own information processing difficulties), but it’s really paid off in some tangible ways.
I haven’t yet started rehabilitative therapy, but just in the past month, I’ve been able to see marked changes for the better in my life, as a direct result of this testing. Here’s some of what’s already improved:
- I’m now able to acquire critical job skills that will keep me employed & solvent
I have thought for a long time that I can do pretty much anything I put my mind to. This makes picking a vocation and a career path very difficult, as I haven’t known how to “weed out” bad choices. Learning about my limitations — where I tested poorly — has enabled me to rule out a number of (ill-suited) career moves that I have been seriously considering for a long time (and I’ve been pushed towards by my employers/upper management). After ruling out some options, I have ruled others in… and I have started acquiring critical job skills that have eluded me for years, due to my “over-exuberant” lack of focus. The feeling that I’m on the verge of losing my house and will end up financially ruined has subsided. Now I know it doesn’t have to be that way.
- I’m better able to formulate questions so I can get clear
Knowing that my processing speed is slower helps me see when I’m having trouble following what someone is telling me. I don’t have to assume that I understand some-thing that I don’t, and I can actually ask for clarification when I need it, so I don’t keep getting lost in conversations and making a fool of myself. I can also formulate questions better than before — my questions are less open-ended and more specific than ever before. Knowing that that I’m “parsing” slower and that I tend to lose info as a conversation progresses also lets me change my behavioral approach to others (for example, nodding slowly as they talk and going “um hmmm” a lot, so they can see I’m thinking about what they’re saying… and I am carefully considering my response — while I’m actually “doubling back” on the conversation to try to keep track of what they’re saying), so I look less dim-witted and feel less self-conscious, even though I’m moving more slowly than I’d like.
- I’m better able to contribute in public forums
I’m on one of my town’s boards, and in the past, I have been the target of embarrassing public ridicule, because the questions I was asking were not “big picture” and I missed the point of the presentation. Recently, at a meeting about a highly sensitive community topic (that was being recorded to air on local cable), I was itching to ask some questions that came to mind. But remembering what my doc told me about my inordinate attention to detail, I was able to see where I was coming up with questions that missed the point – and (based on past experience) would have made me the butt of jokes, if I’d asked them. I was able to keep myself from posing those questions (live in public and on the recording for cable) and I was able to come up with some questions that were pertinent and needed to be asked. This helped not only me, but my town (and possibly the state, as I was able to raise an important issue the agency hadn’t yet considered, but should).
- I was able to communicate with the EEG techs better than normal
When I was being prepped for my EEG, a few weeks ago, I was able to explain to the tech who was giving me instructions that they might need to repeat what they were going to say to me, so I would be able to do what they wanted me to do. I got them to slow down with me, and I was able to closely follow their instructions (which I would normally confuse or mess up, especially if they were rushing me).
- I am better able to communicate with my doctor (PCP)
My doctor doesn’t speak English as a first language, and not only speaks with a heavy accent, but also moves very quickly through conversations. In the past, I’ve gotten really turned around when I talked to them. I looked like I knew what was going on, but I was overwhelmed and wasn’t following. Now that I’ve explained to my doctor that I’ve got head-injury-related issues, they’ve been talking slower and writing things down for me, so I can better care for myself.
- Now I understand why I haven’t been able to sustain correspondence with friends and family, and I can do something about it
My family is full of letter-writers, but try as I might, I haven’t been able to correspond with them over the years. God knows I’ve tried, but my rambling, detail-rich missives have embarrassed and discouraged me. I could never understand why I couldn’t write decent letters! I have also alienated a lot of people with my overwhelming level of detail that just bombarded them with a lot of useless information. Now I understand why I tend to write to people the way I do, and I can do something about it, and hopefully establish regular contact with my family and friends with letters that actually say something.
- My partner is better able to communicate with me
I can now explain to my partner that I’m not following what they’re saying, because now I realize that I often don’t – they’re just moving too fast for me. Now that they know that I’m not being difficult or hard-headed on purpose, they can modify their approach with me, slowing down to give me time to catch up. They now also make a point of making sure I’m following, just in case I’m not. It also helps them to know I’m not ignoring or dismissing them — I just need a little extra time to catch up. This helps my partner (and me) tremendously. There’s been a lot less yelling in our house, since I have been able to explain why I’m not responding as quickly as they’d like me to.
- I can manage to my shortcomings
Knowing that my processing speed is slower, that I’m more distractable, and that my short-term memory leaves something to be desired, lets me implement a number of minor and all-but-undetectable strategies that let me compensate for them, or at least be mindful of them and factor them in, as I go about my daily business. I take a list and/or a little notebook with me when I go out on errands, so I don’t forget what I need to do. I use a specific routine in the morning, so I don’t forget whether or not I’ve washed my hair in the shower (I tend to forget). I place stickie notes in plain view, if there’s something I mustn’t forget — like getting my lunch from the refrigerator before I leave for work or depositing money in the bank. I spend more time planning out my days ahead of time, while I’m rested and fully functional. And I make a point of scheduling regular nap time for myself. All of these strategies make a difference.
- Now I can start thinking about how to make the most of the abilities I do have.
I never understood why things have always gone so badly for me, over the long term. I could never figure out what I was doing wrong. I never understood that I just didn’t have some of the abilities that I assumed I did (because everyone else seemed to). I just forged ahead, making a mess of things over and over, never able to figure out why. And frankly, I was on the verge of giving up trying to make things better. I was ready to resign myself to a “shadow life” of half-realized (if that) potential. Now I can see better where the “potholes” are in the road of my life, and I can start to steer around them. Or take another road entirely. Now I can actually get on with my life and do something with the gifts I’ve been given.
I can’t say enough about how much neuropsychological testing has helped me. It’s been well worth the six-month process.
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Nice post. It is great to hear when a mTBI survivor is able to make improvements. Kudos to you!
Jane
This is a really interesting set of comments because so many of your ‘behaviors’ sound like mine – including the lack of self-realization that I was acting in a way that might cause me problems. I am at a point finally where I have begun to be open to feedback and have just finished another set of neuro-psych tests (4 years post tbi) – and this time I look forward to the results to enable me to do just what you describe – give me guidance in how to focus on the path or paths that will work best for me. I have also had some other assessments done and recently discovered that my visual processing has been severely effected (despite seeing a bunch of neurologists etc, no one caught this before now). There are therapies to improve this but even more it is a relief to know that my ‘slowness’ with reading was not a lack of effort but was because it took me 3 times the effort to accomplish it (my visual field is not steady – I have balance issues and gaze instability).
Hardest part is getting others to work with me and not for me – that is not to assume I am ‘incapable’ or ‘damaged’. People want to take over or act like I can’t think – ugh!
Bravo to you for learning from this!
Congratulations for your progress – it’s always great to hear that others are making progress, too. I think that finding out what my deficits are has been critical to my recovery. I can’t recover, if I don’t know I need to — it’s not an exercise in “beating myself up” as some folks have described it — and warned me about. It’s an exercise in finding out exactly what is going on with me and learning from it, so I can take steps to overcome these hidden difficulties. Brain injury truly is a hidden disability in many ways — and the more hidden it is, the more of a disability it is.
There’s something about bringing things out into the light of day that makes it possible to reduce the impact. I hope your neuropsych evaluation helps you as much as mine has helped me.
Good luck with everything
BB