I’ve been out and about for the past few days, not doing much extroverted type of activity like blogging or talking to people. I’ve been spending more time watching my daily habits pretty closely, seeing how I’m doing with my life in general, and finding areas where I have real problems — and devising solutions for those problems. I’ve been working with the ideas from Give Back Orlando, which prove more useful to me every day.
I’ve noticed that I’ve been getting into the office later and later, over the past weeks. I had started out arriving at the office around 8:00 each day, sometimes even earlier. Then I started getting in at 8:30… then 9:00… 9:30… and lately I’ve been getting in around 10:00, sometimes later.
I was starting to get down on myself about this, thinking that I was just being a slacker and I wasn’t doing my job. But the fact of the matter is, I have been spending time in the a.m. at home, studying and learning and practicing my skills in the privacy and quiet of my own home office.
The office at work is loud and distracting. There is always someone talking loudly — on the phone or to other people — and I cannot get away from the noise. I can put my headphones on and listen to music, but that’s still sound. And I have to turn it up, so I don’t hear everyone around me, which makes it loud, even if it is enjoyable.
So, doing work at home which requires focused concentration makes sense. In the privacy and quiet of my own controlled environment, I can focus fully on the material I need to master, I can read without being interrupted, I can code without being accosted by someone who would rather talk about movies and their kids’ eating habits than work, and I can get a whole lot more done than I would at the office. Some people’s jobs depend on them being on the phone all day, every day. I’m not one of those people, although everyone around me is. And I don’t see why I should have everyone else’s conversations included in every moment of my workday.
Anyway, a part of me still feels a bit insecure about doing work at home in the a.m. (as well as sometimes in the p.m. when I get home). I just have to track what I’m doing and show (to myself) that I’m actually getting work done. Which I am.
It’s funny… my brain is so dependent on tangible results, if I’m spending my time planning or scoping or thinking through an engineering solution, it doesn’t think I’m actually working, because I don’t yet have something to show for it. But, as my therapist has been telling me, that’s work, too. Just because it’s not hands-on and concrete, doesn’t mean it’s not work.
So, I have to trust it. And track my progress, so I have something to show for my work.
Going in later in the day is still giving me some problems. I had a conversation with someone last week about how they always get into the office around 6 a.m. They say they can’t sleep, and they like to get an early start on the day. They also like to miss the traffic and find a parking spot, first thing in the a.m.
I can see their point, and part of me would love to be able to do that, too. I can’t really sleep well, either. But try as I might, I’m not that kind of a morning person… the part of me that functions well in the morning does not do well when driving in. With my fatigue issues, I have relatively small windows of opportunity to use the good energy and clarity I have, so spending a chunk of that time behind the wheel of a car is not my idea of good resource stewardship. Even if there is less traffic and I can get a parking space.
I have a job that lets me work from home, and I do the type of work that is often best suited to relative isolation. I can also do it from just about anywhere. So, shifting my hours so that I’m at home during the times when I am thinking clearly but still need quiet (and cannot deal well with a lot of activity around me) makes sense.
I’ve also been doing some work around the timing of my tasks. I have reached the conclusion that early afternoons are pretty much of a lost cause for me. That’s the time when my brain goes into a downswing, and I can’t think or do much of anything from 1:00 till about 3:30. Ironically, that’s when a lot of people around me are up and at ‘em, and the after-lunch flurry is noticeable. But my upswing happens around 3:30, when I start to really wake up and am ready to hit the ground running. Some days, I get more done between 3:30 and 6:30, than I do all day up to that point.
I was really getting down on myself for not being able to focus or concentrate in the early part of the afternoons. But looking at the different things I need to do everyday, I can see how I can fit the really boring crap that I hate to do anyway into that time slot. Things like administrative tasks… scheduling… compiling lists of things that need to be done at some point in time…. testing my code step-by-step in a mind-numbingly systematic way… updating project plans… Things that don’t require a lot of cognitive “firepower” but still need to be done — and which are a terrible waste of exuberance and energy, if I do them when I’m at my peak. I’d rather use the times when I’m at my sharpest to do the work that excites and invigorates me — and that needs to be done right.
So, that being said, I’m feeling better about how I am managing my time and tasks. I’m looking at the big picture, trying to see how things can fit together better, and how I can match my tasks with my energy/interest levels. If I’m going to do my best with resources that can be limited and inconsistent, I need to have a plan — that makes sense.
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July 16, 2009 at 5:18 pm
cityofstrangers
BB,
Interesting post. I do very much relate to your problems working in a noisy environment – for years, I held myself back in TV production, where I worked, because I could only work at home. Being in a busy office, with people all around me – particularly that curiously intrusive sound that is people talking on the phone (I still find cell phones pretty much unbearably distracting – the person’s voice just seems to sit in my head, and crowd out everything else). And you’re right, music on headphones are still noise, and distracting and tiring in their way.
I don’t drive – I didn’t need it for years then was going to get my license just before my last injury until the doctors told me not to – but I can imagine it being tough to deal with driving first thing in the morning.
Curiously, I always find those early afternoon hours the most tiring – and least productive. When I worked at home, I usually turned everything off and had a nap at that time – and woke up refreshed and productive for the rest of the afternoon.
It is curious how so much of the shock and awe that modern life has become seems almost designed to drive someone with MTBI a little crazy. It’s very hard to find quiet time – or a quiet place – in contemporary society, where distraction rules all. Well, what can you do. . . . ten years ago, when I had my last major injury, it was very difficult to find information. Now, with the increasing maturity of the web, you can find a great deal indeed. Technology giveth, while it taketh away . . .
July 17, 2009 at 12:37 am
m
You are correct that if working at home makes sense then it is a good thing – but the key issue here is to make sure that your management are cool with this. It’s not a good idea to assume anything even if it may seem to be culturally acceptable. It’s a mature and responsible thing to sit with your manager and say ‘It can get very noisy in the office and on days when i need to really focus I prefer to work from the quiet of my home. I want to make sure this works for you. Then lay out any special issues – such as, if you need to come in you will or how to track time or deliverables etc. Or how many days you will do this, etc. One problem is this – afternoons may be dead space for you but if your management okays you working at home and they call one afternoon and you were clearly taking a nap it may make them lose confidence. That’s you call on how to manage of course – because you may need the nap and it may make you more productive. The main point is don’t take the judgement upon yourself if you are being hardworking or not – rather set up clear and easy measurable goals that work and make sense for you and your company. If you meet the goals they won’t care and you won’t feel guilty or worried. Also it’s always a good idea to spend some full days a the office and make that clear too.
Finally – ear plugs – the really good kind are highly recommended for folks with tbi.
July 17, 2009 at 4:53 am
Jennifer Chambers
I was inspired by your posting. As a brain injury survivor myself of fifteen years, it’s intriguing that other survivors have the same aversion to confusion/loud noise as I have, as well as the need to plan. Don’t be down on yourself- I like the fact that planning is what will work through the situation for you. Adaption, and constant checking to see how that adaption is going, is the only thing that works for me. Keep it up!
July 17, 2009 at 10:39 am
brokenbrilliant
Thanks Jennifer -
Keep on planning…!
BB
July 17, 2009 at 10:45 am
brokenbrilliant
Thanks m -
Yes, I’ve checked with my manager a bunch of times — they’re absolutely fine with all of us in my group working from home a few days a week. As long as we get our work done, they’re fine. They’ve even told us, “I don’t care where you are… I don’t care if I hardly ever see you here at the office… As long as you get your work done, that’s fine.”
It’s one of the many reasons I took the job.
It’s interesting – I had thought that working from home would make it possible for me to get a nap in, mid-day. But that has seldom happened. It turns out, once I get into a groove (which is easier for me to do at home), I am a lot less tired, and even if I am tired, my brain is keeping me awake. So, I actually expend a lot more hours working when I’m telecommuting. I’m still working on that…
I think I need to find better earplugs. I’m getting hypersensitive to the feeling of the ones I have been using. The feel of them in my ears keeps me awake ;}
Well, it’s all part of the process, I suppose…
July 17, 2009 at 11:02 am
brokenbrilliant
COS -
Television production, eh? That must have been quite an experience. I do radio production for one of my sidelines, and doing it in a home studio is a whole lot easier than doing it at a station. All that activity… and electricity… Whew.
I have to wonder, what is it with non-tbi people that they can function in an environment of constant noise and disruption. Or maybe — as my diagnostic neuropsych was telling me yesterday — they’re fooling themselves. I must admit, I do get a bit of a charge out of a lot of activity and hubub — for about half an hour. Then it gets to be too much. I have family members who are invigorated by tons of activity and stimuli, which is a bit of an issue around holiday times, when we all get together.
Personally, I love to drive. I always have. I’m actually quite good at it, if I say so myself. The main problem is dealing with other cars on the road, not to mention the state of mind of other drivers early in the morning during rush hour, when a lot of them are probably not at their peak, either, but they forge ahead nonetheless. At 80 miles per hour.
It’s all a great adventure, and I suppose that’s as it should be.
One way or another, we figure this stuff out. And yes, the web certainly does help.
July 17, 2009 at 11:54 am
cityofstrangers
BB,
As regards how non-tbi people handle noise and distraction – I think a lot of people just numb themselves out. Perhaps it was ever thus – I grew up in mining towns, and the noise in a mine is unlike anything in any office, anywhere . . . and miners usually handled it by drinking. Heavily.
Maybe that’s why so much of contemporary culture is reliant on info-bites, geared towards short attention spans . . .
Regarding your problems with earplugs – why don’t you just use a fan, or a white noise machine? I can’t stand earplugs, partly for the way they feel, mostly because I have tinnitus (another gift of mtbi). But some steady flow of white noise almost always does the trick.
Best,
Cos
July 17, 2009 at 12:54 pm
brokenbrilliant
Thanks – yes, I have been using a fan, lately. The white noise does seem to help at times, but the blowing air can be distracting for me. It’s always something