Yesterday was a rough day. Very, very rough. It started out pretty good in the morning, with a neuropsych appointment that recapped my history of injuries, and resulted in me revising the date on one of my later injuries, as well as adding another childhood fall down the stairs to the total.

  • Two falls down the stairs that knocked me silly before the age of 10
  • One assault that knocked me out cold when I was 8
  • One fall from a tree when I was 13 or 14
  • Two sports concussions during rough games when I was 15 and 17
  • Three car accidents between 1987 and 1996
  • One fall down the stairs in 2004

Eight concussive events that I can remember. And that’s not even listing out the subconcussive events of all those games I played when I was a kid. It was not uncommon for me to fall and hit my head, then bounce back up and get back in the game. I was always game. I wanted to play more than anything else.

From that point on, the day went downhill. I did not do some very significant things that keep me on track each day. I rode the exercise bike for 20 minutes, but I did not plan my day while I was doing it. I also stretched half-heartedly and did not lift weights. I also rushed to the 8:30 appointment, and when I got there, I started to panic with the doors all being locked, due to the holiday. It wasn’t a holiday for me, and it took me trips to three different entrances in the building, before I figured out to press the button to call the front desk and be buzzed in.

After my appointment, I rushed home again and dove into work. I had been having a hard time connecting to my email remotely, so my messages were all delayed. Poor planning, poor execution, poor time management… and then I had to help a friend who has not been feeling well and needs a lot of attention. Chronic pain is a bitch — and they are not accustomed to it, which makes it even more trying. I did my best to comfort them, but coming from someone who has acclimated themself to going through life in plenty of pain, my reassurances fell flat.

In a pinch like that, when everything aches and hurts and there is no escape from the constant discomfort, I put my head down, block it out, and soldier through. My friend is on the opposite end of the spectrum. They need TLC. They need extra attention. They need someone solicitous who will comfort them. Their kind of solutions only serve to exacerbate my kind of pain. But how do you explain that to another person? It’s all but impossible.

Disrupted schedule, pushing too hard, no downtime, and the clothes dryer acting up, not to mention not being prepared for my day, all added up to a massive meltdown in the evening. Too much going on. Too much distraction and disruption. Speaking of ruption, I thought for sure I’d given myself a stroke, with the intensity of my meltdown. It wasn’t pretty. I’ll spare you the details. I’m still feeling hungover from the episode.

And the evening ended later than I wanted, on a sour, depressing note. I’m trying again today… trying again today…

A fresh start is what I need. So, I did it this morning. I’ve been looking out my back window at the yard that needs raked, fretting for days that I don’t have time to do it. So, this morning when I woke up an hour earlier than I wanted to, instead of just lying there, as I usually do, I got up, exercised, stretched lifted, pulled on my “grubbies,” and grabbed the rake and tarp to clear some of those leaves. I watched the clock and calculated how long I should spend on the work — no longer than 30 minutes. That’s all the time I could spare.

And lo and behold, 25 minutes later, I had made a decent dent in the leaves, had cleared 1/3 of the space that needs to be cleared, and I’d done it without pain and suffering. Plus, it felt really good to be outside, first thing in the morning. I haven’t done that in years.

Best of all, while I was working, I had time to think through my day yesterday and identify the things I did wrong. Yes, wrong, not “other than I could have” — just plain wrong.

  1. I did not plan my day and think it through ahead of time
  2. I did not stretch and lift
  3. I did not pace myself, but ran headlong into one activity after another
  4. I did not focus completely on the tasks in front of me, but got distracted and did them half-assed, while fretting about other things
  5. I had too many carbs — the glucose shots pump me up on sudden highs and lows and make me crazed after a while
  6. I did not stick to a schedule, but careened from one activity to another
  7. I did not just STOP when I needed to stop. I kept pushing myself past my bedtime, staying up and watching a movie when I should have gone to bed
  8. I did not take the time to slow down and get clear about my communications with my spouse, who bore the brunt of my meltdown and was frightened by the intensity of my outburst(s)
  9. I did not feed myself emotionally or mentally or physically — it was all a one-way trip with my energy — putting out and putting out and putting out, and not putting anything back in. I did not allow myself to rest and rejuvenate.
  10. I wasted time getting down on myself over certain exchanges I’ve had with people in the past that did not turn out like I wanted/expected, and I wasted a lot of time worrying about things that are done and over with, instead of coming up with alternatives for next time.

I could continue this list, but look at the time…

I’m timing myself today — half hour only on each task, then I switch gears and do something else. I raked for half an hour, and I had some good realizations, moved some energy, got myself moving. I’ve been working on this for about half an hour, which I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do, to begin with. I’m going to really focus on spending time digesting what it is I’m doing, rather than running willy-nilly from one thing to the next. I need to digest. I need to pace myself. I need to time myself.

The clock is my friend. And I need to trust my own process to get things accomplished in a much shorter time than I typically think I need.

I can get stuff done in smaller increments. So long as I’m consistent and keep at it… which is one of my fortes. Logically speaking, there’s no reason why this change in my approach — chunking out my time into smaller bits and taking time to reflect and digest — should not work out quite nicely for me.

In a pinch, I just have to trust my logic.

Anyway, time’s up. Now, I’ll click Publish and be on my way.

The day is looking up already.

Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)