Source: joi
I got a pretty good night’s rest last night. I managed to get to bed by 10:30 or so, and then I slept till about 6, which is more than 7 hours of sleep — 1-2 more hours than I’ve been getting, lately.
It’s funny about sleep – I’ve always needed more than most people around me, but I have a very wary relationship with it. Part of me likes to be a little fatigued through the course of the day. I feel stronger, I feel more alive, I feel more sharp. I tried explaining this to my neuropsych yesterday, but they didn’t believe me. They said I just think I feel that way, when in actuality, if they were to test me, I’d do more poorly on the results.
That may be, but the thing of it is, getting more sleep doesn’t necessarily make me feel better about myself as a person. I like to have that edge, that subtle adrenaline pump that gets me to wake up and kick into gear. I like to work with a slight deficit and put myself in a state of urgency. Without that urgency, nothing feels like it’s getting done.
Of course, putting this constant load on myself, what I’m probably doing is dumbing myself down and lulling myself into thinking that I’m better, when I’m actually not — I’m impairing myself needlessly with this old habit of mine.
And that’s a problem.
Because I have a job I really like, and I have a new career path I am setting out on as well. I need to study, I need to be sharp, I need to be with it. I need my rest. When I’m tired, I get agitated and irritable. When I’m tired, I screw up. I really don’t want to screw up anymore — not if I can avoid it. And I certainly don’t want to put myself into a state of “needing” to be stressed, in order to feel “normal”.
What to do?
Well, first off, make a commitment to get good sleep. Build that foundation first, then move from there.
Sounds like you’ve gotten so used to being stressed and fatigued that that’s become your default settting.
You may also have the belief that unless you’re feeling tired, you haven’t accomplished something significant(a variant on the Puritan work ethic thing)
I’d agree that this could be a problem for you. Longterm, chronic sleep deprivation can not only hurt your immediate performance, but also make longterm negative changes in your health and well-being(decreased immune system, increased bp and chronic fatigue syndrome being a couple of possibilities)
I’d say your choice to get more rest is a good one.
Catherine
Foresight
I get it. I think I may do the same thing. I believe it might be a movie/media-promoted stereotype of the high-powered exec who wakes up early, grabs his Starbucks, rushes around, and goes out to get it done. Or the poor slug who doesn’t get paid what he’s worth, rolls out of bed exhausted, and brings home the bacon. It may just be ingrained in our American belief system that it just IS that way. Late night TV entertainment promotes staying up late. It sells advertising. That’s America.
Where do you see going to bed early promoted in our culture? I’m not sure I’ve even heard that annoying Kaiser spokeslady mention it.
A few years ago, my supervisor made a comment that he sort of liked to work on very little sleep because it was almost like coming to work drunk. I never forgot that he said that, because the idea was provocative in a lot of ways.
For myself, I know that my mind is dampened or fuzzy when I don’t get enough sleep, but I also have allergies and breathing problems that cause me to reduce my oxygen intake while I’m asleep. I have to weigh the benefits against the costs of sleep – one being reduced oxygen to the body, less healing, and waking up fatigued and foggy no matter how long I’ve slept.
Until I get a CPAP machine, or these issues lessen (perhaps with weight loss and maybe a strict gluten free diet?), I will have to find the balance, because more sleep doesn’t always equal feeling better – and then it’s just lost productivity.
Here’s hoping your sleep is productive, healing, and refreshing!! Go get ‘em.
Oh, and I think it may also be due to a sleep apnea problem where my brain doesn’t indicate to my respiratory system that I need to breathe, even when there’s no obstruction. It just hangs. I think that is a result of brain injury – and I should do more intentional breathing while awake to help that response.
Naps! Even a 10 minute one does wonders! I used to think napping was a sign of weakness…now I see it as making me stronger and recharging my brain. I still nap several times a day.
Thanks Catherine -
That’s true about the work ethic. I’m so accustomed to having to work my a– off, I do sometimes feel like I haven’t done a thing, if I’m not wiped out.
I’ll have to keep an eye on that.
Thanks for writing
BB
jnanarama -
Hmmm. Very interesting about sleep not being restful. I had never considered that possibility.
It’s true – our culture is very hooked into sleep deprivation, as though it’s a good thing. Crazy…
The more I think about it, the more it seems to me that sleep deprivation may really impair my judgment and my perception, so that if I’m tired enough, I’m in no shape to even begin to assess how effective I’m being. It’s just a feeling I have of being “on” or not. I hate feeling “not” so I push myself and the stress feels like it perks me up.
I hesitate to say it’s an addiction thing, but there is a habit-forming aspect to it.
Anyway, I’m working on it… taking it one night’s sleep at a time.
Thanks for writing.
jnanarama –
Yes – intentional breathing. That might help. Good thinking.
Also, thinking about rest… some really deliberate relaxation (like progressive relaxation) has been shown to rest the body while awake. Maybe that could help too?
Naps are awesome. My neuropsych has tried to talk me out of taking naps on the weekends, because supposedly it messes up your circadian rhythms, but by the time the weekend has arrived, I’m usually so fried from all the activity, I’m way behind on my rest, so I have to take at least one nap. Ideally, Saturdays and Sundays between 2 and 4 are spent asleep. I’ve “pushed back” on that recommendation. They just don’t seem to understand — naps are my one saving grace.
Thanks for writing.
BB
@jnanarama I’ve had friends hav good results w/ CPAP machines. I’ve also seen them flop miserably. Feel that sleep apnea is the new fashionable diagnosis and somewhat over-utilized
Problems sleeping w/ allergies and breathing problems? some other options are 1) sleeping on a wedge(helps you drain so you don’t start awake struggling for breath), 2) Breath Rite Strips (helpful for increasing breathing when congested so you sleep better, 3)Simply Saline ( use anytime nasal wash that clears your head so you can breath, 4) accupressure ( learn to do yourself- can help unclog clogged sinuses
The other thing worth considerering if you sometimes wake up more tired than before is that can be a symptom of chronic fatigue syndrome
Catherine
Foresight
And I also find naps a great coping mechanism
Catherine
Foresight