Well, it’s been an interesting month. Things have been very busy at work — and when I say busy, I mean the kind of busy that happens when you take on a job that’s been half-done by someone else for so long that the people they report to expect either that you’ll continue to do a half-job, or they expect you to come in and fix everything.
I’ve actually been doing a pretty decent job of fixing things. One bit at a time – this in the midst of expanding the job description and taking on a bunch of other tasks that just need to be done, because they’re part of it.
Some people have been happy with my work, others less-happy. But I think everyone can pretty much agree that I’m making the kind of progress that needs to happen. And then some.
All in all, I’m feeling pretty positive about the past five months. I’ve made some pretty significant progress. But it’s come at a certain price. I’m pretty wiped out, and I’m starting to show signs of wear, that people who work with me are noticing.
It’s time to take a step back, take a time out, and look at the big picture in front of me. Get up and out of the minor details that I get so caught up in, and think in larger terms. Being all caught up minutiae is one of my bit TBI gotchas. I tend to assign WAY too much importance to passing details, and that can trip me up. It takes a big bite out of my energy and productivity, and it doesn’t leave me time to focus on the big picture pieces — the pieces which are necessary for fueling my progress.
Without a big picture, I lose my motivation. I need the big picture. I truly do.
So, this weekend, I am stepping back and giving myself some time to rest. I’ve proven to myself that I can deliver on the deadlines I had this past week, and I’ve really done a 180-degree turn in my productivity, which people have noticed. I pushed and pushed and pushed myself, I went off my sleeping schedule, and I am feeling it now. And now that I have done the job (for now), I can cut myself some slack and get back to my regular routine.
- Waking up when I wake up on the weekend — not wake myself up with alarm.
- Do my measured breathing before I get out of bed.
- Ride the exercise bike for 20 minutes while I read a book and make notes about what I need to do this weekend.
- Lift my weights in the usual fashion.
- Have a good breakfast.
- Take it easy.
Taking it easy this weekend is key. I have a short week ahead, when I have to meet several more deadlines. And then I’m going to be traveling for work, the following week. There’s a lot going on, and I need to build up my strength to do it.
The main thing is, I’ve delivered on the promises I made before. That matters. A whole lot. To me and to everyone else around me. I’ve made this milestone, and now I can allow myself to relax and celebrate that for the true victory it is. I can let myself enjoy this accomplishment, and I can look forward to the future, knowing more now than I knew before.
It’s all good.
Indeed, one of the things that makes it especially good, is that I know how I work, and for the first time in my adult working life, I’m beginning to understand that it’s not a bad way to work. I have a very different style from most people I work with — in that I am both methodical and instinctive. I have structure AND I have gut feelings. And there is nothing wrong with me falling back on instinct — and not being able to articulate exactly why I believe I should do what I’m doing. People have often pressed me for explanations of what I was doing, and why, and when I could not provide them, I thought it meant I was stupid. But it’s just a non-verbal way of doing things.
The past week has showed me that when it comes to tight spots and high pressure, my way is NOT a bad way to do things. I do need to do a better job of communicating with people and checking things out before I dive in. But that’s something I know about, and I am actively trying to change that. Ultimately, though, what matters is that things get done. I know I can do that — I simply need to refine my style, and then I will be golden.
Of course, there is always room for improvement, and I’m focused on that. But for now, for this weekend, I am cutting myself a break and allowing myself to enjoy what I have accomplished.
And rest up for the next round on Monday.