I’ve been checking my site stats over the past few days, looking over the different ways people have found their way to this site, over the past few years. One thing that comes up a lot is questions about concussion and intelligence — being stupid after a concussion.
If you’ve recently (or not so recently) had a concussion, and you’re feeling really stupid, know this:
You are not alone.
A lot of people feel stupid after a concussion. In my case, you’d be pretty hard-pressed to convince me that I’m NOT stupid, even to this day when I know that I’m no less intelligent for the head injuries I’ve had, than the next person. After all, I have done some pretty lame-ass things in my day, that just looked, well, STUPID. And it never occurred to me that the concussions I’d sustained — in sports (football and soccer) and car accidents and falls — had anything to do with it.
But see, here’s the thing. We grow up learning how to do things a different way. The more you do things a certain way, the better you get at them. We develop skills in certain areas, and our brains get wired specifically to do things a certain way. The better we become at those things the “smarter” we think we are. And we can base a lot of our personal identity on how well we do the things we love to do — or how poorly we do things that we suck at.
It’s all part of who we are, and it’s how we decide what we’re made of and what we’re worth.
But when you have a concussion — even if you don’t lose consciousness, even if you don’t think anything of getting your bell rung or being out of it for a while — some of the wiring that lets us do what we do gets mucked up. And we start to “short out” a little bit — it’s like our electrical wires got chewed by mice, and the lights start to flicker a little bit.
And you start to do “stupid” things. Because the autopilot that you used to be on… well, that’s not working the way it used to. The wiring is messed up. Your transmission is out of whack. And when you think you’re shifting into first gear, you can end up in reverse. It’s kind of like getting into a car in England or Japan where people drive on the left side of the road, when you’re used to driving on the right. All of a sudden, things are a bit turned around… but you’re not sure exactly why or how. And the turning around seems to come out of nowhere.
Which totally sucks, dude. It totally sucks. Not fun.
So, there you are, going about your everyday life, doing the things you always did before, but all of a sudden, everything is screwed up and nothing makes any sense.
Trust me — it’s not you. It’s the way your brain has been rearranged. It could be that the rearranging will be obvious for only a few hours or days or weeks or months, till you get back into the swing of things and your connections get all sorted out. It could be that your brain gets back online the way it used to — swelling goes down, connections get re-routed or rebuilt — and you get on with your life.
Or it could be that the disruption is really more than you expected (or maybe realized) and you end up walking around in a perpetual WTF?! frame of mind, wondering why the hell things aren’t going as smoothly as they always did before.
Again, it’s not YOU. You’re not stupid, all of a sudden. Your brain took a hit, and it needs some help getting back in the game. Could be, it takes a lot longer than you expected, for it to get back in the swing of things. Or it could be that in order to get back in the game, you have to figure out different ways of doing things that really work — instead of the old ways that were dependent on the old wiring.
Granted, it’s no easy feat to accept the fact that your brain needs rewiring. But if you were driving down the street by a route you’re accustomed to, and all of a sudden you found the way blocked by unplanned construction, you wouldn’t flip out and blame yourself for being so stupid to try to get down that street. After all, they didn’t tell you ahead of time that this was happening. You’d turn your car around and look for a different route. What WOULD be stupid, is trying to force your car down that street when the road is torn open in huge gaping holes, and there are police officers on detail just waiting to arrest you for pushing your way through. You’ve been told clearly — you’ve been warned. If you get yourself hurt or arrested, you’ve got only yourself to thank for that.
Now, granted, street construction and concussion aren’t the same thing. And there’s only so much you can expect of yourself, when you’re freshly head-injured. But if you treat the course of your daily life like driving down a road, and you treat the bumps and problems you encounter like potholes and obstacles, it might help put things in perspective.
As human beings, we love to come down hard on ourselves over things that go wrong. We love to look for people to blame — and those people are often ourselves. We also love to think we have a lot more control over life than we actually do. And we love to think that we have total control and command of our lives.
Sometimes shit happens. Sometimes concussions happen. You’re not suddenly stupid. You just need to retrain your brain.
I love reading your posts; I find them honest and inspirational. I plan on sharing them with the associates here. Definitely feel like they can relate.
I often encourage folks in the BI industry (and it is an industry) to distinguish between the effects of tbi and intellect. Indeed, I call the long term effects of mTBI ‘acquired learning disabilities’. That’s a close description but its not totally accurate. Intelligence is a very loose term – IQ tests are essentially neuropsych tests – so if you do poorly on a neuropsych test your IQ has been considered lowered. BUT in TBI this is tricky because if your processing speed is slowed or you have a visual memory issue it will skew the whole of the score so you can actually be all over the map. Furthermore IQ doesn’t correlate with anything – not with happiness, professional success, positive relationships etc. Many people achieve great things with mediocre IQ’s. There are also ‘cultural’ levels of intelligence such as our ability to read people and situations, our creativity, our ability to see the big picture, and increasingly our ability to multi-task. Other qualifiers that sometimes come into play are attention to detail and ability to focus. Obviously in a TBI survivor, some or all of these things get messed up – some recover on their own, some recover with great effort – others people learn new kinds of adaptations for them. Sometimes it takes years for things to return. It’s also easier in some ways for things to return than to learn something new if you are older – but it is also true that some things don’t return at all.
The whole concept of intelligence has been controversial for a number of years – even outside of tbi – and continues to be a problem in assessing tbi. There are no instruments or means to accurately assess a person’s ability to function post tbi. What I have found too is that many of the gaffes and blunders tbi survivors make are similar to the symptoms and problems of aging – only they are exacerbated many times – a higher level of forgetfulness for example. Also BI survivors become very self conscious – and this self-consciousness adds a level of stress – under stress most folks’ ‘intellect’ decrements – in BI survivors this is even more true. I have been told that I was the smartest person in the room but I was also the least successful. The feeling of being stupid is a challenge that people need to let go of and move on with – it’s only a barrier to success.
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m –
How true that ‘intelligence’ doesn’t always count for a whole lot. The idea that TBI is like an aquired learning disorder is something I never thought of before. Good point.
With me, the whole ‘stupid’ thing gets frustrating because while I intellectually know that I’m no less smart than a whole lot of other successful people, the way I feel is something quite different. And the disconnect between my head and my gut is sometimes insurmountable. Like right about now, when I know I should be asleep, but I can’t seem to turn off the jitters and jangled nerves that have had me up since 1:30 a.m.
If only I could convince all of me to get in line with what my mind knows…
But this is one of those nights it’s just not happening.
I’ll try again tomorrow (today) I guess.
Thanks for writing
BB
Jayme –
Thanks very much. I appreciate it. I hope others can get something out of this, too.
Have a good one
BB
BB – Can you post this to your site – it’s a guide from an org in Pa that is very supportive and helpful for survivors. This is the link !
M
http://www.abin-pa.org/Presentations/Manual%20for%20S%20&%20F%20Final%202009.08.23.pdf
When I called a local mentoring program on behalf of a relative, the person who worked at the organization and I started talking about how the youth want to be reassured that they are not stupid. Although some may not agree with all of his methods, Mel Levine seeks to use a students’ strengths to overcome their weaknesses. I saw a dear boy on Ophrah that he was working with who seemed so happy when he told him of his abilities in an area that I think were spatial.
I could go on and on about my feelings about the word stupid. I know people who constantly label others by that name. And yet, I feel it is very revealing that a person is so quick to label others. Granted, a person in question scores very high an IQ test but they do so many stupid things that may relate to other problems.
When a high school advisor suggested after my graduating that I might have learning disabilities, I was quite defensive. Now I think it is interesting how people can be good in some areas and have weaknesses in others. As stated before, I am not sure if I have ever had a TBI or a concussion. And yet, I think I can very much relate. I never felt inferior as a child so I don’t know what to chalk that up to for sure. It may have been that the bar was so low. It may have been that I had not been exposed to so much mental abuse until high school. It may have been due to some type of injury or maybe time released gene. From what I heard, people do get rewired in high school to learn things in depth. In many ways, I liked the result although I still have information overload. But as Mel Levine said of a student, it is often not the complexity that is a problem.
In many ways I feel smart but in some ways I am so inadequate. And I hate how that makes me dependent on others. I am so emotionally independent. I wish I didn’t depend on anybody for anything.
Well, I am going to try to get someone to fill out a form for my work so that I never have to step foot in the building if my computer goes down. I can’t say that I live in constant fear of that because in the the 2 1/2 years since I came home there has only been a couple of incidents after the first few weeks. I used a personal day on one occassion. Recently, I used a 1/2 personal day but the system may have been up and running if I kept at it. My work computer is different than this computer that I type on for leisure. And I do not use my work computer for leisure. We only get so many personal days so I am so hoping that I can get a doctor to sign it without ever having to set foot in an office. I can never judge situations and whether they are safe so that is way I isolate myself. It is not that I am afraid to reveal how stupid I am. I hate to be annoying. Well, I am not a huge fan of people thinking I am stupid either.
BB –
I recently read about this program and its been highly regarded by BI folks and others – worth considering
http://www.realsleep.net/
M
Absolutely m – this is great! Thanks for sending it along.
Great post, I’m 22 and suffered a stage 3 concussion at the end of January this year. That was after getting dumped on my head 2 days earlier on a mountain bike trip.
Yeah I felt different for a while but I’m learning to adjust… well, so I think or I’m just getting better in general. I’m just thankful for my life and not being handicapped by it.
Live changes. Learn to adapt and move on. People need you, life is not all about you!
Thanks!
Two concussions in 2 days… sounds like an adventure (and I say that in the most realistic way possible).
Take care of yourself and stay open to what happens. There’s a lot of good to be found in places we never thought to look before — sounds like you already know that, tho’.
Life does change – true, true. And it’s not all about us. Move on, is right.
Cheers
BB
thank you so much for this post. my boyfriend just had a concussion and i have no idea whats going on with him or even how to react and understand him. this post helped me to understand how he always said the doctors think he is stupid for using kids symbol on him. thank you so much. i’m glad i came across this article.
You’re very welcome – it can be very confusing and disorienting, and it can also be easy to take things personally. Doctors don’t know nearly as much as they should, and sometimes they just don’t know how to talk to us so we don’t feel like idiots. Then again, sometimes anything anyone says to us will get us going… with concussion, there’s a lot of watching and waiting and trying things out. It’s a process, but hang in there. It’s different for everyone, so keep an open mind — for the sake of your boyfriend AND yourself.
Cheers
BB
I just wanted to say I stumbled upon this, its been a year since my concussion (Or what I think was a concussion) and this makes me feel better. I never went to the doctor even though I asked my parent to take me. I was playing rugby when I was high tackled (by the head), after that all I remember is sitting on the ground thinking ” wtf ” happened, I saw stars, but as the tough hearted person I am, I ignored my coach who told me to sit off and kept playing. As I was playing I kept ignoring the fact that I had no idea what exactly I was doing, but I’m a natural improviser so it was not long before I was back up to speed.
I also get these funny headaches that come from inside my head, randomly since it has happened, nothing to serious and its getting better and less common.
I feel like the same person, I think the same, the only difference is the odd feeling that I am somehow less capable. Or that some wiring was destroyed and I will never know exactly what is missing since it would require me to have that missing part to know what it is exactly.
Confusing I know, because I am confused too. Since the incident my main problem is with time, I feel as if time has no constant, like one minute its morning and then what seems like a second later, the day is over and I’m in bed. I have trouble sleeping, but I did before the incident as well. At the end of the day it seems I have no real perception of time anymore, or hardly and my brain has trouble with schedule. I never get anything I need to get done unless I am told to in the moment. I end up not getting homework or chores done, even If I take them out I still manage to get lost in my head and before I know it I have no time left.
I have no problem with doing homework or chores, in fact I would love to, I want to go to University and I want to help out around the house and have no laundry on the floor, I just cant find a way to tap into my organization and will power I used to have. Its like the clock in my head is completely destroyed, my memory is worse but still decent, and I have concentration problems that I NEVER had before, I feel impatient.
Anyways this article made me feel as if I could get back to normal it will just take some training, and I kind of see how I naturally trained myself back to shape in at least someways. This was the extra bit of info I needed to realize its not all that bad. Thanks.
Thanks for writing Brandon -
Your experience is quite common, and it’s good you recognize it. I, too, had a terrible time with managing my time for a while. I found that I got so “turned around” I could not make it through getting up, brushing my teeth, eating breakfast, and getting ready for work without taking 2-3 times as long, and losing my place a number of ways. I used lists to help me get things in order. For about six months, I followed a checklist very closely — even the most basic things I wrote down in the order I needed to do them. I also developed a morning routine that I still follow somewhat. I also made sure to exercise for at least 15 minutes as soon as I got up. That helped me wake up and think properly.
I think you have great potential for doing all the things you want to do. You know you want to do them, you just are not sure how. Try making a list of things you need to do — even the most basic things — and checking it as you go along, and see how that works. Lists are great, because they’re easy to keep with you and check, and nobody needs to know (if you’re like me) that you have lost your way while taking out the trash, and you forgot what you were going to do. That used to happen to me, but thanks to a lot of training and practice, it’s not like that anymore. Most of the time, anyway
You’re right – it’s not all that bad. Good luck and keep on keepin’ on.
BB
Brandon
In response to the young man with the concussion;
Sports Concussions are not a joke, take this seriously.
1. I strongly, strongly urge you to get a neurological evaluation. If your parents are reluctant due to financial reasons if you are under 23 many states will cover the cost. Go to these links and show them this information;
http://www.headinjury.com/sports.htm
http://www.biausa.org/brain-injury-awareness-month.htm
You can also go to your coach and get him/her to support you in this. In fact you should absolutely tell your coach. If they do not respond or they minimize the issue you should go to your schools administrators.
You should stop playing any contact sport IMMEDIATELY until ALL symptoms have resolved. Second injuries can make the problem far worse and more lasting and pervasive.
During this time of ‘recovery’ you should minimize your cognitive workload – no video games, action movies, rapid movement, etc. You may need to have a reduced workload in school for a while with extra help and/time for test taking and studying.
If you do not know of resources seek out your BIA organization. Keep after them, some of them are very limited in staffing.
You may need some form of cognitive rehab. This is not something you can ‘just’ teach yourself and then you will be normal. While 80% of concussions resolve completely 20% prove to be lasting and lifetime injuries. They may cause behavioral changes, changes in intellectual functioning, increased fatigue, depression, loss of impulse control, and many other issues. If you are under 25 you have an excellent chance of rebuilding your functions back to a level that is highly functional. I don’t say normal because the word is not clear – we all function differently and with time, stress, education, etc our abilities vary considerably. Normal for each person can be different and so it is hard to say what constitutes normal. Many people with mild TBI’s give every appearance of normal and feel normal but make many mistakes, get into trouble a lot, are easily confused etc and they do not realize it is a processing problem. Having a good rehab program CAN pay off – but I admit it is hard to find one (though it is getting better). There are organizational strategies, time management strategies, reading and other compensatory skill strategies – all of which can benefit you for the rest of your life. These are often simply skills that MOST people would benefit from but are especially important in brain injury. If you have a brain injury your brain is constantly working at healing – if you let it heal the ‘wrong’ way it you will constantly struggle – if you get good training you will not have issues later in life. You will need to take extra care of yourself for a while – getting extra sleep, eating wholesome food and having a healthy lifestyle.
People with BI may feel like they are having psychological issues because of adjustments they are making (or not making) and because they do not have the skills to handle the changes of their injury – and sometimes because of the injury itself. Depression is VERY high in people with BI – as is suicide and substance abuse. Knowing the basis and understanding your emotions, as well as feeling empowered to address the problem can prevent this.
BI can be a life altering event, there are no quick fixes, the rebuilding process can take years – and I know of no one who says that they feel like they have completely ‘recovered’ – many people do go on and have successful and accomplished lives but they always feel a little different. However, as I said not all concussions lead to lasting brain injuries and even a concussion can take months to subside completely.
Most states are now passing bills to protect athletes and restrict return to play unless the person has demonstrated that they are no longer symptomatic. They are also requiring coaches to be head injury training. Your coach should learn about brain injury.
Not to frighten you but head injury can be very serious; repeated injuries lead to complications, especially later in life – and the more times you are injured the greater likelihood you will be injured again due to balance and perceptual and thinking problems. If you do the right things you may be able to play sports again (with care) – if you ignore the problem or minimize it you are jeopardizing your future.
Cool post
Thank you for your blogs. Only discovered it now. It feels good to read from others that have the same experiences.
I had a diabetic blackout while horse-riding in October 2010, and went down in dead weight. Sustained hairline fractures, base of skull fractures, permanent loss of sense of smell and taste, partial deafness in left ear and permanent damage to frontal and temporal lobes. Fortunately, I was considered “High-functioning” but the downside to that is that everyone thought I was okay because I have not lost any motorized skills and functioning, and no-one considered rehab. I told everyone I can not read and retain information or have memory problems, but was told “If it comes back, it comes back, if not, you will learn how to live with it”. It took me 5 months to come out of post trauma amensia, and I lost about 2 months of memory before the accident.
Several people asked if I’ll be less intelligent now than before the accident, and I’ve learned to respond by saying, I’m wounded, not stupid! From my experience, I’ve found that if you have sustained broken legs or arms, people are more compasionate. But because they can not see the injury, they don’t think you have it. Even though you are still struggling to search inside yourself to relate the “old brain” with the “new brain”.
Thank you for writing. It is bizarre to have so many issues, yet not have others realize – or if/when they do, have them equate tbi with a change in intelligence. I think a lot of it has to do with the perception that the brain is under our control and the lack of awareness about how big a part it plays in physical functioning. It’s like a “black box controller” that most peolle don’t give a second thought to… until it’s not the same as it was before.
The problems with reading and comprehension sound familiar. I have stopped reading as much as I have in the past. Part of it is that I have trouble retaining what I read, the other part is that I have lost interest in mamy subjects that used to fascinate me. Now my reading is much more “utilitarian” with a strong slant towards non-fiction and neurology.
The changes have been pretty hard to take, in large part because they are hidden from others and in part because most people just don’t like to imagine what it must be like to be in my shoes. So they habe less capacity for empathy.
Good luck with everything – hang in there. It can get better.
I am currently suffering from the after effects of a very bad head trauma due to a motorcycle wreck. You are right I feel stupid but mostly in pain dizzy sick ti my stomach and I can’t smell or taste food any more. It’s been over a month how long does it take this to get better?
Congrats to you for improving
Hi DeeDee,
Sorry to hear about your motorcycle wreck. I’ll bet you’re lucky to be alive — I’ve heard plenty of stories about what can happen in a motorcycle accident…
Anyway, it can take some time for things to settle down. It’s different for everyone. The most important thing is to REST — give your brain and your body plenty of rest. Make sure you drink plenty of water and steer clear of the junk foods. Your brain needs to rebuild. I’ve heard people say that sports drinks like Gatorade and Powerade are very good for your brain, and I do feel better when I drink them – something about the electrolytes and sugars that are readily available to your body to replenish.
My experience is that when I am in pain and really dizzy and sick to my stomach (which happens to me regularly), it’s best if I get plenty of rest. That can help a lot. My sense of smell has never been that great — either ALL ON or ALL OFF — so that has never really gotten better for me, but I can’t remember it ever being different, so I’m not sure if/when that will clear up for you.
For me, my issues come and go, but being really stressed over it and wanting it to hurry up(!) is even harder on me than the actual issues. The stress and hurry makes everything worse — and it makes me really tired, which just makes everything more extreme.
With me, it has literally taken years for some things to get better, but other things have gotten better much more quickly. I “just” fell down some stairs in 2004, but it totally messed me up (my neuropsych says it’s because I’ve had a bunch of concussions in the past). It took me years to realize that something was wrong, to begin with. In your case, you already know, so it will make more sense to you to take good care of yourself. With me, I didn’t realize, and I pushed myself WAY too hard, and it sent me off the rails in a big way.
In your case, you might find things clearing up in a few weeks, a few months, and some things might be problems over the long term. It’s different for everyone. Exercise has helped me a lot, as well as cutting back on a lot of extra activities. Like I said, it’s different for everyone, but you are definitely not alone.
Good luck and be well
BB
Thank you so much for this post.. I just fell last week and have a concussion due to the fall. I didn’t realize it was such a big deal until the symptoms started with headaches, nausea, balance issues, slight memory loss, confusion etc.. and feeling really, really off. I went to my doctor and she said that I do indeed have a concussion. I’ve never had one like this before, and I have felt “stupid” and really weird. I almost feel like a different person! I have noticed that I have trouble doing the same things I could do before like work etc. I’m a classical pianist and at my performance last night, I could hardly read the notes coherently! It was very frustrating. I can’t wait to feel like my normal self again.
Hi Erin,
Sorry to hear about your fall. Make sure you take care of yourself and get plenty of rest. Pushing yourself to perform might not be the best thing to do right now. Your brain has to recover from the chemicals that got released when you fell, and it needs to clear that out. Also, you may need to get different connections in place in your brain to do the things you’re used to doing.
Most people recovery within a few weeks to a few months. If you are still having trouble after a few months, check with your doctor. Concussion can be a big deal, but of course it’s different with everyone. The main thing is to take care of yourself and don’t push yourself too hard for a few weeks. And take care that you don’t hit your head again. You definitely do not want another head injury before this one has cleared.
Good luck and take care
Thank you!
I appreciate the kind words.
I’m definitely going to be very careful these next few months to not hit my head again. That is exactly what my doctor said, that it could take up to six months for it to be cleared, with the symptoms lasting up to six weeks… scary! Glad I just finished finals!
It’s so nice to know something about what is going on in my brain, because this is quite a new experience for me.
I guess I’ll be having a lazy, relaxing summer (hopefully)!!
Thank you again!
-Erin
Sure thing Erin – sounds like a perfect plan for summer. Just remember, when things seem strange or unfamiliar, your brain might need to remember/relearn how to do some things. No big deal – like learning anything, really. You just have to be patient and give yourself a little extra time. You may find yourself getting impatient, now and then, but take it easy and keep going, and things can work themselves out.
Best of luck – enjoy your summer!
Your blog is amazing! I’ve had a handful of sports-related head injuries myself and I don’t think people realize how someone can truly be affected in normal day-to-day activities. Knowing what you have to do/say but your brain not processing everything on its way out, it’s frustrating. It’s been about a year since my last concussion, but I still feel “off” sometimes. Your posts are inspiring, I look forward to continue reading your blog. Thank you!
Thanks very much – glad you found your way here. Have a great day.
Thank you for writing this, even if it was a year ago. Made me feel a lot better while I’m struggling recovering from my 3rd concussion (second this school year). I just wish you could be more certain with the kinds of things like WHEN the wiring is back to normal
Hi – and thanks for writing.
Concussion is hard. Not having any certainty is one of the hardest things about it, for sure. And if you’ve had several, it can be nerve-wracking, because each time things can get a little worse — for me, I went through a number of them, without really realizing the impact they could have on me — I just muddled and soldiered through and made the best of it, all the while struggling in ways I didn’t fully realize. Then BAM I got hurt in 2004, and everything went to hell. I wonder a lot of times if things might have been different, if I’d spent time resting and recuperating after my prior concussions, rather than running right back into the fray. I never got help, never got much-needed information (which it sounds like you have), so for me things got pretty bad later on.
You’re in a position where things don’t have to be like that for you. It is stressful, waiting for things to normalize again, and it’s so hard because we literally cannot see what’s going on in our brains. All we can see are symptoms and signs, and sometimes we don’t want to look at them, because they mean bad news.
I’m not sure that we ever go back to “normal” because when the brain changes, well, it changes. That doesn’t need to be a bad thing, though. In a way, our brains are never normal, if we are living life to the fullest, because they are always changing with each new thing we experience and do. So, in a way, being normal is a sign that things are not as dynamic and growing as they could be.
Hang in there and take it easy — there will be plenty of time later to go all-out. Just not yet. Patience will pay off.
It seems the concussion I had last year is still affecting me . I recently did something stupid and it reminded me of the stupid things I did after my concussion. I liked to think the wiring in my brain was pretty much back to normal, Yesterday, however, I signed my credit card in permanent marker at the top rather than the middle strip on the card. I was struggling to find where to sign and must have tried signing in the wrong spot. When that didn’t work, I asked to borrow a permanent marker while I was at a store and used it. When I looked again today, I couldn’t believe I had missed the obvious strip designated for signing. I noticed behaviors like this last year for the first time, where things I had once done automatically seemed so difficult, and I felt that something wasn’t connecting and it took much longer for things to register in my mind. I also noticed many more typos and that it doesn’t come out correctly as often when I type. I still feel like the I have to correct many more typos than pre-concussion and that it’s harder to find words. I am also still really bothered by loud music, which never bothered me before the concussion. I thought this had gotten better, but when I had to be at a dance last night, I found it so painful I stood in the coat room. I still had an earache and headache this morning, though it’s better now. Do you think it’s helpful to see a neurologist? I never had an MRI.
Hi Sue,
Sorry to hear about the latest “interesting” developments in your life. It sounds really familiar. Signing your credit card in the wrong place sounds like something I would do, myself. That happens to me when I am overwhelmed and tired and there is too much going on around me, for me to focus on what is in front of me.
And typos and misspellings — which were rarely a problem for me in the past, all of a sudden started cropping up after my fall in 2004. Misspell words? Who, me? When I started misspelling words and missing things, it really freaked me out, because that was always one of my top points of pride — being able to spell and write without those kinds of errors.
Years later, I still have some issues with it, but I’ve trained myself to pay extra attention and double-check my work, just in case I mess up, which I sometimes do.
Loud music is a killer for me. I just can’t do it. I used to just put my head down and soldier through it, but that’s way too much energy for me. I’d rather just avoid it. I spend a lot of time on the fringes at events like that, usually hanging out with other people who also have issues and don’t want to look too dorky, hiding in the cloakroom. There are more of us than we realize, thought it’s not always TBI/concussion. But not everybody loves loud music, even though sometimes we have to be around it.
As for a neurologist, I have not had good experiences with them. I see a neuropsychologist regularly, who helps me sort through my experiences, so I don’t get thrown off and overwhelmed. They’re like a “post-concussion coach” and they know about all the things that can go wrong… and they know how to help me work out alternatives to things that aren’t working. Having someone in my court who I can talk to freely about what’s going on with me, has been instrumental in just calming me down and helping me get a clearer idea of what my options are.
I had an MRI, but it was all clear. Concussions often don’t show up on MRIs because the injury is very subtle and hidden in the microscopic neurons and synapses and axons and all the tiny wiring in our heads.
Another thing to keep in mind is the possible impact to your medical history, if you start turning to experts for help. I pretty much got blacklisted by neurologists in my area, because they all thought I was drug-seeking or trying to outsmart the insurance companies, and they shared notes with each other. Fortunately, my main doctor has two sons who are both neurologists, so when I talk to them they can refer to their kids for that kind of guidance. They are also very sympatico with me, and I can talk freely with them.
It’s very important to have someone “in your court” when you start looking for professional help – I would recommend you contact your local Brain Injury Association office (http://www.biausa.org/state-affiliates.htm) to talk to someone about your situation. It’s very normal to believe that neurologists and imaging will provide answers you need and the guidance you are looking for, however unless they are really familiar with concussion, you can find yourself combating their biases and struggling to explain – when they are the ones who should be explaining to you.
Your local BIA chapter may be able to help you find someone to work through your issues – and it sounds like a neuropsychologist could be a lot more help to you than a neurologist. And the Give Back LA TBI recovery materials at http://www.givebackla.com/?cat=1 can be a huge help. They really saved my butt, at the start — lots of really great information to put into action.
Anyway, I hope this has been helpful. Good luck and hang in there.
Brandon -
BB’s comments are spot on – though you may have to see if neurologist if you have insurance that requires it for the neuropsych evaluation – they can be very expensive. Also it sounds like you may need a neuro-opthamalogist -this is not that your eyesight is bad but rather that your brain is having a hard time processing the information from your vision correctly. Some urban areas do have outpatient tbi programs – and, again, if you have the insurance or a state waiver, you can get a range of services – PT, OT, neuro-psych, some forms of cog rehab etc. Not all programs are equal but they can be a starting point.
BIA’s may or may not be able to guide you – some are very strong and have great resources, others not. They usually don’t give a specific doctor name out for legal reason. There is also the BIAA (Brain Injury Association of America) and the USBIA – the United States Brain Injury Association. Some of the state chapters broke away from BIAA and formed a kind of trade group. So not all BIA’s in the state are listed with BIAA – you might need to check the USBIA.