Less than a week till I get my life back

Oh

My

God

I am so tired, it’s crazy. I’ve been working almost non-stop on some really tough problems for what feels like years. It’s actually only been a few months since we started turning up the volume on the workload at work, but it feels a lot longer than that.

This weekend, I have to sort out my car situation — hopefully get a new one (well, new to me, anyway), and say farewell to the old (and I mean old) one. I will probably have to work a bit, getting things in order. And figure out my money situation, which is in need of a serious overhaul, right now. I’ll figure something out. I always do.

Well, I’ve got to get back to work – I’ll be occupied through the evening, and it all starts again tomorrow bright and early. At least I have a job. And at least I don’t live in Little Falls, New Jersey. I really feel for those people, right now. Millions are still without power and many are facing personal catastrophes.

All in all… the more I think about it… the more things are absolutely, positively okay.

Still, I’ll be glad to have my life back in a week.

You know you’re tired when…

This morning, I’ve reached a whole new level of fatigued silliness. I actually woke up with this “bright idea” about a personal improvement “information product” that I was convinced could help millions of people overcome a common problem.

Sheesh! I must be tired.

And I am. I did get some good sleep over the weekend, thankfully. But I’m going on about 4-1/2 hours right about now, and I have a long day ahead of me. I do plan to take some time out around mid-day to relax and rest. With any luck, I’ll be able to just chill.

Good luck with that, right? Money is very tight, and now I need to get a “new” (well, different) car. The one I’ve got will not pass inspection, and the sticker runs out in a few days, so I’ve got to move fast. Also, we’re winding down to this big deadline next week, and we’ve got a bunch of last-minute things we need to take care of. And we are relocating our offices, which is bound to “shake some people loose”, as the company culture changes and people decide they don’t want to change *that* much.

I’ve also been having some health issues, more pain, and have been undergoing tests. The ageing household pet had to have tests, too, which is never cheap (clearly, I’m in the wrong business – I should have been a vet, like I originally planned!) And let’s not forget the weather. The area where I live did not get the terrible storms that other areas did, but I have friends and family who were impacted, and I’m getting pretty compassion-fatigued. It’s just hard, all around. I have to make my house payment this coming month, and like so many Americans, this is going to be a challenge. I will probably be late with my payment for the first time in nearly 10 years, but if that’s what has to happen, that’s what has to happen. So there we have it.

Yes, I’ve got plenty of stress. The difference between this stress and other kinds, is that on a certain level, I feel like my life is being endangered, and it’s pretty rough. My spouse has been having a really rough time with the car issue, since the one that’s rapidly passing to the next world is “their” car, and without wheels, they’re stuck — and they panic at the very thought. With regard to the money, things are so tight, it’s hard to see how we’re going to make ends meet.

So, small wonder I’m up at 4 a.m., hashing over how to make it through. We’re very close to the edge here – like so many, these days. And I find myself coming up with all sorts of really bizarre ideas for how to make money. Coming up with ideas for things to make and sell… things to advertise… internet riches, and all that. I can see how “infopreneurs” who sell hope can get rich, these days. So many people are in tough straits, trying to figure things out, and the lure of online profits can be all but irresistable.

But it’s when I start thinking along those lines, that I know I’m in trouble. And I know I’m tired. All sorts of crazy schemes come to mind, and I bounce from one “bright idea” to the next, writing them down on the pad of paper beside my bed. At 4 a.m., when I’m nearly at my wits’ end, so much seems like a good idea. Then, when I take another look, hours (or days) later, I just feel foolish and desperate.

I suppose I should cut myself a break, really, and not read too much into these flights of fancy. I could easily make this out to be a sign that I’m mentally ill and I need professional help. Or it could mean that I’m just really tired and stressed, and I need to take a break and let myself catch up with my rest. It also could mean that I’m investing way too much time and energy in the everyday nitty-gritty (important as it may be), and I’m losing sight of the long view, the ultimate goals I have for myself.

Times like this, when there are so many pressing details pushing in on me, it can be really rough to figure things out. And it can feel all but impossible to see the long view of what I’m about and what I want to do with my life. I’m lost in the trees… not much forest to be seen, these days.

Well, I suppose this will all pass and I’ll come out on the other side with a deeper appreciation for what really matters in life. But for now, I’m overtaxed and under-rested, and just looking for ways to catch up.

So it goes.

TBI Myth #2: Recovery Occurs in a Year

Here’s more discussion of The 10 Myths of Head-Injury

Myth #2: Recovery Occurs in a Year
It was a traditional rule of thumb for physicians to tell patients and families that “whatever recovery will occur will happen in the first 12 months.” This was probably based on the observation that the neurological examination at one year was quite predictive of neurological status years later.

BB: I find it interesting that neurological exams after one year of recovery can be predictive of neurological status quite some time after. I don’t know exactly what this means. Maybe it has to do with neurological qualities or states. Maybe it’s a measurement of how the brain works overall.

Neuropsychological research unwittingly advanced this myth by looking at groups of head injured patients and discovering that the group mean on certain tests stabilized at about one year. Unfortunately, families understood all this to mean that functional recovery stopped after a year.

BB: Yeah, looking at groups of patients is problematic, especially because brain injury is such a unique phenomenon. No two injuries are alike, and no two recoveries are alike. What we do have in common is that we have to do things differently, and we have to stick at it. It’s pretty sad, that families were led to believe that functional recovery stops after a year, and you’re just stuck with what you’ve got. It sets everyone up for failure and frustration, and it’s not necessary.

Nothing could be further from the truth. First, more careful research seems to show that the duration of improvement varies as a function of severity of injury; less severe injuries improve more quickly, more severe injuries more slowly.

BB: I’m glad to hear them saying this. Improvement varies, as much I think as a part of a person’s overall makeup, as the type or severity of the injury. I sometimes thing that in my case, the fact that I’ve had a bunch of concussions over the course of my life, and I’ve been really forced to learn to adapt and grown and change despite the setbacks, may have made me more susceptible to brain injury, but it’s also made me more prone to be more flexible and open to new ideas about how to rebound. I hear stories about TBI survivors who get stuck in rigidity and inflexible behaviors and thinking, and I remember the times when I was there too — and how I eventually figured out that there were better ways to live and behave and relate to other people, than those brittle, rigid ways. Obviously, everyone is different, and there are many personality factors that come into play, but that’s what makes TBI as intriguing as it is frustrating and confounding. I guess a lot of it is how you look at it.

Second, group averages hide individual variations. While the average group score on a test may not change significantly after a year, individuals within that group may continue to improve.

BB: Amen to that. Group averages are never, ever going to reflect the potential of each individual. Averages are by nature… well, averages… and you can’t use them to gauge the chances of specific persons. One person might dramatically  improve in some ways, while they lag in others. And the opposites might be true of someone else. But together they average out to this sort of sad mediocrity.  Averaging out individual results is like going up to a masterpiece oil painting and taking a brush and swirling all the paints and colors around and around and around until you have a grayish brown mud that looks like chemical sludge. But if you consider each color individually and give it time, it can solidify and hold its own, so when you take a brush and swirl it around, five years later, the colors still stay separate and distinct.

Third, neither neurological nor cognitive status is the same as functional ability. Often, it is the environmental changes that occur years later –the death of a parent, the establishment of a relationship, the establishment of a new local program– that is the trigger for a spurt in functional gain.

BB: … neither neurological nor cognitive status is the same as functional ability. I’ll say. Just look at all the people out there who aren’t particularly brilliant or extraordinarily talented, yet they succeed beyond anyone’s wildest dreams. You never can tell, what a person has inside them. And when you’re challenged by some external challenge… that can force you to dig deep and find resources you didn’t think you had before. This has been happening to me a lot, lately. Challenges are popping up all over the place, and I’ve been thinking it’s because I’ve been doing something wrong. But in fact, this may be because I’m doing something right — the better I get, the more I can handle. So, the fact that things are pretty challenging for me, right now, and I honestly feel like I’m losing my mind, might just be a good sign — not a sign that everything is about to fall apart.

The danger with the “recovery occurs within one year” myth is that it lulls families and professionals into thinking that the client’s level of performance at one year is what everyone is stuck with. While the major brain healing may well have occurred within this time frame, true rehabilitation may just be beginning.

BB: This isn’t just true of TBI survivors, I think. It’s true of everyone. We tend to think that we have limits to what we can do — only so many years, only so much talent, only so much love — and when we reach the outer limits of what we think we can do, then we assume it’s all downhill after that. Poppycock. One of the key ideas in this paragraph is about true rehabilitation just beginning, after considerable healing has taken place. The brain doesn’t just need to recover from the insult. It then needs to rewire…. to lay in some new grooves and pathways… to find out where else it can expand. When we set limits on ourselves and our brains, we cheat ourselves of the chance to find out what else is possible. And that’s sad.

On the other hand, many patients and families who have been told the patient “would recover in a year” interpreted this to mean that no matter how severe the injury, by a year the patient would recover fully. This expectation has set the stage for much bitterness and unnecessary disappointments for patients and their families.

BB: It’s a sad state of affairs, that people have believed this. But when the doctor says so, why wouldn’t you believe it? Surely, they must know… right? Maybe. I’m astounded at how many physicians are functionally illiterate when it comes to neurological issues. As though the brain can be avoided or shunted off to the side. I think that people need to be more realistic about doctors and other healthcare providers, and not just accept all they say at face value.

Likewise, healthcare providers need to be cognizant of the impact of traumatic brain injury on how people process information. Of course, everyone wants to believe the best, and a traumatic brain injury can be, well, traumatic. That can seriously mess with your mind and cause you to cling to all sorts of unrealistic hopes, latching onto the first glimmer of hope that comes your way. It’s nobody’s fault, that’s just how we work. And everyone needs to be aware of this phenomenon when discussing and dealing with recovery from TBI.

Well, it’s getting late, and I’m really tired. Time to head to bed.

Raw: Irene in Nags Head

I’m watching videos of Hurricane Irene on the Weather Channel, thinking of all the folks who are evacuating, including friends of mine in New York City. They just keep getting it – all that snow over the winter, and now this.

Makes me glad I live a ways from the action – and on top of a hill, to boot.

Times like this seem to bring out the best and the worst in people. Apparently, some people found it necessary to be outside during the Hurricane. Well, I suppose it takes all kinds…

Times like this, I also get/take the chance to stop and consider what course my life has taken. How much things have changed, just in the past few years. It’s remarkable, really.

Well, it’s time for bed. Enough video for tonight. Time for sleep.

Good night.

Learning the hard way may be the best way

I recently came across this article – Learning information the hard way may be best ‘boot camp’ for older brains (thanks Twitter) and I found it very encouraging. It seems to support what I believe more and more every day — learning things the hard way is the best way of all. And it seems to support my sense that when you’re bouncing back from TBI, and you’re working at overcoming cognitive and behavioral deficits, pushing yourself a bit, making mistakes, and then learning from your mistakes can be very, very helpful.

I’m not a rehab person, so I can’t speak to how rehabilitation theory goes, but it seems to me that — especially with TBI — there may be an eagerness (conscious or not) to ease up when things get tough… easy does it… and let up on the amount of challenge that’s presented to the patient/survivor/individual. I think it may actually be human nature to do that, since you don’t want to push people too terribly hard, especially if they have been injured. You don’t want them to overdo it, and you also don’t want to put yourself in danger by provoking aggressive behavior.

I think that aggressive behavior and tendencies to lash out are particular dangers when it comes to TBI and recovery. People get intimidated and/or they just don’t want to have to deal with it, anymore. When someone with TBI gets overwhelmed and feels put-upon / threatened, they can lash out and make the lives of everyone around them pretty miserable. It’s not fun for anyone, and the person being pushed can end up feeling stupid, depleted, and generally less of a real person than they were before.

And nobody wants that.

So, we tend to back off. Unconsciously, I think. Because we don’t always know what to do, and our lives are often “exciting” enough without having to deal with someone’s brain injury on top of it. So, we don’t push others. And if we’ve got our own brain injury issues to deal with, we may get dispirited from having a bunch of bad experiences that make us think there’s something wrong with us, and we have to do less instead of more, so we don’t end up looking/sounding/acting like freaks.

The thing of it is, though, this may be the opposite of what we should be doing. Especially if we are older. It’s one thing for kids who experience TBI – their brains are changing and growing and they are still being developed. And learning the hard way may pose issues for them, as their personalities are still developing, and they may pick up some flawed messages (or interpretations of messages) from their experiences.

For older brain injury survivors, however, it could be that making mistakes and learning from them is the best medicine.

From the article:

Canadian researchers have found the first evidence that older brains get more benefit than younger brains from learning information the hard way – via trial-and-error learning.

The finding will surprise professional educators and cognitive rehabilitation clinicians as it challenges a large body of published science which has shown that making mistakes while learning information hurts memory performance for older adults, and that passive “errorless” learning (where the correct answer is provided) is better suited to older brains.

“The scientific literature has traditionally embraced errorless learning for older adults. However, our study has shown that if older adults are learning material that is very conceptual, where they can make a meaningful relationship between their errors and the correct information that they are supposed to remember, in those cases the errors can actually be quite beneficial for the learning process,” said Andreé-Ann Cyr, the study’s lead investigator.

In two separate studies, researchers compared the memory benefits of trial-and-error learning (TEL) with errorless learning (EL) in memory exercises with groups of healthy young and older adults. The young adults were in their 20s; the older adults’ average age was 70. TEL is considered a more effortful cognitive encoding process where the brain has to “scaffold” its way to making richer associations and linkages in order to reach the correct target information. Errorless learning (EL) is considered passive, or less taxing on the brain, because it provides the correct answer to be remembered during the learning process.


In both studies, participants remembered the learning context of the target words better if they had been learned through trial-and-error, relative to the errorless condition. This was especially true for the older adults whose performance benefited approximately 2.5 times more relative to their younger peers.

This really excites me, because it confirms what I have firmly believed for some time — that the process of learning from mistakes is far more instructive than getting everything right the first time. I’ve seen it time and time again, and I do believe it’s one of the secrets of my success over the years — I’m not afraid to make mistakes. The times when mistakes are a problem, are when other people have no tolerance for mistakes, and they expect me to get everything right the first time.

Here’s the deal — I’ve had enough injuries and experiences over the course of my life, that the chances of me getting everything right the first time are slim to none. And in fact, the times when I do (by chance) get things right the first time, I’m less likely to repeat the performance on down the line.

So, I have a pretty high tolerance for screwing up the first time through. The problem is, however, I am working with people now who don’t have a high tolerance for it. They get nervous. They think it means there’s something wrong. I say, as long as people are pulling together as a team and can help cover for each other and area available to help — and there is no stigma associated with screwing up — you can get a ton of work done, and do it quite well. And everybody can learn something from it. But if you hang your hat on always getting everything right, delivering everything ON TIME and being 100% error-free at all times, without fail, well then, you’re just setting up bogus expectations that will make everyone feel like crap.

I think one of the hurdles with overcoming TBI when you’re older, is that conviction that you’ve already learned what you need to know, and you’re not going to need to learn things again. Or that if you have to learn things again, and you screw up the first time (or first couple of times) you do something that “should” be familiar, it means there’s something wrong with you, and you’re damaged permanently.

This is also a big problem, when you’re dealing with other adults, who hang their hats on the idea that they are experts and they know all there is to know about their subject matter and domains of expertise. It’s tough, especially in professional circles, where your livelihood depends on KNOWING how things work and being EXTREMELY CAPABLE  in everything you do. In a business environment, where precision and perfection are prized and financially rewarded, it can be pretty tough going. Especially when everyone around you is even harder on themselves than on others. In a work environment, there is this mythos of perfection, of ideal execution, of getting things right, no matter what. Especially in technology, we’ve got this, and it’s a pain in the ass at times. There’s just this expectation that if you’re being compensated a certain amount, you’re going to perform at a certain level. And there’s not a lot of margin for error. Getting it right the first time is the ideal.

But I don’t think life works like that. And I think that sets us up for failure of our own making. Of course things will be overlooked. Of course we will make mistakes. Of course we need to relearn things. Of course we’re going to be constantly surprised by the areas where we have to make more progress, even repeat former progress. Of course we’re going to have plenty of occasions where we’re a lot less facile than we thought we would be. That’s all part of relearning to live our lives in this new way. But it doesn’t mean we’re broken, permanently damaged, or unable to have full and fulfilling lives.

Far from it.

It just means we’re human in all different ways, and we have the opportunity to learn again — again and again and again.

Ultimately, I think a lot of it is about avoiding those mental traps we block ourselves into — being too brittle, inflexible, and not being open to greater possibilities in life. TBI is problematic in that it can make us more agitated, restless, irritable, and aggressive, and our brains are really sensitive to flagging energy, so that can make this kind of “boot camp” learning problematic. But if we can get past the idea that messing up means there’s something wrong, then this kind of trial-and-error learning can be a very powerful tool in helping us get back to where we want to be — and even better.

So, how DO I tell if I’m hurt?

I’ve been taking it easy, the past few days, trying to settle my nerves after that last fall. It was more like a slip-and-collapse than a fall, really. I think I did the right thing by just letting myself go down, instead of trying to break my fall. Still, I did hit my head, and I’ve been a little “off” ever since.

I really think it’s just nerves. Anxiety fiddling with my head. I’ve been a little uncoordinated, a bit edgy, and I haven’t felt quite like myself. But I’ve been working like a crazy person, lately, putting in super long hours, and that’s got to have an effect on me.

It couldn’t ALL be the fall.

Anyway, it’s been a challenge, figuring out whether the problems I’ve been having have been because I really got hurt, or I just got scared. The aches and pains and bruises on my arm are clearing up, but I still have this painful knot on the side of my head that bothers me when I touch it. I try not to touch it, but I also like to check in and see how it’s doing. I expected it to go down sooner, but it’s still bothering me, still feels tender.

I see my neuropsych tomorrow. They may be able to tell me something about that. Or not. They’re not a doctor, after all.

This is the big problem (for me, anyway) with head injuries — how do I tell which of my problems are neurological, and which are psychological, and which are physiological? I’ve definitely been “off” since the fall, and I think it may have plenty to do with anxiety, nerves, being worried about getting hurt. And also feeling stupid about falling in the first place.

Then there’s the physical problems — being off balance because I wrenched my shoulder and neck, and my muscles are not balance the way they usually are.

Then there’s the psychological stuff, the anxiety and nerves. The sick sinking feeling of helplessness as that slow-motion action happens and I can’t stop myself — or things happen so fast, I don’t have time to stop myself. Sense of helplessness. Loss of control.

Well, I’m tired. I need to go to bed. I try not to think about it too much, but what if I’m actually hurt?

Taking it easy… really

I’m still a little rattled after my fall. It’s a little bothersome, worrying about this, but I don’t want to make light of it, while at the same time not blowing it out of proportion. I had thought about calling my doctor, but for what — falling out of bed? How lame.

One of the things that makes it more difficult is this thought that I don’t really have the ability to self-assess. That my brain is going to tell me the wrong things about what’s going on, and I may either over-do the vigilance, or overlook something that’s important.

I don’t want to go to either extreme. So, I’m taking the middle ground, and I’m doing my utmost to just use common sense about things and not get all bent over stuff that happens.

I have been a little clumsier since my fall. But I think that can be chalked up to having been shaken up. I am also a little more off balance because I jammed my shoulder and my neck is sore and stiff in ways it isn’t usually sore and stiff. So, my balance is a little off. I’m also a little stressed – not only because of the fall, but because of work, as well. I’m coming down to the wire on this project, and there are a million little details to keep track of, some of which come up at the last minute and take everyone by surprise.

On top of that, my company is relocating 30 minutes farther from home in a new building with (possibly) new organizational structure. There’s lots of change going on, and I need to keep up.

I really need to keep up.

In a way, it’s helpful that so much is going on. I can’t imagine having a lot of time on my hands to sit around and fret about falling. I have to stay focused and steady, which is keeping my head from running away with me. It keeps me from thinking that my jangled nerves are a sign of neurological damage, that my balance issues are about my head, instead of my shoulders and indeed the whole muscular off-balance of my upper body. It keeps me from getting carried away and telling myself it’s all downhill from here.

Good thing… I just need to get on with it.

Me and my mini multi-trauma

Well, wouldn’t you know it, no sooner do I start writing about multi-trauma, than I fall, hit my head, and jam my arm and shoulder. I’ve spent the past few days trying to figure out which I should be more concerned with: my sore scalp, my tight and aching neck, or my banged up elbow.

It was stupid, really. One of those dumb things that can happen when you’re half-asleep and you lose your balance for one unfortunate moment. I didn’t gauge my distance from the table I was near, and when I lost my footing and went down, my temple bounced off the side/corner of the table, and down I went on my left elbow. Fortunately, it’s a small table, and the corner/edge I hit is not pointy. I also fell on top of some stuff that broke my fall, which was helpful, because the floor is all hardwood, and I could have seriously hurt myself, if I’d gone straight down with all my weight on my one arm.

As it was happening and I was falling down, it was like you see in movies – everything in slow motion, and me thinking “Oh, sh*t, this can’t be happening…” Then before I know it, I’m on the floor my head inside the tipped-over trash can (not sure if I hit that with my head — it was early in the wee morning hours, and I was out of it), and a pile of odds and ends underneath me.

I think I’m okay. The left side of my head, right in front of my ear, hurts like a bitch, and my neck and shoulders are sore and cracking. My elbow aches less than it did yesterday, which is good. But I don’t think I had any alteration of consciousness, and aside from being rattled by the experience, and getting things a little turned around now and then (nerves, I believe) I haven’t had any deficits that I’ve noticed.

And I would notice.

Because I’m on high alert. Knowing what I know about mild tbi, I’m admittedly a little hyper-vigilant about symptoms and signs of trouble. But I’ve been pretty clear, aside from being in pain and achey and still feeling foolish about the fall. And aside from a tension headache and the soreness on my head, I don’t think I’ve had any other problems worth mentioning.

I’m paying attention to myself, though. And I’m going out of my way to take it easy. Because the fall really threw me for the first day. I was pretty spooked. And I was distracted, too, by my concern. I hit my head… kept going through my head. Not fun. So, I have had to pay close attention to what I’m doing, because my distraction has made me clumsy and prone to doing absent-minded things. And that probably poses as much of a risk to me, as anything.

The last thing I need is to do something that really gets me hurt, when I’m just worried about being hurt.

Anyway, I’m tired and I need to sleep. I can’t let myself get all stressed out over this. It’s disconcerting, and it’s off-putting, but at least I didn’t do more damage.

That’s something.

Increasing mental effort – getting started

One area where I really need to put in more mental effort is with getting started on things. I’ve had increasing issues getting going on projects and tasks that I really need to take care of… but I just can’t manage to get started.

Over the weekend, I had a bunch of errands to run, and a bunch of things to do, but I got next to nothing done. I had a very busy day on Saturday, having a couple of social get-togethers over the course of the day, and then on Sunday, I did some critical stuff that couldn’t be avoided. But some of the less critical things didn’t get done. They’ve been hanging out for weeks, even months, these little tasks. But somehow I just can’t get started with them. At the time, it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. But afterwards, I end up kicking myself for not being more pro-active.

I don’t recall having had this problem before my last fall. Ten years ago, I was a real go-getter, doing a ton of stuff on a regular basis, keeping up with tasks and getting them done pronto. At home and at work, I was very active and engaged on all levels, and I got a lot accomplished. There was none of this putting off mowing the lawn for weeks… none of this putting off cleaning out the garage for months… I just did it.

At work, I’ve noticed a change, too. I used to be so together and organized, but now I’m kind of all over the place. More distractable, perhaps? Probably. More anxious and apprehensive about things? Definitely. Or maybe it’s just the type of work I’m doing now, compared to what I was doing before. In the past, I usually had someone riding my butt about getting things done. And I was accountable to them. Now, however, I’m largely responsible for identifying things I need to do, and getting them going — by myself. The ante has also been upped on my work, and the type of work I am doing has more of an impact. So, that’s more anxiety-producing.

Still, I definitely feel different than I did before.

It feels strange and oddly unfair — when I need to have more ability at getting started, I feel like I have less. I also feel like it’s an unfair situation, that expectations are too big for me, and I feel sorry for myself.

Poor me. (Can you hear the violins playing?)

Basically, I need to do three things:

  1. Get it through my head that I need to put a little extra effort into getting started with things. It’s this realization that makes the difference. If I don’t get that this requires additional effort for me, then I don’t bother. I think it’s a piece of cake, a breeze, and I just keep going the way I have been, which doesn’t work that great, actually.
  2. Find some sort of motivation to get me going. Knowing I have to make the extra effort is fine, but I also need a reason to do it. I need some sort of reward, some sort of payoff.
  3. Get some kind of support for my extra effort and work. I’m not talking about human support, I’m talking about logistical support. Like seeing the work as part of a larger picture of my life that gives what I’m doing some greater meaning, other than just ticking something off my to-do list. I need to have a larger “story” about what I’m doing — something that is in keeping with my larger world view. And I need support in developing that story. I’ve been reading some good motivational books, lately, and they are getting me in gear. It’s easier for me to read books and get the help I need that way, than talk to people about things, because then I don’t have to hassle with trying to get my point across to people. I seem to have unique points of view that others don’t always agree with, and I get tired of arguing with people who find “debates” about my personal choices and priorities invigorating. I really just want to get on with my life, not constantly talk about it and redefine it based on others’ input. When I discuss things with other people, it tends to confuse me more than need be, and it holds me back from doing what I need to do.

Getting started… Speaking of which, it’s time to get started getting ready for work. I’ll come up with a motivating story later on. For now, I just need to get moving.