It’s been a rough week – an exhausting week. I’m tired of being exhausted, of “running lean”, and generally pushing through to make things happen in spite of the wishes of the people managing me.
This will be over soon enough, I have a feeling. So, I just need to make the most of it right here, right now. And I need to keep my spirits and energy up, so I can make the most of this opportunity while I can.
I really need to draw as much good out of the current situation as I can find. There are opportunities and benefits to every situation — it is proving to be quite challenging to do that in this situation. I’m just so friggin’ tired…
I’ve been talking to recruiters, over the past couple of weeks. They know I’m not planning to make a move until October, but it can’t hurt to talk to them and see what opportunities are out there, and what the going rates are for these things. I am torn between finding another full-time job and contracting for a while to make some really good money.
Anyway, right now I’m really tired, and I need a nap. I had a full morning — and I actually slept till 7:45, which was a rare occurrence, so I got a later start than usual, even for a Saturday. I did my chores, took care of business, and now I can take my shower and rest.
It’s all good. It’s just really tough right now. I’m not sure why things are so hard for me, at this point, but I’m sure I’ll see my way through. One thing that’s making it harder in my mind is that my NP is out of town for a few weeks, so I won’t see them till the week after next. Ugh. I hate feeling this vulnerable and dependent. So, I’m going to channel my energy into my studies and just hang in there for the time being.
It will all work out. I know it will. It’s just a bit tough right, now.
So, off to bed. As Ah-nold said — “I’ll be back.”
You are aware that you DO HAVE to rest to give the brain a chance to rest and recoup! I’m guilty as well of pushing myself beyond where I know is a good and safe point for me to be in. Have been stepping up my efforts to return to work and have some reservations over how I’ll hold up. Slow down and give yourself and your new brain a chance to catch up!Be well!!!
Dear BBBM,
Thank you for your posts and honesty – makes me feel normal.
Things are hard for you right now because you are dealing with not just your daily details, but also a build up effect of some ongoing, intense stressors. Be kind to yourself; whether you have TBI or not, what you have been experiencing at work would drain your precious energy. Added to that are the stressors regarding your future.
Sounds like you are doing a lot of right things to take of yourself – except understanding that you also need to have compassion for yourself.
If a friend came to you with the same story you have, and expressed, “I’m not sure why things are so hard for me” – what would you say?
Rooting for you!
Yes, you’re right – I am actually aware of that. I slept for 3-1/2 hours after that post, and I got another 7+ hours overnight. Rest is key… With returning to work, I have found that I can keep up my formerly blistering pace for a day or so, then I have to back off and just recoup. I had to get used to the idea of functioning when I am really, really tired… then doing something about it. It’s my line of work — very extreme. I would love to find another way to make a living… I’m working on that. But for the time being, I need to stay on, and just keep plugging. Good luck with ramping up again.
Thanks – I appreciate it. I do tend to be pretty hard on myself. There’s just so much to do, and it’s got to get done. And I tend to get so focused on getting it done that I don’t pay attention to myself. So, that’s that. I do need to step back… and I need to give myself credit. So, I shall. It’s really all good. I just get tired. And I know how to address that. Thanks for writing, and thanks for the props.