Over the years, I have found myself willing to tolerate some pretty intolerable sorts of behavior from them, because I figured I didn’t deserve better. For years, my spouse had to yell — really *yell* — at me, just to get my attention. Other people thought they were being verbally abusive, but in all honesty, I hadn’t yet learned how to listen attentively, and I was usually so distracted by, well, everything, that they *had* to yell at me. At the same time, it does kind of wear on you, to have someone hollering at you all the time, so that didn’t help us much.

When I figured things out and started to get help for my TBIs, my spouse at first was very supportive, but they got tired of the whole “recovery thing” pretty quickly and they just wanted to go back to how things were. Not because it was better that way, but because it was familiar. Maybe that made it easier for them.

We have been through a lot of ups and downs in the past four years, and we almost split up, a couple of years ago, but they got some counseling and they have been figuring things out, so we have stayed together. I guess they decided I was worth the trouble, after all

TBI can be incredibly hard on the spouse, who cannot see what is going on inside, and because a lot of us try to hide what is going on — or we just don’t understand, ourselves — it doesn’t make things easier. I have close family members who have experienced stroke, so I have something to compare it to. I think keeping your sense of humor and not getting too “heavy” really helps a lot. Treating life like an interesting adventure, rather than a chore to be endured, is a skill that not everyone has, but is definitely a plus.

We don’t have any kids, which is fortunate, because they probably would have been taken from me long ago. I have had long periods of time in the past, where my temper was uncontrolled and extreme, and I would lash out physically and without much warning. I never hit my spouse, but I have had pets that actively avoided me. I can’t say that things would have been good for my kids. They definitely would have needed therapy. So, I can’t really speak to parenting, other than that I’m glad I never had to find out the hard way.

Sometimes I regret not having kids. But then I remember the way I have been in the past, and I’m glad I chose to not have any.

As for guest blogging, my spouse does not know about this blog. I keep this very confidential, so I can speak freely about many issues, some of which my spouse would not agree with. It’s easier this way.

Have a great day and best of luck to you and your husband.

I have to say, I really do think this job of the last three years has fried me, and really set me back in some significant ways. It’s all the multi-tasking and the constant interruption and half-assed quick-and-dirty way of working that never lets me (or anyone else at the company) actually finish anything 100%.

I will be glad to move on. I’ve been in many frenetic situations before, but this has to be the worst of them all. The first year, it was interesting and challenging, then it just became a pain in the ass, and now it’s just something to endure.

But enough about me. It’s true what you say about stress and how people interpret their impact in the world. We often have no clue how we impact others, whether for good or for ill.