Well, I had my first face-to-face meeting with recruiters who are helping me look for work. They’re a permanent placement firm that specializes in high tech, and they are not the people I need to be working with. Looking back, I really missed a lot of clues about whether they would be a good fit for me, and I was feeling pretty down on myself yesterday, for “wasting” my time with them. They were not a good fit in so, so many ways. But the more I think about it, the more I realize it was very educational for me, especially with my new information about TBI impacts and after-effects.
The first clue actually came when I was first talking with the recruiter who contacted me — a guy who just wouldn’t take “no” for an answer, when he was trying to get me to come in and talk to them. He kept pushing for me to show up at a certain time, and I told him, “No, I can’t do that time.” I told him I was booked prior to that time, and I couldn’t make it. (I’m getting tense, just thinking about it.)
He just wouldn’t let it go, and I had to really snap at him, before he backed off and agreed to see me at the time I said I could meet him.
I’m kicking myself for not picking up on that clue, first thing. But I’m a kind-hearted sort, and I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Plus, I wanted to get my resume out there, and it sounded like they were a firm that really makes a great effort to find good opportunities. I don’t like to write people off, right away, but as it turned out, I probably should have.
The next clue came when I had to reschedule our meeting, and the recruiter kept pushing me to come in sooner and sooner than I said I could. This guy just wasn’t hearing me, when I said, “No, that time won’t work for me.” He just wouldn’t budge. Thinking about it, now, a whole lot of frustration and anger comes up, but when I was in the moment, it didn’t occur to me that his behavior was inappropriate or pushy or out of line. It just was what it was.
We finally agreed on a time to meet — at least, I think we did. I wrote down 4:00 in my book — right in front of me. The guy kept pushing for 3:00… I don’t think I agreed to 3:00. But I may have… I should have confirmed by e-mail the time we agreed to meet, just so we’d both be on the same page. And I’d have actual written confirmation. Ideally, it would have been best if he’d e-mailed me with the time.
Because when I got there at the time I’d written down (4:00), the guy said, “You finally made it!” and he sounded a little miffed. I didn’t even pick up on it, at that moment. Just went right over my head. I innocently said, “Yes,” like there was nothing wrong. And then he disappeared, after telling me that he was handing me off to some of the other recruiters at the firm.
So, that was odd, and I was wondering why he seemed agitated with me. “Oh, well,” I shrugged, and had a seat. They had a small seating area in front, with a receptionist who wasn’t really that “with it” sitting there watching the clock. She kept asking me if I needed a drink of water or coffee, or whatever. I had just had a cup of coffee, so I declined.
I started to get a bit agitated, sitting there in the reception area. Not only was their clock a few minutes fast, but the receptionist had to print out copies of my resume — I’d been told to bring extras, which I did. But they told her to go ahead and print out additional copies.
I sat in reception, waiting for someone to come see me, as the clock ticked away… watching through the open door into their “bullpen” of recruiters. It looked like a scene from the movie “Wall Street” with everyone sitting at tables, facing each other, phones wedged between chin and shoulder, talking loud and high-fiving each other and passing notes back and forth. That should have been the third clue that told me to get out of there. The whole “bullpen” was chaos, loud, frantic, hustling… I was starting to get nervous, just watching through the door. I could hardly believe that they left the door open to reception, so everyone could see and hear what was going on in there. Not the most discrete — or professional — of presentations. I sat and watched, intending to just observe… and learn what I could. It’s been a while, since I was in the job market, so I thought it couldn’t hurt to do some observing.
Still, what I saw didn’t make me terribly pleased.
Next clue: The first recruiter who came out to talk to me strode purposefully across the room and stuck out her hand. Not a firm handshake. She was pretty speedy and clearly had a pretty high opinion of herself. She whisked me back into the bullpen, pointing out the different groups — .Net, COM, Java — who were working there. I was absolutely overwhelmed with the energy in the place — very speedy, chaotic, frantic, hustling. But I still thought I’d give it a chance…
I was expecting to go to an office to talk, but she sat me down with her at her part of the table, in the midst of the action. I could hardly believe she was just plopping me down at her desk — no privacy, no ability to talk — it was a very intrusive environment, and I began to get really nervous. She commenced to ask me about my past, my jobs, my activities, etc. She asked me a lot of questions about the technologies I used, the percentage of new development vs. maintenance, what applications and operating systems I used, etc. Very high-level, and when I talked about what I’d done, she had this blank, glassy look on her face. Not very confidence-inspiring. But I still thought I’d give her a chance, and not jump to conclusions…
All in all, it was a very weird situation. It felt like she thought I had something to hide, as though there were something wrong with me for taking time off from work for a while… It was kind of strange, she kept asking me about my reasons for leaving, etc., etc. I supposed it’s all standard procedure, but I was getting increasingly nervous, sitting in that room with all those people on phones — distracting and disorienting… she probably interpreted that as me trying to hide something… or being unsure of my history and my abilities.
She asked about my past and got the names of my past managers… and she said she was going to check in with them… check my past/history… as though there were something more she needed to know. She seemed genuinely perplexed that I would make a break from my huge-ass multinational one-time employer and go off to do something else. Well, I suppose if you’re just a few years out of college, and you haven’t been behind the grindstone for the past 20 years, you wouldn’t understand.
Anyway, she passed me off to a couple more recruiters she works with — they all work as a team, apparently, but it was extremely disorienting to be handed off from one person to another, to another… Having to start from scratch each time, was working on my last nerve, and I really wanted to just get out of there. That was yet another clue that this firm is not a good fit for me — one person after another… chaotic frenzy… and other folks commenting, “You finally made it!”
And me standing there, grinning like an idiot, wondering why they kept mentioning that…
I did get to talk to one gal who was very nice and seemed a whole lot more intelligent than the rest of the lot. She had a position that sounded like it might be a good fit for me. But again, it’s a permanent spot, and it’s a ways from home, which is going to put a whole lot of pressure on me, physically, to commute back and forth. I haven’t done a big commute since my ’04 TBI, and I’m not sure I could make it. Having the fatigue issues that I have, I don’t think driving 20 miles each way in rush hour traffic is going to do it for me. Plus, I’ve heard stories about this company from someone who was treacherously ejected from the company, and knowing what I know, I think it would eventually be too great a stressor to live with on a daily basis.
Plus, I suspect they’d want me there all day, every day. Which I really don’t want to do. I need my rest. I need a part-time contract job, really. Something pretty basic and straightforward.
The final clue that this would not work out, was when the recruiter I was talking to pushed and pushed and pushed for me to interview at this company ASAP — time was of the essence!!! Oh, honestly. She pushed and urged and haggled for me to go talk to people tomorrow, of all days. Nope, sorry — I’ve got things I need to do. She was really pushing for Monday, but that wasn’t working, either. So, I agreed to Tuesday — against my better judgment really. I wanted to do it, actually, but in hindsight, I realize that I shouldn’t have committed to that.
Well, anyway, the end result was that I felt pushed and hurried and rushed, and nobody really understood what I do for a living, or why I would step away from a wonderful company like my huge-ass multinational one-time employer. I felt judged and second-guessed and completely underserved. Of course, it could be me and my mind playing tricks on me (again), but the experience was not a good one.
It just brought up all my TBI issues, all my problems and it made me feel like even more of a reject than I did, when I went in.
So, ultimately, it was a beneficial experience, albeit a very uncomfortable and undermining one.
What I learned was:
- If someone is not listening to me and keeps pushing me, despite me being very clear about my boundaries and limits, I cannot work with them.
- Have firm confirmation of details in an email, not just personal notes jotted down. I can get distracted when I’m writing things down, and I may write down the wrong thing.
- Make sure I get there early, because being on time may be too late, if they’ve set their clocks ahead.
- If someone makes a comment, always counter with an observation or a question. Had I simply said, “We agreed on 4:00 right?” that would have cleared things up. But I didn’t make any mention of the time and the comment, so there we have it.
- I cannot attend an interview in the midst of a bullpen. I need to speak with someone in private, with a door that closes, so I can concentrate only on them and hear them very clearly.
- I cannot work with a large group of people who may or may not be able to find me jobs. I can’t just field calls from whomever.
- I cannot be rushed and pushed into someone else’s schedule. I just can’t work with someone who doesn’t respect my limits and boundaries… and who’s going to hustle me into a position that suits them (and their earning potential), not me.
- If something doesn’t feel right, from the get-go, I need to stop the action and check in with someone who can give me objective feedback about what’s going on. I can’t be afraid to ask for help. I just need to find someone who is impartial and who can offer me some rational input about what can be a very irrational process for me.
So, all in all, it was a beneficial experience. I can’t work with those people, and I need to tell them to remove me from their database. But it was good to find out how… and why… I get hung up on job interviews.
It could be that I need to seek out some rehabilitation or vocational counseling. If I continue to have issues, I’ll need to do that. But for now, I’m pretty focused on just finding a job, so I can make ends meet and introduce more structure into my daily life. And make money using the skills I already have.
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