My catalog of injuries (that I remember)

Below are the head injuries I’ve realized I’ve had over the years — I’ve “narrowed” the list to ones that I recall affecting me – i.e., after the event, I was immediately dazed and confused and/or I noticed significant changes in my processing, moods, behavior.

Childhood Injuries

Fell down the stairs @ age 7

• I fell down the stairs of our house — about 10 stairs, not very steep
• I remember standing at the top of the stairs, then I was at the bottom of the stairs, and I couldn’t figure out how I’d gotten there
• I got up and went to stand in the middle of the dining room near the bottom of the stairs
• My mother heard the racket and came in to see how I was, but I wouldn’t let her near me.
• All I could say was, “It was me.”
• I remember being very dazed and “out of it” for a while, then I collected myself

Hit on the Head with Rock @ age 7 or 8 (1972/73)

• I was struck on the head with a rock thrown by some kids from a nearby neighborhood
• struck on the right side, near the top, behind the hairline
• I remember being knocked out/coming to with my sister hovering over me crying
• We went home, and Mom and Dad saw to me
• they checked to see if I had a concussion – they got help from a friend who was a nurse who told them what to do — get a flashlight and check my pupils
• they had me lie down and made sure I did not fall asleep
• I laid on my left side, so I believe the bump was on my right
• I think I was restless and didn’t want to lie down… but I also wanted to sleep
• I remember them looking me over to find the bump
• I tried to hide my injury from them
• I was very confused and upset with myself for causing them concern
• I didn’t get any medical attention
• My memory immediately after that is sketchy — very “Swiss cheese-y”
• I think that I may have gotten glasses after that
• I was looking up at the moon and it looked like it was double
• I told Mom and Dad and they got very nervous and agitated

After that, I became increasingly aggressive towards the kids I walked to school with, teasing and taunting them. I remember wondering why I was suddenly being so mean to them, and wanting to stop myself, but I couldn’t. I became increasingly withdrawn, I had increasing trouble in school (thinking and interacting with other kids), I got kicked out of my gifted students class for being disruptive, and my 4th grade teacher called me “Crazy ____-zee”.

I was always very physically active, when I was a kid, and I had a lot of falls and bumps while playing

• It was not an uncommon thing for me to bump my head while we were out and about
• in the woods playing, hiking, climbing
• skating, falling on the ice
• playing ball and getting hit or knocked down
• I never thought anything of it — I just got back up and kept playing

Other childhood falls/injuries that I can remember:

Age 8 -11? Not exactly sure when this was. Fell off a running horse at camp, not sure if I hit my head.

• I was riding a horse and it broke into a gallop and tried to throw me off
• I hung onto it, but eventually slipped off
• When the counselors asked me what happened, I had trouble remembering what had occurred and I got confused and disoriented when I tried to tell them what had happened. I couldn’t remember exactly.

High School
Freshman/Sophomore (?) Year (1979-80?)

• Fell from a tree I was climbing
• I “blanked out” and “forgot to hang on”
• I fell about 10-15 feet, landed on my back across a log
• The fall dazed me and knocked the breath out of me – I was dazed for several minutes after the fall
• I stumbled home and laid down
• I was very addled and turned around

Senior Year (1982-83)
Football — got tackled and was a little slow getting up

• was dazed and confused and out of it for a while, but got up and kept playing
• the guy who tackled me saw that I was out of it, and he cut the game short after a little while and he saw I was definitely impaired (moving more slowly and out of it)

Soccer — fell down and took a little while getting up

• was dazed at first, but made light of it

Lacrosse — very physical games

• lots of contact, bumping, falling, rough-and-tumble

Adulthood

Car Accidents

I was in several car accidents (1988-89)

1.Hit from the (driver’s) side by a speeding sedan, 1988

• Police came, I think no tow was necessary (? can’t remember exactly)
• I was disoriented and “off balance” for days after that
• Police report faulted me, but it was not my fault, and I couldn’t collect my thoughts to file a complaint or amend the report
• disoriented and intimidated
• One of my bosses offered to go with me to the police, but I couldn’t collect myself enough to do it
• I was unable to follow instructions and couldn’t understand what my bosses were saying to me
• it just sounded like gobbldy-gook – I couldn’t make out the words, and I thought it was something wrong with me, or their accent
• I had been able to understand them before — I recall standing in the office, just looking at my boss, trying to figure out what he was saying to me, wondering why it didn’t make any sense to me
• I just told myself it was his accent, but I knew something else was going on, I just didn’t understand what

After that I left that job a day or two later

• I just didn’t show up one day
• didn’t bother calling the agency
• I quit working completely and started drinking (a lot) during the day

2. Rear-ended in slow traffic, 1989(?)

• On the way to the train station, got rear-ended in suburban traffic
• No damage to the car, didn’t file a report or call the police
• Just took off — in a hurry to get to the train station
• Had difficulty getting there, got confused and turned around and had to keep looking for the train station, but I pushed through and got there
• Neck was sore for days after that — very strong feeling of whiplash
• Never saw a doctor about it… everything was a whirlwind around me

After that I cannot remember any immediate, obvious changes, but work was a challenge for me, and I wasn’t dealing well with it.

3. Rear-ended in heavy holiday traffic at Thanksgiving time (1995)

• Hit from behind
• No police called, traded info with other driver
• Understanding and filling out the rental agency report form was very difficult for me, and it took me a while, but I got it done
• I missed some of the “dings” on the car – completely missed it, even after looking the car over with a fine-tooth comb

After that I cannot remember any immediate, obvious changes after that, but it became increasingly difficult for me to deal with my stressful job, to draw boundaries, to keep on top of my duties. I dropped a lot of the projects I’d started, had issues with communicating with attorneys, and could no longer advocate for myself with my boss(es). My main boss reprimanded me for not being as articulate as usual. He clearly noticed a difference, but nobody connected it with the accident.

Various Falls
Fell off horse – early/mid 1980’s?

• We were camping and went horseback riding
• I was on an unruly horse that I couldn’t control. I had trouble keeping my balance.
• The horse threw me off – and went back to the camp without me
• I’m not sure if I hit my head

Fall Down Stairs @ age 39 – Day (or 2) after Thanksgiving, 2004

• I fell down the stairs at my parents’ house and smashed the back of my head on 3-4 of the top stairs. No open wound.
• I was standing at the top of the stairs at my parents’ house (very steep staircase, about 20 stairs or so), packing bags and carrying them to the car to head home
• I was going to walk down the stairs, and someone called to me from the bedroom
• I stopped to listen to what they were saying, and I lost my balance at the top of the stairs – I was in stocking feet, and my feet just went out from under me.
• I landed on my back and hit the back of my head
• I hit my head hard on the top 3-4 stairs, as I went down
• My head just bounced off the top stairs
• I lifted my head up and tried to stop myself by putting my hands and feet along the walls — couldn’t stop my slide
• I ended up sliding down the whole flight and stopped at the bottom
• When I got to the bottom, I was dazed and drew a blank
• I was “out” briefly — maybe a few seconds
• I didn’t immediately know where I was or what had happened to me
• Didn’t know why I was at the bottom of the stairs
• I wasn’t sure if I could move
• Someone called to me, and I heard them from a distance
• I answered, and I got up and went into the dining room before anyone could come to check on me — I just didn’t want to worry them
• I got up and went into the dining room to check myself out
• My back was hurt, and I was dazed
• I didn’t really think anything of hitting my head
• I was more worried about my back being torn up – it really hurt
• Someone came downstairs to check me out, and asked if I’d hit my head
• I said “No” – I’m not sure if I even realized it at that time, I was really dazed — but I do remember that I didn’t want to worry them, and I didn’t want to have to concern myself with that, because I didn’t trust the nearby hospitals. I was also concerned that the hospital would take actions that I couldn’t defend myself against, because I couldn’t communicate effectively.
• My back had a big brush burn on it, and we focused on getting that taken care of

After that I started having more trouble at work, relationships fraying and straining, not being able to keep up with my work, constantly feeling like I was falling behind, saying inappropriate things (insubordinate statements) in meetings, and becoming openly hostile and verbally aggressive towards others I worked with. I went from being one of the top go-to people in my line of work, to persona non grata and being told I had to leave the group by July of 2005 (8 months after the fall). I converted from a full-time employee to a contract technical writer at about 60% of my former pay.