Discretion is the better part of valour

(British & Australian, literary, American & Australian, literary)… means that it is better to be careful and think before you act than it is to be brave and take risks.

I have to re-learn this periodically… sometimes the hard way, by screwing up and remembering that sometimes inhibitions are good!

it’s particularly important for TBI survivors (or anyone dealing with a stigmatized, misunderstood, chronic condition).

As much as we may want to reach out and help others, when it comes to revealing details about ourselves and our lives, tbi survivors need to be especially careful. The rest of the world doesn’t necessarily understand what it’s like to be head-injured and still be functional. There’s a lot of prejudice out there. And if people have information about you having had a tbi, it can work against you.

I recently heard a story about a tbi survivor who posted a comment online identifying themself with first and last name. Unfortunately, they were job-hunting at the time that they posted about having had a tbi, and people they were interviewing with Googled them and found out about them… and their job search got that much harder.

That’s truly unfortunate. I’m sure it happens all too frequently. I know someone whose successful father went through his entire adult life needing to hide his epilepsy because of all the stigma and the negative effect it would have had on his ability to provide for his family.

Sadly, this is still the case with so many conditions. The ADA is supposed to protect people like us from discrimination, but there are so many ways for employers and lenders and other folks in power to get around the laws, that even if we are discriminated against, the burden is on us to prove it. And if you’ve got a cognitive deficit and you can’t afford a decent lawyer, well, then you can be pretty much out of luck.

Some Poor Person’s Strategies for Preserving Autonomy and Human Dignity are…

  • Silence. Period.
  • Strictly closed lips about your condition unless you’re in the company of close confidantes who can be trusted.
  • Obsessively guarded health information that is Never Ever shared with others who may use that information against you. That includes co-workers or colleagues who may be competing with you professionally, at some point on down the line.
  • Making sure you surround yourself with family and loved ones and friends and supporters who can defend you, no matter what.

It’s unfortunate that we live in a world where something as random as a head injury can have such a dramatic impact on your life and livelihood, but it happens. All the time.

With this in mind, I’ve disabled the setting on this blog that requires a name and email address for each comment. I hope this may help others like me avoid the situation that hapless job-hunter had to deal with.


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Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

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