I’m in a quandary. The job I’m in, while a step up for me, is not going… it’s just not. Leadership at work is being swapped out, and there’s a full-on political war brewing. The body count is starting to rise.
I don’t think I’m up to the skirmishes, frankly. I’ve been on the receiving end of some pretty vindictive crap, lately, driven at least in part by the fact that I’m actually getting things done, while others are simulating effectiveness. And they seem to think I’m making them look bad.
But in other ways, I’m not quite living up to my promise. I have been having some trouble finishing things I start, and the disparity between what I say I’m going to do, and what really gets done, is a little stark at times. It’s tough, because there is only me working on my projects. I have no team, I have no teammates, I have no support. And the project I’m in charge of is incredibly unpopular in certain camps.
One of the big problems I’m having, is that I just don’t have my heart in this work, anymore. The company morale is very low, people are unhappy and in-fighting, and there doesn’t seem to be a light at the end of this tunnel. The work I used to love to do, has become a chore, and it’s a shame. Because I love the work. I do it on my own time, in my own way, because I love it. I do it a lot, and I don’t get paid for everything I do for this company. Hours upon hours of work… for the sake of the work.
I’m really feeling boxed in. I want to love what I do… again. I want to love it because I love it, not because someone else tells me to do it. In a way, I wish I didn’t have the stuff I love be part of what I do for a living. Making it part of my job — a job I do for a company that tends to mistreat me and everyone else working there — sours the experience, and I’m left feeling resentful and angry… when I’m doing the work I love to do most.
Sigh… I guess I need to look for a new job. I actually did some searching today and found a couple of possibilities. Polished my resume and sent it off to a couple of really good co’s in the vicinity. We’ll see what happens. All I know is, something’s gotta give, and it’s time for me to move on. I’ve taken this ride as far as it can go, and it’s time to look into other options.
I’m sure it sounds strange, that I’m talking about going out and finding another job in this economy, but if you know where to look and you have the right skills (which can be learned for free, by the way), you needn’t lack for work.
What do I want to do?