I must be in here somewhere…

Kind of a rough week. Started out strong after a good weekend, then my allergies caught up with me and my ears, and I’ve literally be doing a balancing act for the past three days.

Hard to stay upright. Hard to stay up-beat, when I’m constantly nauseous and I’m always feeling like I’m about to fall over.


But still I prevail… The weather is just getting too danged nice, to spend a lot of time hassling over a thing like mind-boggling vertigo. I lived with this for years, in the past, before I cleaned up my food situation. It’s just a good reminder that I need to take better care of myself, get more rest, and pay even more attention to what I eat.

Cutting out the cabs helps. But of course I’ve been eating more bread… My resolve to reform often coincides with bad behavior. The two seem to go hand-in-hand — simultaneously, in fact. I’m sure a psychoanalyst would have a field day with this tendency of mine.

Anyway, one of the really strange things about this intense vertigo I get, is that I feel like I’m losing touch with myself. Literally. The world spins and gets wavy and wobbly, and I feel like I’m leaving my body. Physically, I feel like my head is un-attached to my body, and I have a hell of a time keeping my attention focused on one thing. It takes a monumental effort to keep up with what’s going on around me, and driving is, well… interesting.

Fortunately, when I’m in a diminished state when driving, I slow down and I’m extremely careful. But it feels very strange and I don’t feel like I’m quite here.

But I must be here. Because ironically, when I feel like I’m out of it and off in la-la land, other people seem to think I’m even more present. It’s very odd. Maybe it’s the extra effort I have to put into staying present and upright that does it. But whatever the reason, nobody else seems to notice that I’m wobbly and about to fall over.

Or maybe they do notice, and I can’t tell, ’cause I’m so busy keeping myself vertical?

Anyway, it’s been very strange. I’m drinking my nasty cold-season tea, in hopes of fighting off the allergic infection and chilling out my ears.

Please, oh please, let this pass. I have an important meeting  in the morning.

Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

4 thoughts on “I must be in here somewhere…”

  1. BB,

    Sorry about the allergies. I get them pretty bad, but usually in the fall. Antihistamines don’t work? They make me psychotic so I can’t take them, but I found a localized substitute a few years ago that saved me. Hope they clear soon.



  2. Brilliant – I empathize with you feeling like you’re about to fall over. I’m not that steady on my feet anymore, either.

    I found a video online yesterday that I think may help you. (At least it helped me in controlling the amount of junk I put into my body.)

    It’s a rather long video, but if you watch it to the end, I think you will be more mindful of what you consume daily. What I learned was that the liver does more than filter the impurities out of the blood; it also burns fat–thereby reducing cholesterol. If I drink 2 Diet Cokes a day, and put artificial sweetener into my cereal and salad dressing (I make my own), my liver has to filter out all those chemicals in addition to the other junk I ingest. It doesn’t have the time or the energy to burn the fat! DUH! I can’t believe I had to have someone tell me that!

    Anyway, you might consider eating less-processed foods, and MAYBE that’ll help with your vertigo.

    Keep your chin up,

    P.S. Oh, I almost forgot to post the url of the video! http://short.to/14llm


  3. Thanks for the link – I watched (I think) most of the video, and it reinforces what I’ve seen work with a diabetic family member. Carbs that convert quickly to sugar in your body can really do a number on you — the breads, the muffins and ESPECIALLY the bagels are BAD NEWS!!! I can’t believe how many bagels I used to eat — one a day, each day on my way to work. And I was 25 lbs heavier then than I am now. Also, eating plenty of fruits and vegetables and steering clear of the processed “butter foods” — margarine and substitute butters, especially(!) — is important. And the liver connection is critical, too. I’ve heard it said that part of the reason women suffer so greatly from PMS and cramps, is that their livers are too busy dealing with a lot of junk food, to handle the hormonal fluctuations that come along with their periods, so they cramp up. I actually know someone who quit eating junk food around “that time of the month” and started drinking more water to help her liver — and she told me it worked like nothing else had — ever.

    The liver is so important. And the insulin piece — that it causes the body to store (bad) fat — that’s pretty important.

    From where I’m sitting, changing how I eat and what I eat has made all the difference. It’s not just the storage of fat that insulin/blood sugar fluctuations cause — it’s also the wild mood swings. And when you’re dealing with elevated emotional volatility, thanks to a traumatic brain injury, those sugar highs and lows just complicate things all the more.

    Now you’ve me inspired. Time to post about this…


  4. Thanks – better now. I haven’t been sleeping well, so last night I checked out early and spent half an hour stretching and breathing before I went to bed at 9:30. I also used some decongestant/vapor rub on my neck around my eustacian tubes, which has helped me in the past. I’ve got a lot of congestion in my sinuses and e-tubes — not pretty. But I took a hot shower, relaxed and breathed and stretched and also indulged in some Advil… and breathed some more… This morning I’m feeling like a new person. Still a little “off” but able to deal with it. I also took the time to exercise a little — the last couple of days, I’ve been under the gun at work, so I haven’t had as much time as I wanted, to work out/warm up in the a.m. I think that hasn’t helped, either.

    Ah, well, it’s all a journey and an exploration. Onward…


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