Kind of a rough week. Started out strong after a good weekend, then my allergies caught up with me and my ears, and I’ve literally be doing a balancing act for the past three days.
Hard to stay upright. Hard to stay up-beat, when I’m constantly nauseous and I’m always feeling like I’m about to fall over.
But still I prevail… The weather is just getting too danged nice, to spend a lot of time hassling over a thing like mind-boggling vertigo. I lived with this for years, in the past, before I cleaned up my food situation. It’s just a good reminder that I need to take better care of myself, get more rest, and pay even more attention to what I eat.
Cutting out the cabs helps. But of course I’ve been eating more bread… My resolve to reform often coincides with bad behavior. The two seem to go hand-in-hand — simultaneously, in fact. I’m sure a psychoanalyst would have a field day with this tendency of mine.
Anyway, one of the really strange things about this intense vertigo I get, is that I feel like I’m losing touch with myself. Literally. The world spins and gets wavy and wobbly, and I feel like I’m leaving my body. Physically, I feel like my head is un-attached to my body, and I have a hell of a time keeping my attention focused on one thing. It takes a monumental effort to keep up with what’s going on around me, and driving is, well… interesting.
Fortunately, when I’m in a diminished state when driving, I slow down and I’m extremely careful. But it feels very strange and I don’t feel like I’m quite here.
But I must be here. Because ironically, when I feel like I’m out of it and off in la-la land, other people seem to think I’m even more present. It’s very odd. Maybe it’s the extra effort I have to put into staying present and upright that does it. But whatever the reason, nobody else seems to notice that I’m wobbly and about to fall over.
Or maybe they do notice, and I can’t tell, ’cause I’m so busy keeping myself vertical?
Anyway, it’s been very strange. I’m drinking my nasty cold-season tea, in hopes of fighting off the allergic infection and chilling out my ears.
Please, oh please, let this pass. I have an important meeting in the morning.