Soaking it all in


I’ve decided that it makes no sense for me to take the ruminating rumblings in my brain very seriously, these days. Fact of the matter is, I’m tired and I have a lot of old crap rattlin’ ’round in there that is just taking up space. And that crap distracts me from the truth of my life — that I am in a living, breathing relationship that has stood the test of time and looks likely to do so in the future… that I am doing really well at work and advancement looks like it’s in the not-too-distant future for me… that I am more physically fit than I’ve been in years, and I continue to improve.

There is no point in me focusing on the rough patches. Everyone has them. They exist. I’m not saying they don’t matter and don’t require work. But they’re not all there is to the story.

Life is a big place, and it’s often all too short. Why spend my time fomenting discontent over whatever comes to mind?

It makes no sense.

So, rather than stay stuck in the gray nether regions of my more twisted parts, I’ve been making an effort to look around at the world around me, engage with it, and soak up as much extra input as I can get. That means I turn off the radio when I’m driving home and roll down the window and put my elbow out to catch the breeze. That means I run my hands along the walls of the rooms in my house to feel the textures of the different surfaces. That means I look — really look — around me and take things in — the colors, the shapes, the sounds. All of it.

In a way, it’s eclipsing the dread grayness that’s been creeping over me for no apparent reason. Maybe it’s the change of seasons. Maybe it’s that it’s getting colder. Maybe it’s that we just don’t have enough money to make ends meet. Or more than that — things I barely recall.

In any case, as valid as those feelings and concerns may be, they’re not all there is to me, and I cheat myself of a full experience of life if I let them get the upper hand. Life has a way of working itself through, if you give it its due. And that’s what I’m doing.

Call me a sponge. For the good stuff.

Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

One thought on “Soaking it all in”

  1. This is a great post. I saw a piece on Conan once that stuck with me. Here it is: It’s titled, “Everything’s Great and No one’s Happy!” I think it applies here! Enjoy!


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