I’ve been taking it easy, the past few days, trying to settle my nerves after that last fall. It was more like a slip-and-collapse than a fall, really. I think I did the right thing by just letting myself go down, instead of trying to break my fall. Still, I did hit my head, and I’ve been a little “off” ever since.
I really think it’s just nerves. Anxiety fiddling with my head. I’ve been a little uncoordinated, a bit edgy, and I haven’t felt quite like myself. But I’ve been working like a crazy person, lately, putting in super long hours, and that’s got to have an effect on me.
It couldn’t ALL be the fall.
Anyway, it’s been a challenge, figuring out whether the problems I’ve been having have been because I really got hurt, or I just got scared. The aches and pains and bruises on my arm are clearing up, but I still have this painful knot on the side of my head that bothers me when I touch it. I try not to touch it, but I also like to check in and see how it’s doing. I expected it to go down sooner, but it’s still bothering me, still feels tender.
I see my neuropsych tomorrow. They may be able to tell me something about that. Or not. They’re not a doctor, after all.
This is the big problem (for me, anyway) with head injuries — how do I tell which of my problems are neurological, and which are psychological, and which are physiological? I’ve definitely been “off” since the fall, and I think it may have plenty to do with anxiety, nerves, being worried about getting hurt. And also feeling stupid about falling in the first place.
Then there’s the physical problems — being off balance because I wrenched my shoulder and neck, and my muscles are not balance the way they usually are.
Then there’s the psychological stuff, the anxiety and nerves. The sick sinking feeling of helplessness as that slow-motion action happens and I can’t stop myself — or things happen so fast, I don’t have time to stop myself. Sense of helplessness. Loss of control.
Well, I’m tired. I need to go to bed. I try not to think about it too much, but what if I’m actually hurt?