Okay, fine – I’m up

This is going to be another one of those nights/days, I have a feeling. I woke up at 3:00 a.m. again, thinking — among other things — about work, and everything I need to get done. I just need to clear a bunch of things off my plate, and at the same time, there are all-day trainings that have been going on all day. So, I work late, and since there are so many moving pieces and there are so many different people involved, I end up basically sending out emails to people and then chasing them down, trying to get an answer.

I’m hopeful that I can get a bunch of things just finished in the next week or so. There is a LOT going on, and I need to clear away the old stuff to make room for the new. There’s a lot of new stuff coming down the pike, and I can’t start on them, till I get the old stuff finished.

At least I’m not the only one in this situation. The rest of my team are all waking up at 3:30 a.m., too. Just the other morning, we all gathered unexpectedly and reported how little sleep we’ve been getting.

Maybe it’s not just me… we were thinking maybe it was the full moon. Or maybe it’s the impending move. I think a lot of people may be leaving, come the end of the year. Tacking an extra half hour onto people’s commutes, doesn’t do much for loyalty. Plus, a lot of us picked this company because it was closer to our homes than many other jobs. I’m really not sure what I’m going to do, when it comes time to start doing this. Work remotely sometimes, I suppose. But you really need to be THERE to make good progress, so maybe I’ll find some good audiobooks and just entertain myself during the drive.

One good thing is that the training I’ve been in yesterday and today is really good for my resume. It’s in a skill I need to have, to stay competitive, and it really helps me get good perspective on my job and everything about it. It puts things in a larger context, which has been a huge challenge, considering all the “trees” I’m dealing with. Lots and lots of details, lots and lots of little hooks to get caught on. Working through the different steps of my work is like walking through a bramble patch — and it’s that way for all of us — we’re constantly getting snagged on some jagged point or thorn. The technical systems and the processes (or lack thereof) that are in place are very ad-hoc, catch-as-catch-can. There’s not much about the place that’s systematic – they like to run the place like a small business, which it is not – and it takes a huge toll on productivity and effectiveness.

Sure, we all get to be individuals with our own particular point of view, but geez, do ya think ya could do the same thing the same way twice? It’s a little maddening.

BUT, with some basic changes to how I do things, and with some extra project management help, I’m sure this can turn around.

I hope…

This job situation is pretty wild. And I’m starting to get that it’s not all me, that’s got the issues. I get a slightly different message each and every day — one day, I’m encouraged to take time off… no, TOLD to take time off… then less than a week later, my boss gives me crap because I worked from home for a few days. They tell me, “Take your time — don’t make yourself crazy over things,” then they ask me “Why isn’t it done yet?” My immediate boss is an operator who likes to play “puppet-master” with projects and schedules, and who feels the need to “manage situations” to their specifications. Forget about actually doing the work. They’d much rather be spinning things and taking credit for everyone else’s work. Oh, my.

If they keep this up, they’re going to lose everyone. Hey – maybe they’ll get promoted. That would be fitting. Let someone else at a different level take care of them.

Anyway, back to the joy… It’s been a while, since I felt real joy at doing the work I do. There are moments when I really do love what I do, but there is so much to do, and so little time to actually enjoy it, to really get into the work. It’s wild – it’s like we’re just being driven to do more than anyone can humanly accomplish, largely for the purpose of our bosses proving that they can do just that.

Well, I can’t worry about it. I’m going to just focus on getting done what I can get done, and move on to the next thing. I need to tally up my accomplishments and clean up my resume, just so I’m not caught out, if things get really bad with the commute and the workload, and I need to find another situation.

And I need to sleep. I’ve heard it said that being fully relaxed for 15 minutes is the equivalent of 30 minutes of sleep, so I’m going to try to relax for a little bit… and simulate sleep.

Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

Talk about this - No email is required

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: