All about the basics

I’ve been having a bit of a difficult time, lately. I’m feeling out of sorts and off-kilter. Work is strange, with lots of change going on, and I really wish I were more effective. But every time I think I’m getting closer to getting on top of things, something else happens, and I feel like I’m back at square one.

No sooner do I get one really complex project done, than another one comes up. And then there are the constant distractions.

It’s really frustrating, and I’ve been looking around for other work. I had a series of conversations with a recruiter for a very successful company, a few weeks back. They wanted to bring me in for interviews. But there were a lot of changes happening at the company, and it just didn’t seem like it was a very stable place to go to. They also got downgraded by analysts because their instability is affecting their bottom line. So that’s not a place I want to go to.

I’m feeling scattered. A little confused. Not having a lot of direction. I feel like I need to make a move, but I’m not sure where or in what direction. That is to say, I decide I want to go in a certain direction, then I change my mind for some weird reason. It’s no good doing this. I’ve got to pick a direction and go for it. Find a line of work that has certain specific criteria — the right pay range, the right area of interest for me, and an area where I can move and develop in the future.

I also need to let go of the old past ways and move on to the next chapter of my professional life. I look back at the things I’ve done in the past, and while they were good to me then, the world has changed, and the opportunities just aren’t there as much anymore.

So, I need to adjust. And I need to commit.

Part of the issue is that I’ve been feeling pretty energized about some things, and when I feel energized, I tend to fly off in all different directions, following each little impulse that comes along. It may be entertaining, but it gets me nowhere.

When things are going well and I’m rested and feeling the strongest, is when I run the greatest risk of getting off track and ending up on the rocks. Like a cruise ship captain who decides to improvise in shallow waters.

We know how that turns out.

Time to get myself off the rocks. Time to get on with my day.

Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

6 thoughts on “All about the basics”

  1. I can really feel the distraction and fatigue in your post. You know the those moments that you feel energized, but you feel you are getting off track? Not sure if you are really getting off track. Devote some time to really explore those thoughts and the ideas that you have. They may be the key to moving forward, not what is holding you back. In my practice I have found that during the course of a career – right before a breakthrough – it can be very uncomfortable. Please take care.


  2. I think change is maybe harder when you have a TBI. You’re comfortable with what you know, even if you don’t like it. It’s that routine thing. Changing jobs, new routine. New rules, new people, new responsibilities. I think your hestiancy is understandable. Try writing about it. Write about what you want in a job. What you like and dislike about your current job. What you’re afraid of. It might help make things clearer.


  3. Thanks for the feedback Marla. I am trying to pay closer attention to what is going on with me, not letting bogus “issues” create problems. So much of my state of mind, and what I do about it, is tied up with fatigue and thinking that my feeling like such-and-such means such-and-such is true. But it’s really a state of body — that leads to a state of mind. And a good night’s sleep or a long period of sitting and breathing and taking the edge off my fight-flight goes a long way to restoring sanity. Sometimes, the best thing to do is nothing at all. Just sit. And watch. And wait.

    I do think that some pretty good things are coming down the pike; not seeing them clearly adds to my discomfort, so I need to be mindful that I don’t go off and do something rash, just because I’m unclear and uncomfortable.

    Rest helps.

    Thanks again


  4. Thanks Lydia, that’s good advice. It’s true – change is harder for me now than it was before. But then, change has never been easy for me. I think that my history of TBI when I was a kid made me a lot more rigid than other kids — but it also forced me to learn to handle my rigidity more creatively. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in extreme emotional and mental pain over simple changes. It’s just never easy for me. But I also can’t deal with being in constant pain, so I’ve been forced to learn coping mechanisms, like it or not.

    Life goes on… and so do I.


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