I kind of hate my life. But I really like soup.

My one comfort this evening

Okay, so I think my boss (well, my boss’es boss) really doesn’t like me. They’re definitely uncomfortable around me — they really go out of their way to be “up” and “with it” and “alpha” when I’m around, in an artificial, testing kind of way. Like they are on guard against me or something.

They seem to be pretty competitive towards me, which is strange. Okay, so I’ve been in the business a little longer than they have, and I’ve got a ton of heavy-lifting experience in this line of work, and I’m pretty popular with the people i work with. But I’m not doing it to spite them or piss them off. I’m doing what I do, because it’s what I do.

And my boss’es boss seems kind of irritated by it.

Which makes no sense, because they’re really popular, too. And they’re a whole lot more powerful.

I really don’t think I’m being paranoid. If anything, I’ve been going along — tra-la-la-la-la — giving them the benefit of the doubt and believing the best about them. But then they get all snarky and innuendo-y and whatnot, and they seem to get a kick out of playing all sorts of head games.

Please. I’ve been hit in the head too often to get into that. Of course, I can’t say so out loud, but it’s true. Sad, but true.

Then again, maybe it’s NOT sad. Maybe it’s a good thing that I don’t have a lot of bandwidth for playing little head games. Instead, I get to focus on what is important to me, rather than fooling with a lot of jockeying for position and constantly testing the people around me to see if they’re bigger or stronger or smarter than me.

Anyway, I’m feeling quite down about my life, lately. Like I’m trapped. Going nowhere. Stuck. I’ve talked to headhunters and I’ve gone on job interviews, but nothing has come of it. I’m sure something better will come along before too long, but right now I’m just overworked and overtired and fighting off a terrible cold/sinus infection. And my body aches from all the coughing. Feels like I cracked a friggin’ rib.

But I have soup. Hot chicken and rice soup. At least, it was hot 20 minutes ago. Now it’s mostly eaten, and getting cold.

But I still like it.

Oh, screw it. I’m going to bed. Everything gets better with sleep.


Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

2 thoughts on “I kind of hate my life. But I really like soup.”

  1. Hope you are feeling better. Chicken soup sounds great! It’s those crazy head-games that are so frustrating and for the ignorant. You have enough other things to deal with then those silly games your colleagues are playing at the moment. Take care and stay safe.


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