Tired and rushed and paying the price

Well, it happened again. Or rather, I set myself up again. I was supposed to have the afternoon off work yesterday and take some time to just enjoy myself. But I had been putting in long hours all week, under very stressful conditions, and by the time noon on Friday came around, I was fried. I had also not planned properly, and my timing was off, the plans didn’t turn out like I had hoped, and the net result was that instead of spending a relaxing afternoon, I spent the afternoon rushing around (in vain) and then I spent the evening stuck in a meltdown cycle that really tore the sh*t out of a lot of work I’ve done to patch things up with my spouse.

No wonder they don’t like spending time with me alone.

It was pretty bad, and it all carried through into this morning, when there was more fireworks (not the good kind) and more meltdowns.

Not good.

Now I’m on my own for the afternoon, so I’m going to bed – to sleep. I’m on my own all evening, and I’m going to take it easy. Relax. Throw a steak on the grill and cook up some kabobs. I just need a break, some time away, without needing to DO anything, without needing to rush. I’m fried. I need to sleep. I haven’t been sleeping, and it shows. For all those times when I’ve felt like I was doing great and was living large over the past week or so, I hit a wall and I’m the one with the cracks.

Oh screw it. Shower. Then bed. Enough.

Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

3 thoughts on “Tired and rushed and paying the price”

  1. I plan to discuss this with my neuropsychologist on Monday. I’ve been talking about some of these kinds of difficulties I’ve been having, and I don’t think they ever realized the extent to which this messes up my life. We have been mostly focused on working my functioning at work, but now it’s time to really take a look at what happens at home. Because this is no way to live. Gotta do something. Getting enough sleep is a start.

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