Almost there…

I probably shouldn’t be writing this. I should be taking a shower to get the day off me, and I should be going to bed. But I am so wired from today, I need to just write something to unwind.

We had more meetings today – it was a loooong day, and I really lost focus towards the end. Then we all went to dinner together and I just got home a little while ago. I’m wiped out. … Spacey and shaky… but feeling really good about the day. I had a good time with everyone, and we had some good conversations.

I can’t wait to get back to my normal everyday life, but at the same time, it has been really nice to take a break from the grind and do more strategy-like work, networking and connecting with people. True, I’m planning to leave the company in another couple of months, but in the meantime, I figure it can’t hurt to just network a little bit with people from HQ, to get some fresh ideas from colleagues, and get some ideas about what I want to be doing with myself at the end of this year.

It’s funny. In the past, when I’ve left jobs, I’ve had to work up all sorts of indignation and irritation in order to let go of those situations. But now I just feel a very level-headed sort of acceptance, that this is not workable for me, long-term, and I need to get on with my life. I just cannot see doing this long and expensive commute to a building I can’t stand, in a work environment that feeds my already challenging distractability. It just doesn’t make sense, when I have skills that can make me more money, doing work that suits me better.

So, there it is. No hard feelings at all, just plain old logic and clarity. And that’s good.

Because now I can enjoy myself for the next couple of months. I don’t have to get all tweaked when my boss makes an ass out of me and my work in front of other people. I don’t need to get all up in arms when they start preaching about the shortcomings that they have helped to create. I don’t need to even notice the politics and the snarkiness and the hidden agendas. Everybody can just do their thing, and I’ll do mine.

The main thing for me is to rebuild my resume and get it in good shape that will land me the type of job I want to find. Close to home. For more money than I’m making now. With people who actually want to work. And with a better fit, responsibility-wise. I really need to be challenged, and right now the biggest challenge I have is dealing with a boss who seems determined to undermine and micromanage and downplay me. Pppppfff! as Snoopy would say.

Okay, now that that’s out of my head, I can get down to the business of getting to sleep. Gotta get up and do this one more day.

Then I’m done with this meetings business and I can move along… move along… move along…

Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

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