Just a quick note before I start my day… thinking back over the past five years or so, I’m surprised at how much I struggled through. I’m not surprised that I struggled — I was pretty ragged there, for a while. But I’m surprised that I made it through. And I’m surprised that I managed to tolerate as much difficulty and downright depressing experiences that I did.
See, the thing is, in a lot of cases, I was pretty much faking my way through – taking on things that were bigger and more challenging than I “should” have taken on. Part of me thought I could do it (though I was clearly not up to the cognitive/behavioral challenges at the time), and part of me thought that if I couldn’t do it exactly, I could learn. And I ended up taking on a lot of things that I never should have done. Bad decisions, bad judgment, poor self-assessment, etc.
But ultimately, those things ended up being exactly what I needed to do. Some of them I screwed up royally. Some of them I started but never finished. Others I started but then quit before I could finish. But I started them. And I learned something each time. And the times when I failed terribly were the times when I learned the most.
Not that I like to fail — I hate it. But the lessons that came from those times were invaluable.
Now I sit on the verge of making another significant change in my employment. I have a lot of options open to me, and I am feeling really good about where I’m at. Right now, the biggest threat to my future, is feeling comfortable, feeling like I’m in a comfort zone, and wanting to stay that way. I need to keep growing, I need to keep trying, and I need to not sell myself short.
Just because I don’t know how to do something right now, doesn’t mean I won’t learn how to do it later. I may just learn to do it well.
On the other hand, I may never learn how to do it the way I want to, and end up like I have many times, defeated and eating crow, and looking closely at my life for what I’ve learned this time.
Either way, it’s good. But I’d rather learn to do things well — and do them well.