All I need to learn

There’s a lot of ground to travel

So, I talked to the uber-boss today, and to be honest, they were pretty decent about things. As it turns out, nothing definite has been determined for who goes where — and when. So, it could be that this change is more about opportunity inside the company – in a different division – than outside it.

Only time will tell. Best case scenario: I get a kind of promotion and get to run things. Next-best-case scenario: I get laid off with a severance package and move on to other vistas. Or I could end up being stuck where I am with the people who treat me poorly, which would not be great, but would be what I have been expecting to do for the next four months or so.

I’m trying to stay open. I’m trying to stay flexible. I’m trying to not let my rigidity get the better of me. It is hard going.

What I’ve learned from this whole thing is — I cannot afford to let myself get complacent and content and too comfortable. I need to keep learning, keep stretching, keep aligned with my own ultimate goals, and keep moving towards them, no matter how comfortable things may be at the time. That doesn’t last. And when it changes, it is WAY too traumatic for me.

I feel like total crap, after the past two days of worry and stress. It just took it out of me. For no good reason other than that I was not prepared for the eventualities.

Now, in all fairness, nobody can be 100% prepared for any eventuality, but it doesn’t hurt to be a little prepared. And I wasn’t even a little prepared. I lost sight of what I most want to do for a living, and I let things slide because, well, it was pretty much all taken care of for me, so long as I went along and did as I was told. And in the process, I lost my edge. I lost my competitive advantage. And as a result, when things started to shift, I freaked out. Lost it. Lost my sh*t.

And that’s no good.

So, let that be a lesson to me — I don’t have a lot of time to screw around and waste hours on nothing-nothing-and-more-nothing. And I can’t afford to lose sight of the things I love most, that I want to do most. Ample opportunities have arisen for me to keep my skills sharp, but I drifted away. I fell out of touch. And that turned out to really be a problem.

There are no guarantees in life, and “security” is a hollow promise that makes you feel good about your choices, but never really comes true. Not for real. There is always something that gets in the way, that trips you up. Always.

Unless you do something about it. Unless you take steps. Unless you strengthen yourself so that even when insecurity and uncertainty sets in, you can hold your own and keep it together, and stay open to the magic of surprise opportunities. This involves regular study. This involves taking care of body and mind and soul. It involves keeping fit and being rested, because you never know what tomorrow will bring – and especially if it’s good, you want to be up for the challenge. For sure.

That being said, it’s time for me to spend a little time brushing up on some of my skills and practice what I love to do. I can’t say I’ll never be caught off-guard again, but if I am, at least I can be ready to roll, rather than fall flat on my face.

Onward.

Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

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