Sleep is good… if you can get it

If I could get some, that would be great. I’ve had to work late, the last two nights, and despite my best-laid plans, I have not been able to sleep till 7 in the morning, as planned. If I’d been able to sleep till 7, it would be a whole different story. But I’m stressed out over work, and that’s waking me up. It’s also keeping me up. So, I’ve got to get a grip on this and not let myself get too stressed over things.

Easy to say. Hard to do. It feels strange, going through the motions every day, keeping up appearances of planning to stay on, while doing everything in my power to get the hell out of that situation as soon as humanly possible… but not jump too soon, or go from the frying pan into the fire. It’s not easy for me to operate in this conflicted state of mind. I really care about the people I work with and I want to be able to commit to it 100%, but I don’t see that happening. The company is just wretched, it doesn’t show any sign that it cares about any of us, they have us working in a building which is structurally unsafe (portions of it collapsed last month), the open-plan workspace is a great way to get absolutely nothing done each day, and they just shuffle us around like cards in a deck. It seems to be the same, just about anywhere you go in the corporate world, so I’m definitely not alone. It’s par for the multi-national corporation course.

Still, it’s not easy. And it’s not what I want for my life.

I really just need to keep my eyes on the prize – keep working on my skills, keep sharpening my abilities, and not get too side-tracked by all the static that’s happening around us.

Because that’s really all it is — static.

Which is unfortunate. Because what a waste of time… And churning over it all is costing me sleep. Rest. Recovery. I’m still not completely over that damn’ flu, and my job situation is not helping.

Well, if nothing else, at least I still have my sense of humor… I think… And it’s a new day, so I’m going to get ready for work and just get on with it. And finish up the day at the office early, so I can come home. And rest.

Onward.

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Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

2 thoughts on “Sleep is good… if you can get it”

  1. sleep? what is this funny thing we call sleep? haha. sleep is not one of the few things i tend to do best. there have been nights where i had been up till about 3 in the morning staring at the wall or ceiling or pillow or anything else i could spot that i would assume will bore me to death if not sleep. guess not…accually they tend to get very interesting when you can pick out shapes. haha. you can find flowers, animals, all kinds of things, and you never fall asleep. but that could just be me.

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  2. Yeah, been there. I struggle with that just about every day. It is HARD for me to get to sleep, especially when my head is going a million miles an hour… which is usually. I try to get off the computer at least a couple of hours before I go to bed. The light from the screen is very similar to natural light, so it literally tells your brain to “Wake Up!” And that’s the last thing I need.

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