I’m supposed to start working in 20 minutes…

1-2-3 Puuull..!

The good part is, I am working from home today. Sweet silence. No distractions. I can actually focus on one thing at a time without being constantly interrupted by people who do not want to actually do their own work, but expect me to do it for them.

My spouse is a late riser, so there will be no sign of them till noontime, which leaves me almost 4 hours of quiet productivity.

I’m actively rethinking my job search approach for the future. I have been thinking that I need to find a job with an established company that gives me a place to go each day. But in fact, what I really need is a remote job, where I can work for a set amount of hours, and then lie down and take a nap when I need to. Or I can travel and work remotely from wherever I am. The whole commuting to work – working 9 hours – commuting home thing, to and from a place where I’m chained to the galley bench with all the other worker bees just isn’t working for me. I am exhausted. Depleted. And I miss those hours I spend in the car each day.

So, either I find a job that’s remote, so I can come and go as I please and get things done on my own time in my own way, or I find something that is close to home, so I don’t have to waste all that time each day. I think the former makes much more sense to me — especially because of the fatigue thing, not being able to rest when I need to, and gradually becoming more and more exhausted.

My neuropsych tells me I should not be taking naps during the day. But if I don’t, I am so depleted that I can’t get to sleep in a good way. I get so tired, I am too tired to get to sleep.

So, it’s time to start looking around online for remote work. There are plenty of telecommute jobs out there. I just need to find them.


Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

8 thoughts on “I’m supposed to start working in 20 minutes…”

  1. BB, Have you ever tried a small amount of Provigil or even coffee. All I could do was sleep for many years but then I found coffee. Helped some. And Provigil wakes me up too. The key for me is to use a very small amount. You seem very sensible and this may be a road that is best left unexplored. Lamictal and Provigil at very small doses gave me new life for a good while. Still today I do not have the constant fatigue I once had and use the former daily and the latter on days I must, but in time, for me at least, fatigue improves with time. My last noteworthy TBI was about 8 years ago too.. My idea is if you feel exhausted and have been true to attempts at regular exercise, “correct” diet and regular “sleep hygene”. The naps sounds like natures call.


  2. I agree! My spouse is the one with the TBI but the hamster wheel of life is taking it’s toll on me too.

    I’ve been researching online jobs and business. Some people are making huge incomes from “location independent business.” I would guess you could do consulting etc. and replace your income pretty quickly.

    I continue to slave away in my gray cubicle, but I am on my way out :~) Best wishes. Donniel


  3. My cognitive therapist has given me a meditation called “Body Scan” which takes about 25 minutes to do. I’m having a terrible time with fatigue but I think it is really cognitive overload where I need to find a way to “rest my brain.” Doing this meditation helps me. In fact, I juat was in an mini Ipad class for an hour and I can tell I needed to rest my brain. When I returned to my car, I put my ear plugs in and sat quietly for 5 minutes. I watched a web presentation which talked about devices to help TBI survivors function and and IPad mini was top on the list. I can put it in my purse and pull it out when I need to remember things. Now I have to learn how to use it! Good luck to you.


  4. I do use coffee – I’m having some now. It wakes me up and helps me keep it together, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I can’t go for the drugs because I am way too sensitive. Even small doses are a problem for me, and even worse is my inability to really self-assess about how I’m doing. I literally cannot put into words how I’m feeling — there’s too much and I have trouble organizing — so that’s a risk factor. I am the sole breadwinner for my household, so if I’m screwed up, we all suffer. Not a good situation.

    Naps are indeed nature’s call. I’ve started taking steps to make sure I can nap when I’m at work. They took away the seats that we used to arrange into a kind of pallet, so there is nowhere inside where we can lie down, so I have to go out to my car and drive to the far end of the parking lot. I think that’s better, anyway. It’s my own space and it gets me out of the building.

    Inconvenient, but not too terrible. At least I have options.


  5. I started doing body scans a couple of years ago as part of a “stress hardiness” training I was doing. It really helped — and when I can manage to calm myself down to do it, I usually fall asleep in no time — and I feel better in the morning. The problem I’m having, these days, is that I’m so tired I cannot focus on much of anything for very long, and I can’t calm my head down enough to scan myself.

    I’m going to get some decent rest this weekend – hoping that will help. And I’m going to do some body scans. Because they really do help. Thanks for the reminder. I had pretty much forgotten about them.

    It’s interesting you mention the iPad mini. I have been toying with the idea of getting something like that. I need something really inexpensive. Just don’t have the money for one, but I might be able to work something out…


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