Do I stay or do I go?

Just what I’ve been waiting for…

The post office is open for another 45 minutes. I have a package I have been waiting for, for about a week, which has finally arrived. Great!

Now, do I pick myself up and go get it, using about 20 minutes of time I can be blogging and reading and catching up with myself? Or do I stay here, finish what I’m doing, and just go get it in the morning?

The pros of staying here are that I can keep doing what I’m doing without interruption, while I’m still fresh from my 2-hour afternoon nap (which I desperately needed)… I can finish my thoughts… I can do some writing… and I can plan my next three days, which are mine-all-mine!

The cons of staying here are that I won’t have my package right now, accompanied by the big energy boost of having it in hand… I’ll have to remember to go pick it up in the morning, and I might actually run late… and it will be one more thing that I have to do, versus just doing whatever I like in the morning.

I’m staying put.

First of all, I covet the time I have by myself at home — my spouse is out running errands, and the house is quiet and I can hear myself think. I also have uninterrupted time, so very rare and precious to me, compared to how things are at work, which are marked by constant interruption to the point of never being able to complete anything — tasks, projects, thoughts — in a steady, measured manner. If I leave now, I am giving up my quiet, uninterrupted time for a drive to the post office, which is not far, but is through rush hour traffic.

Second of all, I have my list for the weekend, and I’m being really good about following what I’m writing down. I don’t need to fear not getting the package, because I’m going to — at a more steady pace, not rushed and frantic. I can work it into my list of things I’m going to be doing tomorrow — and on top of it, having that package pickup on my list is going to get me out of the house before noon (which I tend to have trouble with) because it’s something I want to do. It’s something I want very much. So, no fears about not doing that.

As long as I follow the list, I’m good.

Thirdly, I have fallen so far behind on my emails and my reading this week (as well as responding to everyone who writes), that I need this time to just center in and remember why I do what I do. I’ve had some pretty great mental shifts and revelations this week, and I really need to write about them. It’s exciting. It’s good news. It’s been tough learning these lessons over the past week or so, but I am doing good things with what I’m learning. And I really do believe it’s going to pay off, in small ways and large, in the short- and long-term.

It’s all a matter of perspective, I guess, and despite being dog tired and out of it for days and days, my perspective is good, and I have a focus and direction that I know I want to go in.

So, that’s good.

And it’s good that I’m staying put. It is so tempting to want to jump up, throw on some sandals, hop in the car and scoot down to the post office where my long-awaited package is, but I’m going to hold off. Because there are other things I need to be doing right here and right now, and I need the practice at keeping my focus and concentration.

God, but my job has done a number on my distractability. Then again, maybe it hasn’t. I’ll be writing more on that later.

Much more.

Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

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