Cleaning up and clearing out

Ah, the sound of an old computer cranking away in the background…

I have unearthed an old computers that I never threw away, and I’m cleaning out the hard drive – putting all the extra files on a portable hard drive, so I can open up some more space for doing audio and video. I’m working on a project with some friends, and the project calls for a video. We’ll see how this goes. It’s the first I’ve really worked with video, but I think I have some good ideas, so I’m optimistic.

We shall see.

Right now, the hard drive is defragmenting and is at 87%. It’s taken it about half an hour to get this far. I pulled a lot of stuff off it, and now it has to think about what to do with all that extra space.

It’s kind of a metaphor for my life. I’ve been culling a lot of non-productive activities out of my life, focusing my attention and energy on doing the things that are the most relevant for my current life. A lot less noodling around, and a lot more actual work. Cleaning out the garage. Working on the yard. Fixing things. Organizing piles of supplies and hardware into containers with actual dividers in them, instead of one big pile of stuff.

Getting to bed at a decent hour, and getting a lot done each day.

And learning as I go.

I’ve had a couple of really big realizations, lately, and it’s given me plenty to think about. But I haven’t been thinking too hard. I’m pacing myself. Taking things slow, or sometimes not taking them at all. I’ve stopped worrying about things being wrong and out of whack, in a lot of ways. They are what they are. Oh, well. Yes, I had a sick headache all day today. But I’ve also lost 5 pounds in the past month or so. And yes, I have had some weakness in my arms and hands. But my back is more limber than I can recall in recent memory. I haven’t been sleeping well, and I am pretty wiped out, pretty much all the time. But I’m feeling really positive and relaxed, overall. Whatever happens, I’m going to be okay.

It’s summertime, and it feels like time to clean out my study again. I have new projects to work on and think about, and I need to clear out a bunch of stuff that no longer serves any useful purpose in my daily life. It really is time to clean house. My study is pretty cluttered — not “Hoarders” cluttered, but still piled high with papers and books and correspondence and old bills (and some new ones) that need to be taken care of. That needs to change.

Likewise, I need to close down a bank account I opened about ten years ago, which made good interest, back in the day. It’s just been a placeholder account for me, for some years now — a way to move money from one bank account to another. But now I don’t need it anymore. Plus, the account got sold to another bank, and that new bank sucks. They hold my money and won’t let go of it. Ten days to complete a money transfer and make the funds available to me? Really?

Yeah, not so much. Good bye, bank. I like your commercials, but as a bank, you really suck.

And it feels good to do this — say “No” to people and things and situations that are no damn’ good. Half of my team got hauled off to HQ on a day’s notice, because the People In Charge can’t manage their time or their projects, and now they’re stuck away from their families, off in the middle of nowhere, doing the job(s) that others should have been doing months ago. Oh, well… So it goes. It’s easy for me to say, being here – I really feel badly for them, but what can you do?

I’ll be they’ll be glad when they are home.

Anyway, it feels really good to not be worrying about this the way I was, when I didn’t think I could get out. Now I know I can get out, and I’m going to do exactly that. I figure I have maybe 3 more months there. I start my job search in earnest in July/August, with a September timeframe in mind. I’m sure it will be stressful at times, but I’ve gotten to this “zen” kind of place that just flows with it.

Of course, I say that now… the night before I go on vacation for a few days…

My computer is still thinking. I’m now cleaning up old files and compressing to save space. By the time all is said and done, I’ll have a huge honkin’ hard drive where I can mix up all the video I like.

Life is good.

And now, it’s time for bed.



Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

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