A little nap – a lot better

So, I went out to my yard to do some work for an hour. Took the timer with me and set it for an hour. 60 minutes later, it went off, but I didn’t feel like I was done yet. Not even close. There is a lot that needs to be done, and it turned out to be a beautiful day. So, I set it for another hour… and when it beeped again, I just turned it off and decided to keep going till I was really done.

My yard has suffered terribly from neglect over the past years. The grass is patchy and in need of help. I have a lot of weeds that need to be removed by hand, because spraying isn’t an option, and mowing doesn’t get to the roots. So, I spent a lot of time bending and standing up straight, walking around, piling up weeds… and by the time I was done, I was really having trouble keeping upright. When I was focused on something in front of me, I was fine, but when I just stood up and looked around, I literally felt like I was going to fall over.

I staggered back into the house, dropped into a chair, and proceeded to mix myself a lemonade – for the hydration and also a little extra with the lemon. That was helpful. Then I took a shower — still dizzy and all get-out — and had some lunch and ran a quick errand.

Back from my errand, I lay down and took a nap while listening to my stress hardiness recording. It really did the trick. The slow, measured breathing and the relaxation and the quiet music in the background were just what I needed.

Now, two hours later, I’m back on my feet and feeling pretty good. Had some fresh fruit and goat cheese and some more water.

Yeah. Now we’re talking. I’m feeling the best I have in days, and it feels really good to have some of those errands from the past days out of the way. They had been on my mind, distracting me, so I just took care of them last night and today. I wasn’t feeling up to it, but as it turns out, the uncertainty around them was contributing to my feeling out of control and out of sorts. Now I have them taken care of, and I can get on with the rest of my day — and weekend.

I think I’ll update my resume this coming week and start contacting all the people who contacted me earlier this year, and tell them I’m ready to start talking to folks over the coming months. It may take me that long to find something that works for me, but at least I’ll have the ball rolling.

I’ve got to be careful I don’t get ahead of myself, though. I have other things I need to focus on for the other projects I have in the works. I don’t want to overwhelm myself too much.

I’m just now getting back to balance. Why push myself over the edge – yet again?

That’s the thing with me – no sooner am I recovered, than I tend to push myself back towards the edge I just came from. Patience, patience. Take the foot off the pedal, already.

All will happen in good time.

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Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

4 thoughts on “A little nap – a lot better”

  1. Reading your post was especially helpful today. We have moved to care for my father who is stubborn and…at any rate, I am used to AC which he has refused to put in this house. I finished feeding the mean, cleaning the livingroom (did I mention Dad is a hoarder) and found myself completely exhausted. Cooling off in the AC’d room that is my “office” while drinking not-too-cold water WHILE reading your words helped a lot. I also remember to take my stupid Antivert so I don’t topple over and crush the dog. Thank you…oh – the yard – how I used to pride myself in the flower beds, etc. at my other home – this place looks abandoned except for the lawn being mown. I can’t let that come into my thoughts right now.

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  2. Sounds like me and my days, I always feel worse if I push, after so many years I have learned there will be time to do more more tomorrow. I try to get the most important things out of the way first, then move on….first things first, like talking to my and my husband’s aging parents at least once a week, and making sure my children, grown, but still my children, are well and content, and making sure my medicines are ordered in time to get them, or to make sure all my appointments are scheduled and on my master calendar….other than that, changing sheets, or cooking meals, or some occasional hobbies fill my days…

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  3. Hang in there Connie – well, at least your lawn is mowed. 🙂 As for looking abandoned, just think of yourself as an “eccentric” rich person. Case in point — there’s an old house along a local road I drive down all the time. The shutters were falling off, the paint was all but peeled off, the yard wasn’t very well tended, and there were old cars parked in the front yard. Then, after a few years without any visible change to the occupants, the shutters were removed, the peeling paint was scraped, the yard was tidied up a little bit, and when they opened up their front window curtains, you could see that the inside was an amazing creation that had real trees built into the living space. Very cool. Turns out, they were probably focusing on fixing the inside before the outside.

    Not sure if that helps, but I thought I’d mention it.

    Stubborn people can be a real challenge. My parents are pretty tough, as well – but I think they may actually be getting better. My mother makes a science out of being contrary, and interacting with her effectively demands that you anticipate her every move and “head her off at the pass”. Not easy. But I have finally learned — I just tell her what we are going to be doing, before she gets a chance to make up her own version of how things should be, and then I stick with it — total non-compromise, no matter what. For some reason, she responds well to direction when I’m ahead of her. But when she gets the reins, look out!

    Good luck and stay cool!

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  4. Yes, pushing has its drawbacks for sure. Prioritizing things is so important. I am no wading through some work that I wanted to have done last week, but I couldn’t get to it. It is taking me 3-4 times as long as I expected, and there are lots of details I’m dropping (and I feel pretty dense as a result), so I have to double-check everything, which makes things even more confusing.

    Oh, well. I have the rest of the afternoon to finalize this. At least I am making progress. Later, there will be time for other things – like a nap.

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