Pick yourself up, dust yourself off…

… start all over again…

And try to not let it get to me.

I had a standoff with a friend last night about something that’s been really bugging me about their behavior, lately. Basically, it boils down to them not pulling their weight with a project we’re working on. I’m working my ass off, and all I hear from them is excuses, as they make even more demands on others to pull their weight for them.

This individual has been in and around my life for the last four years, and it hasn’t been easy dealing with them. I haven’t had to interact with them on a regular basis until lately, and now that I do, I see pretty clearly that they are just a friggin’ wreck. And for no good reason. Here’s someone who has has their share of difficulties in life, like so many of us. But where some folks rise to the occasion and take on what’s in front of them and actually do something about what they’re facing, this individual is intent on making everyone else responsible for their situation — it’s always someone else’s fault, and they refuse to take responsibility for anything.

Because their life has been so hard.

Cue the violins…

Anyway, we had a pretty heated discussion last night, when I was trying to figure out what the hell they were up to, and also let them know that their recent spate of bailing on important work was not acceptable. We went a few rounds of some pretty intense back-and-forth, and the whole thing left me feeling stupid for even opening up the conversation with them. Now I’m “hungover” from the exchange, and frankly I never want to see them again in my life. Unfortunately, they’re a business associate and close friend of my spouse, so I’m probably going to have to interact with them at some point. Jesus. We’re all supposed to get together on New Year’s Day.

No thanks.

This morning, I was up at 4:30 a.m., still revved over the experience, and just wanting to disappear. Just check out. Say adios amigo to everyone and everything, and invite the lot of my spouse’s friends and business associates to go pound sand. So, I went for a walk down the road under the waning moonlight, with the world all lit up around me. It was pretty amazing, actually, except for the hungover feeling that had my head spinning and left me feeling like shite.

I really friggin’ detest those people. They’re freeloaders and posers who are just this far from  getting busted for what they do. Meanwhile, I’m keeping my nose clean, living as honestly as I can, and taking what life sends my way with a grain of salt — and a whole lot of hard work. Then along come these losers who offer nothing, but take plenty.

They say golf is a “good walk ruined”, but my walk this morning came in as a close second. But after an hour and a half of walking and talking it out, I got my head back on pretty straight, and now I can get some things done.

Time for me to get going on the things that I want to do. Keep my head down and just work. Just take care of the things I need to do, and steer well clear of them. Just occupy myself, keep myself busy, and not give them any more time or energy or thought.

Seriously. I’ve got plenty else on my plate already, without these losers dragging me down.

Things at work are pretty intense. They are having another re-org and I’m trying to negotiate my next steps for my job. There’s a lot we don’t know yet — and won’t for another couple of weeks, and rumors are flying left and right. Whatever. Again, I just need to keep occupied, keep my head down, and leave everyone else to their own devices.

I guess the thing is, the more I heal up from all my traumatic brain injuries, and get my life in order, the more I realize just how different I am from the people I’ve been around for so many years. I used to think I was one of them — slacking… aimless… now and then trying to pull a fast one to get over on someone or something, because I felt like life was stacked against me, and that was the only way I had to get ahead.

At the same time, though, I’ve always been a hard worker, conscientious, and dedicated. So, I haven’t really been like those folks on the margins. Not really. I just thought I was, because my head was so turned around and I didn’t understand the true nature of my issues — or how to address them.

Now I do know. And now I’m doing something about it.  I guess it’s a testament to how far I’ve come, that those people’s behavior and activity bothers me. It would probably be more of a problem, if it didn’t bother me.

Anyway, these situations keep coming up, where I cannot tolerate those kinds of people anymore. We have it out, and I cut them loose. They’re basically dead to me, and that’s that.

The only problem is, my spouse is still involved with them. And there we have it.

Oh, screw it. I’m going to get some work done.

Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

2 thoughts on “Pick yourself up, dust yourself off…”

  1. On December 31, 1976, I ran head first into the side of Bob Brewer’s Ford Pinto while on Pat Moore’s snowmobile.

    When I hit, I was catapulted from the snowmobile where I broke my jaw below my left jaw and rammed my right jaw bone into my ear canal and separated my skull completely – cap fracture.

    I also, broke a rib and broke a tooth out and fractured all my front bottom teeth back which eventually healed, but have had to have the three bottom teeth pulled recently and a fourth in a month or so.

    For many years after this terrible accident that brought with it a brain injury, I would start reflecting on how my brain injury had changed my life. There has been chaos and turmoil, good decisions and bad, bumpy roads and smooth sailing over the last 36 years.

    Sometimes, I asked myself “when is this nightmare ever going to end” and “when will I get my old life back” – so I could be happy again?

    Because I had a loving family and beautiful daughter who means more than anything to me and who I would never harm it took away the reality of walking in front of a car or bus or train that would have been an easy way to end the confusion and humility within.

    Now, after almost 37 years of living with my brain injury – I have come to understand that everything I have gone through has made me a better person and something to be proud of because of everything I have overcome and accomplished!

    In the early years this was hard to see because of my short term memory and impulsive ways.

    But over time this made me get more organized and set priorities and routines. This helped me to relieve the stress and anxiety that often created obstacles for my recovery and wellbeing.

    As life got easier and I took better care of myself by staying motivated and organized- my life got better.

    Be good to yourself and stay safe this holiday season.

    Recovery is possible.

    Be strong and stay motivated.

    Learn from your mistakes and take control of what you do and how you do it!

    Respect yourself and respect others.

    Speak out for what you believe in and listen and understand what people have to say.

    I appreciate you and who you are!

    Thank you for coming into my life and helping me along my way.

    Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

    KC

    Like

  2. Thank you for your words, KC – it’s just what I needed to hear this morning. I, too, am very grateful that our paths have crossed. All the best to you in this season of celebration!

    BB

    Like

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