Gotta watch what goes into my head…

So, I’ve had a rough days, lately, with some conflicts at home and at work. This is over the past week and a half, and it’s similar to how things were back a few years ago, but not in the recent past.

The one thing I have been doing the same now, as I was several years ago, is listening to heavy metal music. I started listening to it again, about a week ago, when I was in a car that didn’t have a way to play my own music on my smartphone. And while it felt cathartic to listen to it, that was not in a positive or gentle way.

It really did feel good to listen to it, I have to say. It was like, all the songs were reinforcing how bad I felt and how angry I was over so much. I have had a lot of pressure at work, and I have been handling it pretty well.

But I have been on a tear, the past week or so — very short-tempered and not doing well at handling conflicts. Yelling, shouting, fighting, intellectually brawling, picking nits, and getting all bet out of shape over this and that and the other thing. It’s just like it was, back a few years ago, when I was still listening to hard rock and heavy/death metal while I was driving to and from work. Those were some days when I was pretty regularly tied up in aggressive, divisive behavior that did not help me or those around me.

I just wasn’t happy, and it didn’t occur to me that my music choices had anything to do with it. But when I started listening to more electronic music that lifts my spirits, instead of dragging me down into depression, I realized that music did make a difference to my mental health.

Now I feel very similar to how I felt then. It’s different from how I’ve felt in recent memory, when I was listening to much more positive music that soothed me, instead of getting me bent out of shape with righteous anger.

And the heavy metal songs keep playing in the back of my head.

So, it’s off the hard rock, heavy/death metal tunes for me, and back to my soothing music. This state of mind and spirit is no good. I feel like crap, and I cannot seem to get myself righted. Mind you, music choice is the ONE change I’ve made in my daily routine. And it’s turning out to be not a good one.

Now I have to work through a bunch of problems I caused for myself over the past week.. and get this ship righted again.

So, it’s back to the soothing music. Heavy metal is just not worth the cost to me.