Bright – a snapshot

Yes, bright

It’s an achingly bright day. Looking out the window, my eyes are skewered by sunlight. Brilliant shafts seem pierce through my eyes and into my brain. My temples pulse and throb, and I drop my eyes. Too much — it’s too much for my pupils, which have been focused on indoor sights since 5 a.m. The headache I was hoping I’d escape today suddenly surges up, going from a “2” to a “6” in a matter of seconds. I say a little prayer that the ache will subside, then I abandon that hope. Clinging to that faint promise in the past has wasted many a day for me.

I’ve had my back to the windows for hours, now, and it’s hard to believe that after days of murky skies we could have this much light, this early in the day. But there it is — sunlight. A lot of it.

The moon last night was wild and full, bathing every inch of open space with rich, silver light. And now the sun has taken over — even brighter. The clouds of yesterday have given way to a pale blue, cloudless sky, midwinter shadows of bare trees stretching across the space filled by moonlight only 6 hours before.

I rest my warm wrists on the cool edge of my laptop. I’ve been writing since 6 a.m., and after more than two hours of intense focus, I’m due for a break. I feel good. I’ve had some thoughts and insights that made sense to me, but I don’t want to overdo it.

I need a walk. Not a long ramble through the woods, over hill and dale, but a quick jaunt down the road and back. Just enough to stir the blood. Just enough to warm me up. Sitting for hours at a time makes me feel sluggish and cold, and it’s too nice a day to feel that way for long.

I look up at the window again, squinting my eyes slightly to keep the spears of light from skewering me like before. After a few moments, my gaze acclimates. I catch sight of my neighbor doing some yardwork, and the rattle and clank of his tools carries across the way on a brisk wind that tugs and pulls playfully at the tops of the trees. Leftover leaves are at last tugged from the branches of bare oaks and maples, the light roughness of their scuttles across pavement just barely audible above the sound of the wind and my neighbor’s rattling ladder.

I look back at my laptop and click the “save” icon, watching it flash, then turn grey. That means my save was successful. Another few clicks, and the machine is hibernating till I return.

From my walk.

Out in the bright light of day.

Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

5 thoughts on “Bright – a snapshot”

  1. Wondering if you were able to get that walk? Sidewalks and streets still snow covered and not safe for walking here … but spring is just around the corner. In the meantime, walking and aquatics remain an indoor sport in Michigan. Even our dog is awaiting at least a short walk. There’s nothing more refreshing then a walk, even in the cold … but not in the ice and snow for us. Take care and stay safe.

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  2. I did get my walk in. Fortunately, even though the roads are a bit dicey with a mix of all the interesting stuff we’ve been getting, I live in a very rural area, so there’s not a lot of traffic, and I can also hear/see cars coming from a distance. One of the good things about noise sensitivity is that I sometimes hear *everything*, and yesterday was one of those days. The day was so bright, I was pretty tweaked out on my sensory overload, so every little sound was loud and clear. Kinda exhausting, but also safer… in a way.

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  3. HI! I hope your head is feeling much better. Although I am sorry you were feeling pain, I am glad your beautiful writing is here as you may be getting some hits today as the post went live. It took me a little while to write. I have some anxiety issues when I want to do a good job. Please don’t judge my good job by your standards. If I try for my best(which I am not sure what that is), I would probably be too shy to share. I do hope others will come here to take advantage of your resources and learn more about your amazing story. I did want to mention that I did finish a while back but sister’s blog is usually weekly and as editor she has events that she also posts about that are timely and other things that are seasonal. I feel blessed to share. Thank you for giving me permission and also for being here for everyone.

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  4. Thanks, it’s feeling a bit better. I think a lot of folks have anxiety around not doing a good job. Just doing it, is a help. And nobody judges us harsher than we judge ourselves, so don’t let what anyone else thinks hold you back. Thanks for your words – and you’re very welcome.

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