Making the most of my sh*tty situation

Life can keep its lemons

So, I’m still a little “off” from my travels last week. And I have yet another trip coming up in another week. That gives me a bit of normalcy this month. Not much, but some.

What-ever. I can’t let fatigue and fog keep me from living my life. I’ve just got to get on with things, and not let other people’s crap get in my way. There’s a ton of that going on, right now at work. One of my erstwhile friends has turned out to be a monumental pain in the ass, maneuvering around me and everyone else they work with, to push their agendas. They fight and squabble over every little thing. And they don’t fight fair. Seriously, they are so stupidly divisive, it’s not even worth dignifying with attention.

And then there’s the other one in my group who is turning out to be such a cry-baby. They come across as so together and professional, when they’re playing their role, but behind closed doors, they’re infantile and colicky. Nice. They’re one of the most “mature” people in my group, too. But years don’t mean much, apparently.

That’s two less friends in the mix. It’s sad. But during reorganizations and shifts of power, that’s how things happen. I’ve seen it happen time and time again, and the one-time friend who’s gone to the dark side is frankly not mature enough to resist the temptations of sudden influxes of power. While the cry-baby just has issues — at home and in their personal life. Bitch-bitch-bitch. What a waste of my time, having to deal with their emotional upheavals.

It’s all a big pain in the ass. But then again, it’s not so terrible… because it actually makes it easier for me to move on. I hate getting emotionally attached to people at work. They always fall short. The worst thing is, expecting people to be better, stronger, more honest, more capable, more excellent, than they really are. I set myself up with my expectations, and then I get let down.

So, yeah – whatever. It’s Saturday, and I’m feeling like crap. I’m tired and foggy and am just not very sharp today. It’s disappointing, to say the least. I really want to be sharp and with-it and able to be fully alive. But today might be just one of those days…

I went to see my doctor yesterday about my headaches, and they recommended I see a headache specialist. Maybe these are migraines, maybe not. Who knows? All I know is, I get headaches when I exercise or get stressed or suddenly get hit with a blast of sunlight. And no matter how great things are going, I usually have a headache of some kind. I’m working with a physical therapist who showed me some things I can do, too. We’ll see if that works. Some of the things they showed me actually made me feel a little worse, so… I’ve got to be careful.

Most of the time, the headache thing doesn’t even bother me that much. It’s not nearly as bad as the other pains I have. But it is annoying at other times — distracting and confusing and frustrating, because it just doesn’t seem like it’s every going to stop. And it’s those other times I’d like to address. I’m not keen on the idea of pills, but we’ll see what happens. I may need to go back to my chiro – they seemed to help my headaches in past years. The problem is, they’re located in the opposite direction from work and my house, so if I start going back to them, it’s like an extra hour more driving, which I really don’t care for. I’m trying to get better, not cramp up from sitting all the live-long day.

Well, anyway. I’m sure I’ll figure something out.

For today, I’m making the most of my situation. It is sunny and bright and not as cold as it has been. I’ll put on my sunglasses and head out for a walk. Then take care of some other chores. And focus on relaxing and just enjoying myself. I’m not getting too worked up over work, because — oh, hell — it’s not even worth getting all bent out of shape about.  I started to “spin” about it this morning, but that proved to be a total waste of time and energy. So, I quit.

I just need to concentrate on the good that’s in my life and keep going in a direction that works for me. And be grateful, each and every day, for all the good things I do have.

Stewing in sh*t is such a waste of my time.

Onward.

Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

2 thoughts on “Making the most of my sh*tty situation”

  1. Good self talk I try this. Good post. I just need to remember not to beat self up. Self compassion is not just self pity. I’m learning to respect my limits and not try to keep at same level as others do without feeling like a failure again. Going onward.

    On Saturday, February 22, 2014, Broken Brain – Brilliant Mind wrote: > brokenbrilliant posted: ” So, I’m still a little “off” from my travels last week. And I have yet another trip coming up in another week. That gives me a bit of normalcy this month. Not much, but some. What-ever. I can’t let fatigue and fog keep me from living my life. ” >

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