I am ready for a break. Not so much a break from work, as break from pointless stupidity. What is wrong with people, that they must create so much drama? I just don’t know.
But I don’t need to think about that for another two days. So, I won’t.
I really need to focus on what I want, what interests me, what I enjoy, what makes me happy, what makes me better. I have spent way too much time in my life struggling and battling my demons, working so hard to overcome obstacles, and just trying to get some semblance of normality back in my life.
I’m now dug out from under mountains of old debt that got racked up from bad decisions and lousy impulse control. I have a much clearer vision of what I can do for work, and I have some projects which are really helping me get my act together, hone my thinking, and build self-confidence and resilience.
I’m still going to work on myself — only now I’m working to get better, not just get back from being bad.
And all this work requires rest. I have been reading a lot, I have been working a lot, I have been planning and learning and dreaming a lot.
Now I need to rest. To give it all a break and let my body and brain regroup and recoup.
But before I go, let me share this with you – it’s a game that supposedly improves your intelligence. It’s called Dual N-Back, and it’s about remembering sounds and positions of items. It’s free, and it’s at http://www.soakyourhead.com/Default.aspx. You have to have a web browser that has Silverlight on it, but that’s not hard to get — unless you’re at your local library or on someone else’s computer.
I’ve been playing a little bit, and I’m surprised at how well I’m doing.
But seriously. I need to take a break now.
It’s been a really, really long week.
More later…
Onward.
Broken Brain - Brilliant Mind 
I have come to recognise and realise, we people with TBIs need to embolden a special type of shell-fish (to otherwise be read as selfish.) The “shell” to house us from what would otherwise be attacks, accusations and allegations over being or feeling “bad” or that we may seem self-centered, any of our actions taken had very real and perceptive reasons and consequences.
Only when we debride a wound, or reach deep within residual scar tissue, are we allowed to uncover (very necessary to the healing process) healthy tissues.
A thorough study of the self amid the healing process, is a study in contradictions. The study of the self in TBI is, filled with cyclical change, growth, angst, beginnings. It is as though we are of two or more persons; walking through the situations in real time, taking the time to study, perhaps rehearse and may even attempt to resolve the consequences of earlier decisions.
Are these not the habits of people without TBI? Of course.
Therefore, the “shell” of being shellfish in TBI, may need to be a little more hearty and courageous, mayhaps even a little outrageous, to understand the absolute truth of these matters. Debriding the scalp will not only, not uncover healthy brain! You will have a heck of a mess in your kitchen or living room, too! So, do not try it at home! ;^)
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What a great analogy. It is so true. We do need to keep a thick skin/shell when we are figuring things out in the world. I think this is true of many people, but never so true as for TBI survivors, who can seem so “normal” on the outside — to the untrained eye — while struggling so much on the inside. We have to do what we have to do, and we cannot let the rest of the world stop us. And we have to find shelter where we can find it.
We’re a bit like hermit crabs, in this respect. The hermit crab has to actively seek out shelter in unlikely shells and other objects, which it can occupy, while it grows. We have to do the same.
Thank you for your thoughts and imagery – it is really getting me thinking in a good way, this morning.
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