Going back to bed

The wedding yesterday was way too much for me. I knew five of the 200 people there, and two of them I really don’t like. I wish I liked them. I really do. They are best friends with the parents, who I’m friends with, and they are always around at family events. But they irritate the living crap out of me, and the best thing I can do for everyone’s sake is steer clear.

I got there a little bit late, I think. I had called the venue and asked when they would be starting, and they told me 5:30. Starting to seat people at 5:00. Well, I got there at 5:10, thinking I was on time, but the place was already filled, and people were being hurried into the chapel. I got a seat in the back, which was just as well, because I got to stand and see the whole thing unfold.

After the ceremony, which was a little too short and ‘customized” for my old-fashioned tastes, everyone crowded into a reception hall for a couple of hours to drink and mingle. That’s fine. I had an extended conversation with a distant relative of the bride who was there on their own, having left their spouse at home. About 15 minutes into the conversation, they started talking about being in an “open relationship” and being a swinger, and it occurred to me that if they saw me there alone, they figured I was open to hooking up. Maybe that’s why they were leaning in so close to me, all the time.

Yah, no thanks. I guess I was flattered, but actually, I wasn’t. I am not into that scene. I’m married. I’ve been married for over 20 years, and the whole “open relationship” thing is not even on the same planet as what I’m into. Even if I were into it, the person who was doing all the talking was about the last sort of person that would even interest me. Just because they have certain anatomical features, they think I’ll be attracted? Just because they keep rubbing up against me, I’m going to feel something for them? Sorry, it takes more than “nature’s bounty” to pique my interest.

Not that it matters, anyway, because I’m not into that scene — because I love my spouse and I am committed to our marriage… because heaven only knows who else this new person has slept with — and what STD they’re carrying… because even casual sex often has consequences you can’t control… because I consider that sort of behavior a waste of time and pretty much of a trap. Regular life is enough of a challenge for me, without throwing casual sexual encounters into the mix.

So, that was a weird conversation. And after I made it clear that I am really really married, this new “friend” of mine spent another 10 minutes talking about how accepting and open they were… how they don’t judge anyone else for their choices… then they went off to watch a video on their smartphone.

Okay, so that was a bust, pretty much. Dinner was okay, but it friggin’ took forever, and being in the midst of a big, loud room filled with loud, drunk people, was about the last way I wanted to spend a beautiful Saturday afternoon. I couldn’t bear to look outside — the weather was phenomenal, and I was stuck inside with the echoes, the crowd, the strangers, and just keeping my attention on the food in front of me was a huge task.

After dinner, there was dancing and music and increasing mayhem. One of the groomsmen got carried away and was bumping and grinding with the very-not-interested bride on the dance floor, which was the definition of not-cool. I thought for sure that a fight was going to start. One should have, really, but the groomsman backed off, and rest of the night proceeded with everyone having a pretty good time, and me hanging in there trying to engage others in conversations, where there were no apparent shared interests or topics anyone wanted to discuss.

I did get some tips on selling your house without a realtor, but other than that, the event was a bust.

I didn’t get out of there until close to 11, then it took me another hour to get home. I had to debrief my spouse on the event, which depressed me even more, and I didn’t get in bed till 1 a.m. I woke up at 6, which means I had all of 5 hours of sleep last night, after a very long and arduous day.

So yeah – I’m going back to bed. I’ve had enough for one day, and I have a full week ahead of me. I’m taking some time off work, so I need to make up the hours, which means I’ll have longer workdays for the next while.

I’m beat from the new job, the transition, and having to settle into everything. People at work seem to want some assurance that I know what I’m doing, and that I’ll be able to pick up the slack. I’m doing my best, considering I haven’t got anything substantive to do, yet, so it’s a little difficult to create the mystique of having it all together. They’ll just need to see me in action.

But for now, right here, today, it’s time to rest. Everything can wait, till I’ve caught up with myself.







Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

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