Give myself a jump on the day

Just gotta jump into it

I had a really crappy day, yesterday. There’s been tension at work (which is going to be how things are, for the next couple-three months), and people are not happy. We have a bunch of high-stakes deadlines coming up in September and October (and beyond), which are working on folks’ nerves and patience.

There’s a lot going on, and people are starting to show signs of wear. It’s particularly irritating to me, because I feel like I’ve been through all this, over and over and over again, regularly for the past 20 years, and watching people go through their gyrations over pressures at work is just the same-old-same-old fluff and drama that — frankly — is so boring to me.

Plus, there’s one individual at work who’s decided they don’t like me. I have nothing against them. I actually like them as a person, but they’re behaving very strangely towards me, which is just awkward. It also makes me a little uncertain, because I wonder if maybe there’s something I’m doing wrong that I don’t know about… it’s just the old TBI-induced neurosis, I guess. That old feeling like there’s something wrong with me, and I’ve gone and screwed something up without knowing about it. That’s happened to me so many times, it’s a reflex with me, to look for the things I’ve screwed up. ‘Cause that’s what I’ve done so many times.

It’s really a pain in my ass, and it doesn’t do my self-confidence any good, quite frankly.

One of the additional underlying dramas for some folks at work, is that we are moving offices in another 2 months, and once that happens, there are a lot of people who are suddenly going to have a really crappy commute. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to have that hanging over your head. When we move, I’ll be even closer to home, so it’s actually not an issue for me. It’s actually going to make my life that much better.

But I still feel for the folks who have to move. I know what that’s like.

Basically, I’m just keeping my head down and staying on target… trying to use my head and not get all worked up over what other people are thinking and doing and feeling. What they are thinking and feeling is none of my business… and it probably has nothing to do with me, anyway. It’s important that I not think too much about things, not try to analyze them too much, and that I keep my “mental cycles” for things I actually can control — like my projects, and my own side hobbies.

I’ve been reading some pretty interesting things, lately, which has got me thinking along some creative new lines. So, that’s good. It’s got me changing my world view… which is always good.

More than anything, I just need to keep my head on straight and not let it wander off and do all sorts of “recreational stress” type things. I can go there pretty quickly, especially when the pressure’s on, because the stress sharpens the parts of my thinking that are useful in a crisis. And things start to seem like a real crisis at times. But that just makes me more edgy and antsy, and it really knocks the feet out from under my ability to think creatively and inventively, and to integrate what I have learned from the past day(s).

I also need to give myself ample time to ramp up in the morning. I’ve been getting in late, over the past several weeks, and it’s that old bad habit that I need to not fall into. My boss has cleared me for overtime, so if I want to work more hours (because, after all, I literally have two more useful hours in the day than I used to), I can.

Having that flexibility will also let me just work when I need to, instead of watching the clock. It’s one less thing to think about.

Anyway, I’m up early today, because I couldn’t sleep. I just woke up. And now I have a little time to do some things I feel like doing, before I go in – early, this time, instead of late. I’m sure everything will work out, I just need to not shoot myself in the foot, jump the gun, or do any other number of things that have more to do with my anxiety, than reality.

Give myself a head-start on the day, to settle in and get clear about my day before it starts… and then just get on with doing what it is I do. Giving myself some extra time in the morning to get there and settle in, is about the best thing I can do for myself. If I’m up early, I’ll go in early. And I’ll have some time to plan and think through my day — before I’m up against a wall.

It’s all good.


Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

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