Oh, the excitement

The transmission went out on one of my cars. It actually imploded, and little bits of the machinery were floating around in the transmission fluid.

Not enough money for another car — so went ahead and had the transmission replaced. Not ideal, but for the money we’d have to spend, we could not have gotten a decent car.

Best just to suck it up and get the transmission done in the car we DO know about, and hope for the best for the next three years.

Money’s scarce. I wasn’t working for a week and a half in December/Jan, and if I don’t work, I don’t get paid. So I lost nearly half a month’s pay, and now I’m feeling it.


Oh, well.

Back to work. Pull in some extra hours and get the overtime. And hope for the best, that no more problems come up.

Health scares. More health scares. My good insurance is valid till the end of this year, then I need to make other arrangements. Like Obamacare or somesuch. It all seems so complicated and confusing.

I joke about it being easier to die, but some days it feels that way.

Not that I want to die. I think I’d settle for just being able to walk away from all of this. Move to the woods.Or go on the road. Just leave it all. People have good intentions, trying to help me get ahead at work, but honestly, I’d almost rather not.

Lord, how I would love to just lay it all down and walk away.

Adulthood is overrated. I want to be a pirate and sail the seas, knocking over pricey sailboats carrying rich couples, leaving the people alone, but making off with their loot.

Just an idea.

But with my luck, I’d get clunked on the head and would end up overboard.

I hit my head on the car door frame again last night. I keep doing that. It’s not fun. I’m feeling okay, afterwards. Same headache as usual. Still, I always wonder if THIS will be the final head injury that truly does me in.

I’m not there, yet. So I’ll count my blessings. And leave it at that.


Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

4 thoughts on “Oh, the excitement”

  1. Hi, I’m a friend of Ken Collins so I read your blogs regularly. You were talking about insurance and I thought I would share with you my coverage. I live in NM, and don’t know where you live, but some states have opted in for Medicaid for the Working Disabled (Federal Program). I just HAPPEN to know about it, it isn’t much publicized, and only about 1300 people in New Mexico have this coverage, largely due to the work of two individuals I was fortunate to meet through DVR. The long and the short is that WDI Medicaid pays all my Medicare premiums, covers me for long term care (so I have an aide who works for me 10 hours a week at my home, making it possible for me to do work for money), reduces my prescription charges to virtually nothing, and allows me to have Environmental Mods also. You might want to see if it’s available for you. The thing that distinguishes it from regular Medicaid is that you can earn as much as $40k without losing the benefit.
    Love your blogs. I don’t have a TBI (thank goodness, or at least I don’t have a known TBI) but since my own disability, starting with a quad bypass in 2005, and having two back surgeries in 2013, I have become quite a “disabilities advocate.” Unpaid, of course. (a Horse is a Horse).
    It’s a pity HIPAA keeps all us folks with disabilities so isolated. My Medicaid provider (our friend, Unitied Health Care) markets me madly trying to get me to sign on for their Medicare, but I can’t reach out to this same database to try to organize folks with disabilities. Doesn’t strike me as fair. And now the Republicans are doing their best to downgrade SSDI. Ah well, whoever said like was fair?
    Best wishes to you in all you do!
    Penelope Foran
    Albuquerque, NM


  2. Hi there,

    Thanks for writing and for your kind support.

    I’m actually not eligible for Medicare or SSDI, because none of my TBIs have been medically recorded, so I have no “proof” that any of it happened. And as we all know, the government and insurance companies aren’t big on just taking people at their word.

    In another 15 years, I’ll be eligible for Medicare (unless, heaven forbid, something really bad happens to me), so I’m on my own at this point.

    Still, this information could come in really handy for others who are better/worse situated than myself.

    That’s great, that you can get the help you need. It’s not every day we hear positive things, but it sounds like you’ve found a kind of “sweet spot”.

    Yes, it is a shame that HIPAA separates us so much. I think there are ways around it — we just can’t use their ways. So, I guess we find our own.

    Thanks again for writing and have a great day.


  3. There is always hope, in getting on either end of the disability spectrum. Living in the mindset of the elder west, whether NM or in Nevada, I was surprised to read in the newspaper this past Sunday, of a person that was shot in the hinder during a walk on the mountain behind the rental complex in which I live, by a target shooter, the stray bullet now lodged in (hip) bone since. This incident just one of a few close calls, other people and nearby homes have experienced, of running into bullets and arrows from same. BLM is being asked to take a more active approach to managing this mountainous land and the errant hunters in their target practices. It would seem it is not so much, the “west is wild” mentality exists, but that the west has become a more crowded place per capita/miles than in past times, wherein both hunters and diverse others as the people with differing brain situations have moved from more populous urban centers, back into the west. Finding ourselves reliant on the governments that govern us all, people soon discover, small-town governments have not yet fully acclimated themselves to their more populous environs, not well-suited for suburban sprawl, people may be experiencing higher rates of disability if their governments are unwilling or unprepared to govern, according to federalist standards. Change happens slowly, and anyone that lives in a small town has experienced blowback, such as when attempting to pass a helmet law for riding bikes. This is an automatic no-brainer, heads need to be protected, should be a law, but many small towns will argue the “need for it,” “if there is no traffic neither adult nor child should be required…,” and the excuses mount. There is no doubt, disabilities increase, especially brain disabilities, with an incease in the population. I already have my brain disability and would sooner hold my hinder, jump into politics to keep people safe, than walk the mountain behind my house.


  4. You make some excellent points – it had not occurred to me that people with disabilities will be moving out of crowded areas and into locales that cannot accommodate (or understand) them. Good food for thought.

    Too bad about the hunters. Make sure you wear bright colors and safety gear when you go out.


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