Picking and choosing and taking a break

I’ve been having a pretty good day today. I got a lot of reading done, this morning, then I went for a long walk to think about where I want to go with my life this year.

I am doing something that a lot of people seem to be doing this year – not making any real new year’s resolutions, just doing the right things for the right reasons and developing positive habits. I had a couple of good “talks” with myself today, as I thought about where I am putting my energy and attention, and I realized how much time I have been wasting on distractions and saying “yes” to every little idea that comes to mind.

For the past several weekends, I have lost days to coming up with ideas that seemed great at the time, but ended up being dumb ideas… Or just weren’t anything that will get me closer to my goals of creating peace and a good structure in my life on a regular basis.

They were distractions. That’s all. And I’ll never get that time back.

Oh, well. On the bright side, I have been coming up with some much better ideas about how to spend my time — and the nice part is, a lot of it involves saying “NO” to things that pull me off base. I have been putting together a schedule of sorts, to see where and when and how I am going to do the things I want to do. This is in addition to working full-time, so obviously I need to be very careful with how I spend my time.

I also need to allow myself to just breathe. It’s all a balancing act, really.

The thing with my head, is that it gets to stuck in its ways. It gets an idea, and then it stays stuck in that, even after it’s not working anymore. And the idea of NOT doing it, makes me more anxious than the thought of wasting countless hours and days and weeks and months (sometimes years) at pursuing it over and over and over again. My head is funny, that way.

So, I’m pretty beat, tonight. I had a good long nap, but I’m still tired. I’m looking forward to getting a good night’s sleep. And then getting up to see another day through. Life is pretty cool for me, right now, and I’m feeling really good about taking some of the crap off my plate, so to speak. I don’t need to do everything. I can take my time, in some respects, and I can hurry up in others. It’s up to me, really. I get to choose.

And so I shall.


Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

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