Something occurred to me yesterday that has the potential to make me as happy as it makes me sad : It’s all temporary.
I mean, I know that everything passes,and I know that everything really is temporary, but I tend to get caught up in the problem of the moment, and I lose sight of the fact that everything changes in one way or another. Nothing stays one way for long.
But I get so caught up in my rigidity and my literalism,I lose sight of that fact. I’ve been very rigid, this winter, having it in my head that I need to do certain things or else, and I have let a lot of stuff slide, as a result. I’ve been so focused on a small set of activities, that I haven’t actually taken time to A) fix things around the house I should be fixing and B) simply enjoy myself and get out and about like I try to do year-round.
I don’t have any excuse. I just got so caught up in what I was doing, I lost track of everything else.
I think I know what causes me to get stuck – the fact that everything truly is temporary, including my memory. And I don’t want to lose the progress I’ve made.I tend to lose track of where I am, if I get pulled away to do something different, and I really wanted to finish the projects I started in late fall.I kept getting distracted, kept getting pulled off in million different directions, and I wasn’t making the kind of progress I needed to make.
So I decided to block everything out and just ONLY do that one thing, until it was done.
That meant I blocked out just about everything else, except for the basics, like getting up and going to work, eating and sleeping.
Now I’m dealing with some house issues that are a real problem. I’ve got some water leaks in the system that continue to cause problems, and the house is getting a musty smell. Also, with the car situation, I let some things slide, and now I’m scrambling to catch up.
Making calls. Figuring out how much money I have to spend. Getting my numbers together and figuring out my schedule. Just taking it a piece at a time, doing what I can, when I can.
I just need to not get stuck … everything is temporary, including the problems I have. Other people have surmounted worse.
I just need to keep going, keep thinking, and stay flexible as best I can.
More reading on flexibility and rigidity and TBI:
- Psychiatric Issues in Traumatic Brain Injury (pdf)
- Tutorial: Flexibility Versus Rigidity In Thinking And Behavior
- Brain Injuries: Perseveration and Rigidity of Thinking