Live more, labor less, work better

OK, birds are good

A funny thing has happened, since I switched over to a standing desk at home and at work. All of a sudden, I’m thinking a whole lot better. AND I don’t get caught up in perseverating quite the way I used to. I’m not getting stuck in a particular train of thought… unable to change my direction.

I’m also feeling less rigid, less stuck. And I’m letting go of stuff that I used to cling to so intently, just because…

Old projects that used to seem so important… new ideas to work on. Inventions. Websites. Passive income. MAKING IT HAPPEN. All those ideas in my head, all of them competing for space and time. When all I really wanted to do, was focus on one or two of them, and let the rest go. I couldn’t seem to let things go when they no longer mattered deeply to me.

Habit, maybe? I dunno. I was just stuck.  Stuck in the hustle. Stuck in the constant campaign for productivity and effectiveness. How tiresome it all got.

Oddly, I don’t have that old hunger to pile up all sorts of projects on myself, anymore. It’s like, with this last round of layoffs and all the drama at work, the absolute futility of getting attached to any particular outcome is pointless and vain, so why not just focus on doing what you do, for the love of doing it,rather than achieving any specific desired effect from it. Just getting into the doing for the sake of doing, and letting everything else just sort itself out.

Now I am more focused on just doing things because I enjoy them and they bring me some sense of fulfillment. In addition to hitting that old futility wall at work, I also think it has to do with the energy I am getting from standing. It really keeps me on my toes, literally and figuratively, and just moving around is doing wonders for my pain and stiffness.

Pretty amazing, really.

I think that I used to hang onto all those old projects I had going, in part because the stress of overload kept me alert. The adrenaline and excitement were palpable, they fed me. No more. All that whoop-de-do doesn’t feed me, it drains me. Now I’m keeping alert by standing up, and I don’t actually need the environmental stress to keep me sharp.

It’s all about the energy.

And it’s good energy, too. I find myself having to work less hard, to make progress in the one or two things I have going on, these days. I can actually think on the fly, instead of needing to sit down at my desk.  I’ve had some good breakthroughs, lately. They just come.

And they come, because I’ve stopped funnelling so much time and energy and attention towards things that don’t actually matter to me, anymore. There was a lot that I was really doing for the money… pushing and pushing to “realize the potential” of ideas. Please. I’ve managed to let that go (for now, anyway), and I’ve stopped working so hard at absolutely everything. I’m just doing my thing. No pressure.

Whatever. {shrug}

It’s a lot more fun, this way.

And I could really use more fun.


Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

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