From good, to … where?

More quandary… I woke up early again today. I think I’m just jazzed about having extended time off, and all the ideas I normally don’t have the time to really dig into are pushing at the edges of my thought process.

They’re like neglected children — or puppies — all clamoring for attention.

What to do?

Well, first, I need to realize that this is a really good problem to have. A lot of people never figure out just what they want to do with their lives. I know what I want to do, and I’m doing it.

I just need to figure out how to make the most of it — and also get support from others to keep doing it. I spend a whole lot of time researching and writing and publishing, yet so far, the majority of the support has been motivational, moral support. I’m not knocking that — far from it. The “emotional paycheck” (as they call it) has been hugely important to me.

The thing is, emotions don’t really pay the bills, and I’ve gotta do that. So, I spent the lion’s share of my time working jobs that will get me money, so I can keep up this work… keep it going. And do more.

The other thing that’s kind of throwing me off, is that I’ve gotten into a pretty good space with my life. Sure, I still have issues that make my days “interesting”, but they’re manageable. I’ve figured out how to either ameliorate them or work around them or just plain ignore them and move along with my life. All the energy and time and focus I spent on identifying my issues, addressing them, coming up with new strategies and techniques, etc., etc.  …. well, it’s all paid off. And I’m in a really competent space right now (when I’m not mouthing off to police officers and managers at work, anyway).

And now where do I go?

I mean, seriously. I’ve felt like I was barely breaking even, for most of my 50 years. I’ve always had the sense that I was playing catch-up… and I wasn’t catching up very fast.

Now that I have the sense that I AM caught up, what do I do with myself?

If all you’re doing for your entire life, is trying to break even, and your whole life is geared towards laying low and minimizing risk, how can you transition to stepping out and above and beyond, when you no longer have to be chasing an ever-elusive goal?

If all your life you’re geared towards keeping things from blowing up, what do you do with yourself when you don’t have to be on constant guard? What do you do with all the energy that’s been spent on moment-by-moment damage control for so many years, when you’ve managed to achieve that level of control at a higher level?

And how do you keep yourself from imploding or going supernova from all the energy that comes up, when you’re not in constant fight-flight mode?

That there’s the question I’m wrangling with, this weekend. I have a lot of things I want to do, and that’s great. And in addition, I need to get used to the idea of moving forward into the unknown — and NOT having it all blow up in my face.

Well, this certainly keeps things interesting.

Onward.

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Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

3 thoughts on “From good, to … where?”

  1. Hi BB,
    Great article BB, I believe I understand BB. I have diligently applied my passions to write articles 1370), create video presentations (270) and create and publish e Books (5), but have not had many people beating down my “door”. Beating down my door to have me give keynote presentations pr provide workshops at conferences. Hard to understand why more organizations have not been interested.

    Not sure how to build a better “widget” either to be more marketable and attractive to organizations. I like you have a wide presence on the internet with the major search engines. Not sure if I am doing some thing wrong or like many in history were not recognized for what they were contributing until they were gone from this life and planet. Hard to tell. I am open to suggestions on how to build a better “mouse trap”.

    Any suggestions BB?

    By the way I answered / responded to the responses that you sent to me early last week, but have not heard back from you.

    Have a great day my friend.

    Craig

    Like

  2. Hi BB,
    No problem. I am and have been busy. No expectations. Just wanted to share that I have thought about the suggestions per increasing my stats — that you gave me and replied –but I am also interested in your response to what I wrote to you in response to your post today, as shown below BB.

    “I have diligently applied my passions to write articles 1370), create video presentations (270) and create and publish e Books (5), but have not had many people beating down my “door”. Beating down my door to have me give keynote presentations pr provide workshops at conferences. Hard to understand why more organizations have not been interested.

    Not sure how to build a better “widget” either to be more marketable and attractive to organizations. I like you have a wide presence on the internet with the major search engines. Not sure if I am doing some thing wrong or like many in history were not recognized for what they were contributing until they were gone from this life and planet. Hard to tell. I am open to suggestions on how to build a better “mouse trap”.

    Any suggestions BB?”

    Have a great day my friend.

    Craig

    Like

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