Change. It’s up to me. It’s what I do.

Yes, it does

So, it’s a beautiful day. Unfortunately, I only got about 6 hours of sleep last night. I stayed up too late and woke up too early. I’ll remedy that later with a long nap. That’s the plan, anyway.

I’ve got a call in a little bit with a Feuerstein Method practitioner, who helps people rewire their brains with specific combinations of exercises, along with a highly interactive approach. They live relatively close to me. Same part of the state. So maybe I can meet with them.

I’ve been reading up on the Feuerstein Method, and it’s very much in agreement with what I believe about the human brain, the human system, and all the latent abilities we have — just waiting for us to bring them forth. A great in-depth overview of the method’s main assessment “device” can be read here: http://acd.icelp.info/workshops/theoretical-material/lpad.aspx. It’s a lot to take in and digest, but the bottom line is, it’s a system that is based on a “belief system that holds individuals to be modifiable, as well as amenable to registering and detecting adaptive changes.

And that works for me.

Basically, the bottom line is that the human system is built for change, and the Feuerstein Method harnesses that, and then directs it by 1) understanding how a person learns, as well as the degree to which they are able to adapt, and 2) using a highly interactive “mediation” approach between the helper and the person who’s seeking help. It’s mutually interactive approach which makes all the sense in the world to me.

And I wish I’d found it sooner. Something keeps nagging at me about my recovery not progressing as quickly as it could have. I firmly believe the human brain can change dramatically, if it gets the right kind of help. And I haven’t really been getting as much direct help as I would like. My sessions with my neuropsych have been useful in terms of being professionally productive. But there are many other areas where they just cannot fathom the difficulties I’m having… let alone take action to address them. They’re just not that kind of neuropsychologist.

But I guess I had to bump up against the upper limits of my ongoing TBI rehab, in order to get to this point. I’ve pushed the limits of what’s possible in a conventional neuropsychological context, and I’ve wrung more out of that, than I think was ever expected of me. I’ve had phenomenal progress, over the past years, which has benefited me more than words can say.

I’ve also really experienced a great deal of frustration in the process, but that’s not all bad. First, it’s forced me to think critically and come up with my own ideas and approaches about things, where the ones offered me were not working. Second, it’s really anchored a deep compassion in me for others in similar straits. I think I’ve got more empathy for others, now, and I have a better understanding of the difficulties others may face on a regular basis. So, it has been quite useful for me to work with a neuropsych.

On top of that, I’ve been able to have a positive effect on them, so that’s good.

And in the end, it’s taught me to be a lot less trusting, across the board, of “experts” who claim to to have the market cornered on a specific discipline. I tend to be naive and trusting of folks in positions of authority — especially the folks I like and get along with. But they’re as human and as flawed as the next person, so…

Anyway, it’s all connected and everything has its place.

Next…

What’s next?

  1. Getting a better, more in-depth understanding of my deficits — and yes, they are deficits, not just differences or challenges. There are real ways I need to improve, in order to perform at my best and have a high quality of life.
  2. Identifying where those deficits are holding me back, and where fixing them will help me. This is central to recovery, because I have to understand the context and the meaning of my work, in order to stay motivated.
  3. Working on my exercises again. I have gotten away from doing exercises, and I am getting back to them. I used to do Dual N-Back training and some Brain HQ training, which seemed to help me. But I left that behind — I think when I was starting to get better. I often do that — I make progress up to a certain point, and then I wander off and get caught up in other things.
  4. Making sure I get plenty of rest and I eat right. One of the big things that holds me back, is how tired I get. I think this is why I abandon things I enjoy – I get into them, I work myself into a frenzied state of enthusiasm, and then I wear myself out. When I get tired, I feel bad… so the very things that used to give me joy, now seem to make me feel like crap. It’s a recurring cycle, which I can break, now that I understand it.

The thing I need to understand in all this — and remember over time — is that I tend to progress in “fits and starts” and I don’t always need to push myself as hard as I do. And in other times, I need to really push myself much harder than I feel like. I can generally figure out what my system needs, if my head is “not in the mood”. For some reason, it’s contrary.

But that can be a good thing, because it ensures that I still have my own mind, no matter what the rest of the world says.

If I’m going to see change in my life, it’s going to need to come from me. I look forward to finding someone who can work directly with me in a more proactive way, but no matter what, I’ve got to be the one driving the change.

After all, change is what I do.

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Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

4 thoughts on “Change. It’s up to me. It’s what I do.”

  1. Wishing you all the best with the new treatment and hoping it makes significant and powerful improvement. We are back to neurofeedback here and our practitioner read up on visual disturbances and is trying some new electrode placements to help with that. Too early to say if it is making a difference, but just reinforcing that working with a practitioner that is willing to listen and value our input is making a huge difference in the treatment plan. When so much of the recovery process is painfully slow and still leaves one feeling off balanced, having someone, in addition to the family, on board with making modifications in the direction that the TBI survivor intuits is the right direction is so calming and reduces the fight-or-flight response. That helps with course correction in a more efficient way because the TBI survivor can better determine if the treatment is making a difference rather than experiencing a roadblock of doubt, anxiety and frustration that the other person doesn’t get it and is treating us as if s/he wants to remain stuck and is not courageous enough to take the next step. The TBI survivor wants relief from the symptoms, the daily grind which limits interactions not by choice but because the brain demands a break when it will by shutting down until it gets that (or at least some) relief. By just showing up and working with a practitioner, it tells me the TBI survivor is willing to work on their recovery–it takes so much energy just to get to the appointments, and if the person had given up or wanted to stay stuck, they wouldn’t put in the effort it takes to be present at the treatments.

    I feel like I may not have been effective in communicating so well in the paragraph above. Know that I am behind with support because I recognize the courage, resilience, and determination to keep moving onward, regardless of how long the process may take and how slow the improvements occur. It is still onward in a positive direction while being in the driver’s seat. And as always, expressing my gratitude that you share your journey so that other may benefit and know they are not alone in this journey.

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  2. Thank you. Well said. Yes, I think I get what you’re saying. In any case, thanks for your support, and also for checking in to let us know how things are going. I’ll be interested to hear how the vision adjustments go.

    I have an appointment next week with this new practitioner, after speaking with them this morning. They seem to be pretty savvy to things, and also are on the same page with me, in terms of the brain being naturally inclined to change.

    So, I’m hopeful. Now, to rest… as I recall, that’s what day’s off are for, right

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