Long day yesterday – feeling it this morning

Sometimes I feel like this

Something magical happens on Saturdays – I don’t have a day full of obligations. The same is sort of true on Sunday, except that I do have One Big Thing I need to do before Monday, but it’s not a huge deal.

Anyway, today I’m feeling the burn. Feeling a bit hungover, to tell the truth. Tension headache from doing and doing and doing and then not getting to bed till 11. At least I slept till about 7, so that helps.

But still. Ouch. And now I’ve got some issues to sort out. Like checking my bank balance to make sure I have my mortgage covered. Like filling the radiator of my car, which ran dry last night when I was driving home from the grocery store. I fixed a leak in my radiator about six months ago. Couldn’t afford to replace it, so I bought some leak repair potion, and everything was going fine. I checked my levels a bunch of times, but everything seemed fine. Now the radiator coolant well is dry as a bone, and I drove home last night with my heater turned up high, keeping my speed up, so that between the breeze and the “off-gassing” of the heater, the temp gauge would stay out of the red zone.

It worked. Quite well, actually. Now I need to refill that sucker.

I’ve done it before, so no big deal, right? Well, today I’m pretty foggy, and I’m having trouble figuring out what happens first. And I’m nervous about doing it wrong. So, I’m avoiding it. Till later. I’m sure it will be fine, it’s just worrying to me.

I’ll figure it out… later.

Anyway, while I was riding the exercise bike this morning, the thought occurred to me that it took me years to wrap my head around the whole wireless concept. I don’t know why, but my last TBI in 2004 happened around the time when wireless was really picking up, and I’m embarrassed to say, but I just couldn’t get my head around it. I couldn’t understand the difference between having a wifi connection and being on a plan. And I could not figure out the concept of connecting to wireless instead of your data plan to surf the web, text, etc.

I just could not get it. And I faked my way through things, just taking stab after stab at trying to get connected, without really understanding how everything was put together. You might think it’s not that big of a deal, but for me – someone who has been in technology since before there was even AOL or everyday email – this is telling.

My brain just could not get itself wrapped around the concepts. The whole thing about changing wireless settings, or knowing which plan you are on, or entering a security code, etc. Baffling.

Now, I’ve got it. I have been fiddling with wireless connections and concepts long enough to understand the principles and how to use them. And that’s good. Because for the longest time, I just didn’t get it. And I was embarrassed to admit it. Faking your way through something as fundamental and ubiquitous as wireless connectivity is no fun.

It’s also a drain.

So, what have I learned? Basically, that when I don’t understand things that I believe I really should, I need to dive right in and engage with them. Just get in there and muck around. On my own time. From tons of different angles. In a bunch of different ways that make sense to me along different lines. Visual ways. Audible ways. Active ways. I need to just dig in and rise to the challenge…. not hide away in a corner, faking my way through, hoping nobody notices.

That’s not to say that I should run around and tell people that I’m clueless. I can practice and learn on my own. That’s what I do. It’s what I’ve always done. It’s actually one of my strongest suits.

So, there we have it. Now, it’s time for a walk.

Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

3 thoughts on “Long day yesterday – feeling it this morning”

  1. There have been so many things in my life that I too have simply avoided at first and it has taken my time to understand. I believe this is the sign of simply waiting until the time is right. My life has been overloaded with so much stuff that sometimes I just don’t want to fit another thing into it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Indeed. There’s no sense in pushing it, if the capacity isn’t there. I am pretty maxed out, as it is. And as I tell myself and others around me, “You don’t want to discover everything up front – you need to save some things for later.” It keeps everything interesting, that’s for sure.

    Liked by 1 person

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