And then they were gone.

Disappear - by Blixxa
Disappear – by Blixxa

No word from my old friend whom I emailed on Monday. Wouldn’t be the first time someone disappeared on me. Maybe it’s payback, for how I disappeared, 27 years ago.

Anyway, that’s neither here nor there. I have a full life, and I doubt I’ll even be able to add another social connection to my life. I’m maxed out – especially with my new job.

Learning new things and turning your life around takes a LOT of energy.

And needs a LOT of rest.

So, I’m not worrying about it. If I never hear from them again, that’s actually fine. I already got what I wanted — to tell the truth.

I’ve been thinking a great deal about what happens after a mild TBI / concussion. The biochemical cascade that takes place, when all the chemicals that should be inside the cells, get to the outside of the cells. The reaction our bodies have. And the reaction our spirits have.

Many, many times when I was concussed, I felt like I was super-human afterwards. Nothing could stop me. Even when I was running the wrong way down the soccer field and nearly scored against my own team, I still felt like I was invincible.

That, my friends, is what a “minor” head injury will do to you. There is nothing “minor” about it, when you get down to it… including the long-term effects.

And yet, nobody seems to talk about this much — how absolutely phenomenal it can feel to be recently concussed. Like you’ve suddenly got super-powers and cannot be stopped.

That feeling, and our love of it, our lust for it, is what drives so many repeat concussions, I believe. A lot of us chase that feeling and do things to make it happen, again and again.

We feel like a million bucks. Until we don’t. And then that super-person is gone-baby-gone.

That is a loss that really kills.

Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

11 thoughts on “And then they were gone.”

  1. You see I really believed that even when we concussed or abuse somewhere. That we go to the place that we are loved. It is very painful for some people to admit. No place to go

    My oldest brother disappeared for over 27 years. My take on it. Nobody really loved him.
    So he lived in the woods alone for 30 years. He wasn’t even with brain injury.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Friends want to help they just don’t know how. Sometimes the stigma of brain injury gets the best of them and sometimes they just run away and hide because the don’t know what to do!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Indeed. Although I haven’t told this old friend about the role my TBIs played in my behavior, that’s almost moot, because the behavior was there, in any case.


  4. Was it the right choice- all things considered. What inspired you to make “the choice”.
    Was it direct result of TBI’s, bad judgement, or a choice for a better or worse or just different path. And “Has it made all the difference” From Robert Frost -“the road not taken” And I chose that path less travelled and it has made all the difference. Maybe I should have taken the path that was well-worn and taken most. It would have created a more stable world for me, one fraught with a certain angst but most likely a lot less pain.
    I like that line from the scent of a woman.
    “If you think you’re merely sending this splendid solder back to oregon with his tail between his legs I’m telling you you’re wrong, you are destroying his soul” There’s no prosthetic for an amputated spirit. TBI has a way of making the person feel that his spirit has been amputated
    but we need to know that it has not. It just feels that way and in most cases a new spirit is born.
    Maybe I should say in all cases. Peace. Luka

    Liked by 1 person

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