Gotta get a code of honor

Others may seek to provide it for you.

Others may motivate you to have one.

But only you can keep to it.

Only you can decide to commit – and keep committed.

Only you can decide what is worth sacrificing for, and only you can keep yourself on that narrow, narrow road.

To find something beyond yourself and devote yourself to it completely… that code of honor can – and may – save your life.

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Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

13 thoughts on “Gotta get a code of honor”

  1. This post is very interesting and is a the core of the struggle from the TBI survivor.
    That sense of self that is beyond description to the world. It leaves us in an awful position of not knowing what we are defending. However, PTSD and TBI survivors do make excellent warriors and that too makes no sense. Like the namn vet told me, you are stronger than they know (they being the bullies getting in on the action of degrading a person who is obviously struggling with understand communication) He was insistent in that I was the one that he wished to have in the fox hole with him. But I was so confused then. I do not see the strength that people tell me that I possess. It must come from something other than me. The fact I breathe and can walk still, it really makes no sense. And today I feel infection invade my body. They have worn me down.
    Who are “they” and “why” seem like unanswerable questions. I feel so limited and have for so many years. I realize that the who “group” has secretly despised me for my career choice, my choice of girlfriend, my speaking (without filter at times) the hypocrisies that i have seen in front of me. I had a nice “disabled” or more “spiritually abled” lady that I used to wheel into church when i was trying to make a comeback at living more righteously. How I longed for a community that was ding the right things and could respect my deficits with open arms. It was not to be. My autistic like brain and inability to use contextual clues in a timely manner, has caused me so much unnecessary pain. (and others) The lady in the wheelchair seemed to like me a lot. She spoke about “lion king” and about the ones who do not always say the politically correct thing are actually the least problematic and most caring. She had such wonderful insight.
    The stigma has beaten more than anything. My daughter, who suffers so much, an empath, who observes too much and wants to see the essence of things. I don’t want her to be like that in this world. But if she is, I want her to stay close to me. But others have gotten in her head. I’m a loser guy with some serious illness and or demon. It is very sad, They took me down further and the ripples are felt in her life. My forgiving nature has not served me well. And her forgiving nature is having her return each time to a household that will not honor her.
    I can’t do much because of the labels. A member of the church once said “do not let what you can’t do interfere with what you can” I liked this very much. But part of my brain can’t figure this vital information out. I need a mentor. I have always needed a mentor and not some perv like I got when i was a nine. But A real man. Aman who possesses these worldly skills and ability to understand human nature more. I don’t have that somebody. So I battle onward with PTSD and TBI holding me confused in wrong areas. TBI survivors find a mentor early.

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  2. So much of what you say is true. And the part about your daughter being sensitive and picking up on what you are feeling… there are ways that sensitive folks can protect themselves. I have known a number of empaths who have taught me things. One thing she can do is draw crosses across her forehead, heart, and lower belly – as though she is “crossing” herself. After each cross, draw a circle around the cross – each one in a different direction. My empath friends tell me that it “closes their chakras” to keep unwanted emotions and experiences from coming through. I have done it myself, sometimes, and it seems to work for some reason. She needs to learn how to block out what others are experiencing, so that she can be clearer and help others better — including you. For that matter, it might be a good idea for you to try it, too. So that others’ “stuff” doesn’t keep bothering you.

    I got a lot of lessons about taking care of myself over the weekend. It was a very full time, and I got a lot out of it. But it also demanded a lot of me, and now I am trying to catch up. It wasn’t bad. It was just a little too much for my system.

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  3. Inspirational- when you don’t got much in tank and people going by are giving you the finger and shout insults in their language. And your brain has been pounded for years and these minnows are half your age but so many of them, and you have a broken brain. And you say hope for their sake the water doesn’t get ugly, because you yourself knows your broken.

    I don’t give myself warrior status. But your blog makes me want to try and live for another day. And I’m on a mission to see my little family gets the respect and love she deserves.

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  4. Warriors come in all shapes and sizes. I read once that “war” is a state of pandemonium and conflict, and a warrior is someone who can keep calm in the midst of it all.

    In many ways, we can all be warriors. It is not only reserved for military warfighters.

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  5. I do know what it is like to be in situations where you can’t pinpoint your enemy. Returning vets tell me about this as being the most difficult part. They have a real challenge these days. The vets need people who can stay calm around them especially when they return. TBI’s and PTSD require people who can stick by these survivors and be real calm and no negativity.

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  6. More and more, I see the power of a person who demonstrates internal peace and calm regardless of outer happenings. And unfortunately, I see the power of people sucked into this world of rage on. My best friend the other day starts saying F— Y– to me. I’ve known the guy 30 years- never would I hear this. A 66 year old man, at the mercy of the surroundings. Sad.

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  7. And my friend that I refer to, does not have a history of being so influenced by the outside world. I was away for awhile. It seems the “rage rage rage on” thing. Has him. He talks of wishing he yelled at two female drivers who cut him off and how he should’ve sued so and so.
    The stress is getting him. It is getting all of us in some way. Expressed anger doesn’t help.

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  8. No, it doesn’t help. And unless we do something about it — physically — it can really wreck us. It’s important to know how to address this on a physiological level, to get the biochemistry to settle down. Unless it does, we can get sucked into a downward spiral of ever-increasing problems. And rage.

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  9. Here I go again. Sometimes it is right in front of me- a fellow TBI or person facing the beginning of dementia and I can’t recognize it and I’ve been there. My friend is losing filter- is good friend.

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