One of those days

I have a feeling this is going to turn out to be one of those days. You know, the kind that happens when everything seems to be jumbled up and nothing seems to go in the proper order.

I have an early meeting today and I am finding myself walking around in circles trying to get my act together. I worked out yesterday evening after work. Or rather, I went for a swim. Just to be able to swim leisurely felt fantastic. There was only one other person in the pool when I got there, and I picked a lane several lanes away from where they were. It felt so phenomenal just to move – I have in having a lot of pain lately, I think from the changing seasons, and also doing a lot of things that I don’t normally do. Fall is clean up time in my part of the world, and there are a lot of chores that need to be done to prepare for the coming winter months. So you end up doing a lot of work and moving your bodies in ways that you don’t normally do.

Getting in the water and just swimming from one end to the pool to the other felt fantastic. And it also felt great to warm up, because the office was very cold yesterday. There at that in-between place in temperature control where they haven’t yet change the settings for fall and winter, so they are still cooling the building as though it’s summer. This is not helpful. Anyway, the net result of yesterday plus last evening, is that I’m sore and disoriented, and still recovering from the long day at work yesterday plus the exercise.

I know that I need to do this, and I have been fairly lax about keeping up with my exercise, which is why I am tired and disoriented and literally wandering around in circles trying to figure out what I should do next. Thank heavens my call starts in just a few minutes, so that simplifies things. I know what I need to do. Start up my computer, get my phone ready, and get ready to talk to someone who is on the other side of the planet.

Some days it just goes like this. Even though I’m doing everything that I know I should be doing, and even though I’m being responsible and eating properly and getting enough rest, still everything seems like a chore, & I can’t seem to figure things out as quickly as I would like to. I know that I should be happy that I am is functional as I am, & I should be grateful that I have the kind of life that I do, yet it’s not a simple, easy thing to have to hassle over things that should come naturally to me – and that used to come naturally to me.

Some people talk about how having a brain injury is like getting old very quickly, & I can see that. That doesn’t mean I like it, though. I just want things to be easy, I just want things to work out the way I envisioned them in my mind, & I don’t want to have to wait for myself to catch up with every little darn thing. But I do have to wait, I do have to be patient, I do have to let myself catch up. So there we have it.

I guess the best thing I can probably do is just stay positive and keep looking forward, keep moving forward, and continue to do the things that I know I need to do for myself. I have to be compassionate with myself, and be patient, not rush myself like the rest of the world rushes me. Having to slow down is not the end of the world. But if I don’t give myself the time I need to get where I’m going, I can easily slip into for habits and actions that make it seem like its the end of the world.

So, I just have to keep going. And there we have it. Onward!


Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

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