Better now

As it turns out, the funk that I was in last night had a lot to do with having too much energy. That’s what happens to me when I have a lot going on, and I have a lot of energy to spare, but I don’t use it enough.

I spent today running errands and working, getting ready to paint the kitchen ceiling, but as it turned out I had too much to do out in the yard, to take care of the painting inside.

Also, my spouse left for their business trip later than I thought they would. They did not leave until 4 o’clock, and by that time it was really too late to do much of anything where I needed light inside. It also did not give me enough time to paint and let the paint dry and air out the house, before my spouse came back. They are very sensitive to scent, and if the fumes are not completely out of the house, they have a terrible reaction.

So, the solution was to keep working outside this afternoon, and plan on taking care of the painting next week. That works out better anyway, with my spouse leaving around noon time, which gives me plenty of time to prep and paint the ceiling, and let the house air out to get the fumes out before they get back.

I am really glad that I got past the depression that hit me last night. It comes and goes, & I suppose it’s really part of the process, and I’m not the only one who has these kinds of times, but I can’t let it get to me, & I can’t let it get me down.

Actually, I stand a pretty good chance of getting out of my funk in short order, because I usually have so much that I need to do, and I am often feeling like I am behind and need to keep up, that I don’t stay idle for long. I don’t get stuck in my head for long. Plus, I tend to be so fickle and changeable, that even if I am in a bad mood, or I am feeling down, it really doesn’t take much to get me back on the good foot.

It’s all part of it, and the important thing is to not let it get the better of you.

So, tonight I am on my own again, flying solo, with some hours to pass on my own. After this fall, my spouse will be home much more on the weekends, so that will be a change. After their accidents last winter when they totaled the van, they decided they were not going to do any more travel during the winter months when the weather gets bad in some areas. I think that is a wise decision, I just hope that it doesn’t turn into a problem for us. Or a problem for me. It is nice for me to have time to myself on the weekends, when I can just unwind, and move at my own pace. When my spouse is around, they tend to give me a lot of things to do, which is not very restful, and stresses us both out.

But, we will figure it out. for many years, we were not apart from each other very often. We worked together, we socialized together, and we were very closely connected each and every day. That changed about 5 years ago, and it was a real adjustment for me, because I was accustomed to just being around them all the time. I felt cut loose, and I also felt rejected, because they did not need me around the way they had before. But it was better that way, because in all the years that we had been together, neither of us had really worked very hard at developing a separate identity. We were all about our marriage. We were all about being together and being partners in work life and play.

So now things are very different with us, and it is good. This winter there will be another change, and things will once again be different with us, but that I believe is for the best. We all go through our changes in life, and we all have our adjustments to make. The important thing is to recognize that and to not let it get the best of you, but use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.

So now I will get myself some supper, and sit down to watch some television. Ironically, even as a TBI survivor, I really like watching boxing. I know what the contestants are doing to each other, and I know what the long term effects of repeated blows to the head or, but I still enjoy watching boxing. so, maybe I will enjoy my guilty pleasure this evening, or maybe I will just go to bed with a book and read until I fall asleep. Either way, it will be a restful evening, and much better than I was feeling last evening. I’ve had a productive day, I’ve gotten out of my head, and things are looking much better than they were yesterday.

I know that I will feel down every now and then, but the main thing is really to just roll with it, let that be what it is, and get on with living my life anyway. It’s all part of the whole picture, and as I have said before, you don’t throw out an entire painting just because you don’t like one of the colors.

Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

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