All the artificial timelines and time-outs

Got back last night before 9 p.m. Pretty good, considering we got on the road after 1:00. Driving was good, but this is the last year we’re doing that particular trek. I will save $20/week towards the plane tickets and rental car next year. We’re not doing that marathon drive again.

Both my spouse and I are practically crippled from all that sitting. Yes,we stopped and got out and moved around. But it’s not the same thing as moving – which I will be doing a lot of, today, I believe.

Someone commented here that holidays are invented by men, and it’s true. They are arbitrary assignments of “time off” from the usual grind, to do something different, so we don’t lose our minds from the drudgery and the monotony and the insane political games people play. And the conditions they take place under, only serve to make us glad we’re back in our grind, when we return. I know I’m glad to be going back to work… which is kind of a bizarre idea, since the idea of being cooped up in an office for 8 hours today really makes my skin crawl.

Other than making a living and giving me a chance to interact with people in a structured environment, I’m not sure what purpose it serves. And this is with a job I actually like… after years of detesting my work situations. The whole 9-to-5 thing is old. I know how to do it. I’ve proved I can do it. That’s settled. Time to look into something different.

While driving home, I was fantasizing about just dropping all this and going to live off the land. I think that would solve a ton of problems. Raise my own food, hunt my own game, fish and stock up and save. So long as I have access to a good lake that has fish, as well as a possible trout stream, and I had some space to garden, and a shelter against the elements, I think I’d be fine, actually. I wouldn’t even need to hunt big game. I could live off rabbits, squirrel, fish, and plenty of wild plants. And if I had a fenced-in area, I could also grow plenty of vegetables. If I didn’t have a mortgage to pay, my life would be very, very different, I can tell you that.

But that’s probably not going to happen in the near future. I have time to plan for it, to learn what I need to learn, and  get all my equipment together. For now, though, it’s back to my regular routine, back to going through my days making the best of what I’ve got.

It’s not bad. It’s just not really what I want — which is freedom.

I’ll have plenty of that in the coming weeks, though. The holidays may get crazy for some, but we are DONE with all the travel, and we’re going to have a nice quiet holiday season, getting together with friends. I’m going to have plenty of time to keep up with my sleep, thanks to minimal extra-curricular activities and passing on all the holiday parties and I avoid the malls. I think the holiday madness may actually even pass me by, as I step aside and steer clear of the hordes. I’ve seen the Black Friday videos. Yah, no thanks.

My family obligations are done.

And my little officially sanctioned time-out is done.

Now I can get back to my life and settle back into it. And just let the rest of the world go by, as I construct the life of my choosing.


Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

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