So, yesterday, when my boss cancelled our bi-weekly 1:1 meeting for next week, I could have taken it a number of different ways:
- They are really busy.
- They will be out of the office.
- I’m getting laid off.
- They’re getting laid off.
- They’re going to be so busy dealing with everything around the layoffs, that they won’t have time for me.
- I’m transferring to another group and won’t be reporting to them anymore.
- They just have a conflict that day, so we can meet another time.
Honestly, any of the above could be true. And I’m prepared for just about any eventuality. I have been looking through my files for projects I originally intended to complete in the next 2 years, but I put aside because this job is taking all my time. And if I do get laid off, I’m at no loss for what to do. I really hope that happens, provided I receive comfortable safety net of at least 6 months’ pay and insurance coverage to carry me through. I just don’t want my spouse to worry — as they always do, anyway. But I don’t want to give them any more reason to be concerned.
I really do have a ton of stuff I need to get done, and having a few months off will go a long way towards clearing the decks. It will also give me lots of time to gear up for the next phase of my work. The job I’ve been in, has been interesting. But it’s also shown me what I do not want to do — I’d rather not have to deal with people. I want to deal with data. Numbers. Patterns. People make me crazy, and I get tired of being all social ‘n’ sh*t.
Numbers and patterns and algorithms, on the other hand…
Anyway, things should be interesting at work today. I think it’s going to be very quiet. I hear people openly discussing their concerns — especially folks who are older. I’m 50, so that puts me in the cross-hairs. Who the hell is going to keep me on, with my senior-level salary, when they can get people literally half my age, who are much more hip and attuned to the latest trends?
Please-please-please lay me off, with a tasty severance package. I’ll do fine. I promise.
But they keep me around, that’s fine, too. That just limits how much I can do at any given time and it focuses me. It just pushes out my timeline by 6 months or so. Possibly a year. But the main project I have in mind… that’ll keep. There’s no rush on it. But it’s ready right here and now, if I can devote my full time and attention to it.
Good lord. And here, I thought that I was all set. The job has been great, and I’ve really been enjoying it, for the most part. I thought I was set for at least the next five years, since people either stay on for a long time or they go after a relatively short time. I feel like one of those people who could be around for a long time. But that might not happen.
OR…. it may happen, and in another five years, I’ll be blogging about my job and how it’s going.
Whatever happens, this is a time of change and transition. I need to find another neuropsych, and I’m putting together my list of requirements for them. I feel like I’m writing a job description to interview people, and maybe I am. It’s a big deal for me. I have a number of areas I want to work on, and my current neuropsych doesn’t have the orientation I need, in order to move forward. They don’t seem to think it’s a good idea for me to be “Type A”, but you know what? That’s how I am, so being any other way just doesn’t do it for me.
I need to get back to that. I’ve been stabilizing myself, getting my head in order, for nearly 8 years, now, and it’s been good. I’ve overcome a tremendous amount of obstacles in my thinking and attitudes, rebuilding capabilities and executive function that have really set me in the right direction.
Now I have a solid foundation – including with my professional life – which gives me a springboard for jumping ahead to where I really want to go.
And it’s all good. None of this can be bad.
What may come, will come. La la.
I’ve got work to do.