Down for the count… but hopefully getting back

Ugh. This is not much fun.
This is not much fun. But it could be worse.

The head cold I’ve had over the past few days has gotten worse. I’ve been running a fever. I stayed home from work today and took a nap, this afternoon. But when I woke up, I was worse than when I laid down to start with.

So, steady on. I’ve been reading today, and taking it pretty easy. I have some work-work to do which actually relaxes me, so I’ve been doing that. And thinking. Just thinking.

It’s good to take a break from the office. And I’m sure others are happy to have me out of there, as well. I’ve been coughing and sneezing more and more, much to the dismay of people around me, so today was a perfect day to just cut it all out. I may stay home tomorrow, too, if I’m not feeling 100% and/or I’m running a fever.

Unfortunately, my spouse isn’t happy to have me home sick. And I’m none too happy to be home, either. Ours is one of those relationships where we tend to get under each other’s feet, and that doesn’t always go well. They are also very susceptible to infection, so if I’m home sick, they can get sick, as well. And when they get sick, they stay that way for weeks and weeks.

It happens. The thing that makes it worse, is that I get no rest for the duration.

It occurs to me that I could just go to a hotel and hole up there, just being sick by myself and letting this all run its course. I might go that route, if I don’t get better soon. I’ve done that before, and it really turned out for the best for both of us.

Ideally, I’d have a shed out back in the yard, with a bed and a heater, where I can just keep to myself and keep the infection out of the house. I wouldn’t mind that.

That might actually be an excellent idea..

I’m pricing sheds now, and I think I can get one that won’t break the bank. I could insulate it for cold weather and fix it up nicely, so I have my own space to retreat to, when I am sick —  or when I just want to get away. I’ve found a couple of sheds that look like good candidates, which could easily take insulation between the 2x4s. I’d need to do something about insulating the windows, but even so…  It could work. Maybe I’ll get a friend to come help me put it together. I also need to check with the local zoning board to make sure I’m not encroaching on any lot-lines. But it looks doable.

As it is now, I’m holed up in my study, door closed, in my own little world. That’ll have to do, at present. But in another six months, I should have my own retreat out back, where I can hole up in times like these. Or when I just want to get away. It could work out well for everyone involved.

Basically, it all boils down to how I take care of myself. I don’t really have any control over how my spouse takes care of themself, and there’s not much I can do to convince them they should do a better job. They think they’re doing fine, and no amount of debate will change that. I have no control over them, only over myself. And I’m going to do something constructive about my situation.

Okay, just took my temperature and my fever’s down — I’m back to normal, thank you very much. Now I’ve got to figure out what to do for supper. I think tonight’s a rotisserie chicken night — I get a ready-cooked bird, sautee up some vegetables, and voila – dinner. Or we’ll do takeout. Either way, there will be food on the table tonight.

It’s all a process, really. Just thinking everything through, getting clear on the options, and not letting things get to me. It’s easy for me to fall into self-pity and anger, but that’s not very productive. It feels better to be constructive … take a step back and think of some creative solutions … then take action. So long as the action is in a good direction, and it’s not purely driven by impulse.

That impulse thing has been getting to me, lately, and I’ve been messing up at work by not properly reading emails and responding to people with the wrong information. They must think I’ve lost my mind… I don’t like feeling like this, and I certainly do not like adding more work to people’s lives, simply because I haven’t slowed down to really wrap my head around what’s in there. I think I’ve written about this in the past few days, and I actually have been slowing down to read things more closely. But still – sometimes I just don’t get what I’m reading. It’s weird. Even when I read it aloud. Other people I work with seem to really know how to boil down their thoughts into a succinct collection of sentences, but that’s a skill I still need to develop.

At least today I took my time with emails (all ten of them that came – it’s been a slow day). And I did methodically work my way through them. But I still got a bit lost in places, and I still had to retrace my steps a handful of times. At least I’m not going off “half-cocked” today. That’s progress.

So, steady on… Just take it a day at a time, allow myself time to think and let things sink in… Take care of my health… Make sure I’m taking all my medicine and getting enough to drink. And don’t let things get to me. I’m on the mend. That much is clear.

It’ll work itself out. It always does.



Author: brokenbrilliant

I am a long-term multiple (mild) Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI or TBI) survivor who experienced assaults, falls, car accidents, sports-related injuries in the 1960s, '70s, '80s, and '90s. My last mild TBI was in 2004, but it was definitely the worst of the lot. I never received medical treatment for my injuries, some of which were sports injuries (and you have to get back in the game!), but I have been living very successfully with cognitive/behavioral (social, emotional, functional) symptoms and complications since I was a young kid. I’ve done it so well, in fact, that virtually nobody knows that I sustained those injuries… and the folks who do know, haven’t fully realized just how it’s impacted my life. It has impacted my life, however. In serious and debilitating ways. I’m coming out from behind the shields I’ve put up, in hopes of successfully addressing my own (invisible) challenges and helping others to see that sustaining a TBI is not the end of the world, and they can, in fact, live happy, fulfilled, productive lives in spite of it all.

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